Hey, my lovelies! How y’all been doing? Since our last convo, Father’s Day has come and gone. I will openly admit that I had totally forgotten about it until I was confused by my boss’s travel plans for that weekend. I couldn’t fathom why he would fly home on Friday and then return to DC on Monday, felt like such a waste until my colleague said, “That’s Father’s Day weekend” and I was like, damn, I have totally removed this from my mind as my father has passed away and the father of my children is not worth celebrating and add to that I am free of human disappointment so it was just another weekend to me. For those who are worthy of celebrating, I sincerely hope you were loved and doted on while you cooked on the grill that weekend and to those who don’t do shit for their children all year, I hope you felt the impact of your actions when you didn’t even receive a Happy Father’s Day message.
A couple of months ago, a question was posed to women and their response has been flooding social media but instead of us being seen and heard, we (women) have been disrespected by anger filled responses by men because they weren’t the chosen subject of the answer to the question. The question posed to random women is: If you are in the forest alone, which would rather encounter, a strange man or bear? When women damn near unanimously chose the bear, males became angry and inconsolable which is disappointing to say the least. If you’ll allow me to take a few moments of your time, I will share why I will choose the bear every single time.
Let’s begin by looking at some statics: An estimated 91% of victims of rape & sexual assault are female and 9% male. Nearly 99% of perpetrators are male; at least 1 in every 3 women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime. Most often the abuser is a member of her own family or her partner. I’d like for you to do something for me really quick to help this sink in a little better: think of 3 female family members and understand at least 1 of them is a part of the aforementioned stat. There are over 433,000 cases of sexual assault or rape annually in the U.S. among people ages 12 and older, every 68 seconds, another American is sexually assaulted and these are only the ones which are reported. Now, let’s discuss bear attacks, shall we? Since 1784 there have been 66 fatal human/bear conflicts by wild black bears. Less than a dozen non-fatal conflicts happen each year, and the vast majority of encounters end with zero bodily contact. Why? Because black bears are far more likely to run away from you than engage.
Now that we have the technical aspects out of the way, let’s move onto personal experiences which leads to the adoration of the bear. If, GOD forbid, I were to ever encounter a bear in the woods, it would go 1 of 2 ways: he’d either maul and kill me or run, period. Yes, there’s a possibility I’d die, a rather slim one but still could happen, but that’s the worse the bear could do to me. A bear wouldn’t violate my body and tell his friends I wanted it regardless of how many times I said NO and begged him to stop. I wouldn’t have to see the bear at social functions and act as though nothing ever happened. I wouldn’t be accusatorily questioned about what I was wearing or why was I alone with the bear or how much did I have to drink or why was I trying to ruin a good bear’s reputation by accusing him of violating me or insinuate that I was lying because he had rejected me.
If I were attacked by a bear, I would be believed that it happened but, unfortunately, that’s not the case when you attempt to report a sexual assault which is also why so many go unreported. Do you know what it’s like to have someone you trust take advantage of their strength and violate you? The reality is most sexual assaults aren’t committed by strangers, they are dates, friends we believed would never harm us or even looked at us that way, family members, and even spouses. Yeah, where’s that bear, I’d like to just sit with him because I feel safer beside him right now.
I will proudly own that I am what is known as a Momma bear because you mess with my daughters and I’m bringing hell with me to handle you just as mother bear would do for her cubs. We are under the impression it’s only the mothers who protect their cubs at all costs but I dare you to even look at a bear cub when its father is near because that ass whooping may actually be far worse than what the female would do to you.
This is another reason I would choose the bear because regardless of gender, that bear parent will protect their babies at all costs, they wouldn’t belittle them when they’re having a bad day nor gaslight them into believing the lack of presence in their lives was a figment of their imagination nor throw a tantrum like a tyrannical toddler because their children are sick of their shit and standing ten toes deep on their boundaries of no contact. A bear cub doesn’t have to hold on to the last shred of dignity by hoping for a true parent – child relationship with their parent all while being made to feel as though they’re not enough but still manage to have a delusional mindset that same parent will realize what an asshole they’ve been and do a 180 to repair their relationship. The bear is always concerned about the safety of their offspring, never would they put them in a position to have no way of reaching out for help. If the bear mommy and daddy don’t work out, it’s not taken out on the cubs, they are never innocent casualties in the dysfunctional relationship.
The responses of women choosing the bear should have been the lightbulb for men to realize we don’t feel safe around them because so many of your counterparts have traumatized us in one way or another. But, alas, the responses I’ve seen and heard have been disgusting and vile as some men are giddy at the concept of being able to watch a woman being mauled by a bear. Instead of taking a look inside and reflecting on their patterns and behaviors, men have gotten angry because they weren’t chosen over a bear. At no time have they heard us.
I will say that it did click with some men when it was asked whether they’d want their daughter alone in the woods with a bear or a random man because even they know how vile their gender can be. Sadly, you also have the other side of that coin which is the men who never treasured their daughters and the first thing they’d say is “Well, she shouldn’t be in the woods, she deserves what she gets”.
For some unknown reason, men can’t seem to grasp our utter frustration and exhaustion when it comes to just leaving the house. As selfish as it may sound, women revel in the thought of what it would be like to have a mere 24 hours without a single man walking the earth and because I love y’all, I’ll share a glimpse with you: we’d be able to wear the clothes we want whether it be a crop top, mini skirt, sundress, etc. without having to worry about crude comments and unwanted advances from the opposite sex; the freedom to take a walk at night without fear of getting snatched and assaulted; being able to walk down the street without being told “You should smile”; being able to enjoy a night out with our friends without having to worry about some dude trying to grind on us while we’re enjoying the music on the dance floor; going to a bar and being able to leave our drink unattended because there’s no one waiting for us to turn our back so they can slip a roofie in it; sitting on a park bench while enjoying the weather and a good book without being interrupted by someone’s dusty ass son taking it as an opportunity to disturb our peace.
No, I am not saying all men possess this behavior or mentality but, unfortunately, the vast majority do and those who don’t do it have friends and family members who go unchecked for their behavior. As imperfect as he may have been, I had a Daddy in my life who schooled me on the behaviors of men so I would be aware and not fall victim to them but, unfortunately, a couple fell thru the cracks because I led with my heart instead of instinct and knowledge. Regardless of whether you have daughters or not, you have a mother who is also a female who’s dealt with this type of behavior. I’m going to step down off my soap box as I’ve held you long enough but I have a simple ask of you: if you do nothing else, take a moment to let all of this sink in with the understanding of what women have to deal with every moment of their lives. We do not ‘ask’ for it by wearing a certain type of clothing or accepting a date with you, we are just trying to live our best life and, far too often, that’s brought to a screeching halt because some prick believed that because he was horny, we were his for the taking, our fears and feelings were never taken into consideration. Be great my loves!
I was able to read the blog and my main comment is “i wish we lived in a world where you wouldn’t have to write this”. As a self-proclaimed feminist it scares the hell out of me to think that my counterparts are not safe in this world. There is no true exhale for females. And the direction that humanity is moving in doesn’t leave a chance of things getting better. It’s a good post. A sad post. A necessary post.
I agree. This is a sad reality we as women know all to well. The fact the majority of men totally missed the point, again, is sad. Until men start to treat every woman the way they’d want their mother, daughter, sister treated by men … nothing will change.
On a funny note, as I began reading this and you said if you were in the woods … , first thought was ‘girl, you know you weren’t ever going to be in no woods-especially by yourself!’
Luv you sis!