I was recently asked what I was looking for in a partner and it actually took me a minute to get my \u2018list\u2019 together. When I was growing up, I had a mental list of my ideal man, this list included everything from his appearance, height, mannerisms, potential, even his teeth (I\u2019m a stickler for a nice mouth\/teeth), trustworthiness, and general overall characteristics. Having matured, I have become a little more lenient with my list because it\u2019s not always reality and doesn’t fully serve who I am at this stage in my life. We have this image of our perfect mate who may not even exist in our lifetime. There are a couple of traits\u00a0I will not relax on, however, and the main one is height.\u00a0I have been labeled a height snob because I won\u2019t give anyone under a certain height the time of day.\u00a0 Yes, I have written about being closed minded and will own I\u2019m closed minded on the height issue in my life, there is no wiggle room. And, yes, I know I could be missing out on the perfect person because of it but it\u2019s a chance I am willing to take.<\/p>\n
Thru maturing and getting to know various people, I\u2019ve come to learn a lot about my list versus a true connection with another person.\u00a0 Someone could meet every item on the list but if there\u2019s no connection between us, it doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 A connection, to me, is being able to sit and have a conversation about any and everything, knowing you\u2019re not always going to agree with each other but being open to seeing things from their perspective and being willing to learn from them. It\u2019s also about being able to just sit with them and do absolutely nothing but you\u2019re not bored, you\u2019re content and enjoying yourself. When you have a connection with someone, you feel comfortable being yourself and confiding in them because they make you feel safe and accepted.<\/p>\n
Life experiences will affect your list as well. When you started the list, you may have been\u00a0single and child free and the things that matter to you now as a mother should differ from\u00a0what mattered to that 20 something year old club hopper. \u00a0At this stage in life, you are looking for a partner who is capable of being a positive male role model in your child’s life. Someone who lies or you feel you can’t trust should never make the cut because, truth be told, if you can’t trust someone, you have no connection or relationship anyway, plain and simple. And for the guys? A fat ass being shown off in minimal clothing may have been cool back in the day but now, as you’ve matured, you need\u00a0a woman who will take care of, cook and clean for you, someone you can take home and know she won’t twerk on your cousins and uncles at family cookouts. There comes a point in our lives when we realize we\u00a0need a partner, someone we can trust to be there for us and have our back when we don’t even have our own.<\/p>\n
You could meet someone today and feel like you\u2019ve known them for an eternity, you just click, but on the flip side, you could know someone for decades and still not feel comfortable enough to share your innermost feelings and desires.\u00a0 I am the type of person who works off of energy, if your energy is good, we\u2019re good and the same goes for if it\u2019s not so good. \u00a0I have been blessed with the good fortunate of being raised by my daddy, around male cousins who were quite the ladies men as well as having guys as my best friends, I feel I have a pretty good idea of a guy\u2019s intentions when he approaches me. Now, I’m sure we\u2019ve all heard our share of the worst pick up lines when a guy approaches us and know from that point they aren\u2019t \u201cPrince Charming\u201d and have a better chance of getting\u00a0cussed out than our number. I actually had a guy, confidently look me in my face and say \u201cF*ck yo name is\u201d? I took a moment to look behind me because I KNEW he wasn\u2019t talking to me, he just couldn\u2019t be! But, unfortunately, he was and I had to proceed to tell him \u201cI know you\u2019re not serious and if you are? My name is something you will never, in this lifetime, learn. Step aside\u201d and went about my business.<\/p>\n
Confidence is very sexy to me whereas arrogance is an aggravating turn off, and yes, there is a difference.\u00a0 Confidence is when a man approaches me with respect and walks over with a confidence in himself never speaking of his accomplishments, money or cars. Arrogance is the type of guy who is flashy and has the mentality I should be grateful he took 2 minutes of his time to walk over and speak to me. I don\u2019t believe you should have to speak on your accomplishments or what you have to impress anyone, having your shit together speaks for itself, confidence is silent but speaks volumes.<\/p>\n
There have been times when I have been\u00a0swept off my feet by someone who wasn\u2019t my typical type but the connection was there, his personality and character were so on point it didn\u2019t matter that he wasn\u2019t physically what I thought was my type. I married someone who wasn\u2019t my \u2018type\u2019 but he possessed characteristics that connected with me, he could make me laugh, was charming, a gentleman and I felt protected when we were together.<\/p>\n
Now, over the years, I have added things to my list which are not acceptable to me as well. For instance, having an obsession with video games as a grown man? Yeah, that\u2019s a no go for me. Now, there are women out there who will game right alongside with their man, I\u2019m just not one of them. While a driven, successful man is attractive to me, a man who never has time for me because he\u2019s always working or brags about how much money he has is not for me. A man who doesn\u2019t really take time in his appearance isn\u2019t my cup of tea.\u00a0 I love a good smelling, clean cut man, just who and how I am. Thugs and bad boys are not for me, and I especially have no time for a dude whose pants are tighter than mine or hanging off his ass. \u00a0I was raised by a classy, charming gentleman and that\u2019s what I seek when looking for a mate.<\/p>\n
Everyone\u2019s list is different but the point of all of this is, although some will deny ever having a list, we all<\/strong> have certain criteria when it comes to having an attraction\u00a0to someone. If it\u2019s someone who makes you happy and you feel safe and connected to them, forego your list and be happy, that\u2019s what it\u2019s all about right? Being happy? Exactly.\u00a0 Don\u2019t be so set in your ways, seeking that absolute perfection, you stick to a list that isn\u2019t truly relevant for you at this stage in life\u00a0because\u00a0your wants, needs, desires and what matters have changed from when you were younger and will continue to change as you continue to mature and grow. Now, please don\u2019t get it twisted, never relax your morals and standards\u00a0just to say you have someone, never ever settle for less than you are worth and deserve because you will never\u00a0truly be happy with yourself in that relationship. Pick your mate on the way he makes you feel internally, does he make you laugh? Does he show he cares for you with simple gestures such as Good Morning\/Good Night texts? Does he take care of your car by washing it or filling the tank? Do you feel safe being yourself and not someone he thinks you should be? Is there trust and respect shared between the 2 of you? Then he\u2019s a keeper, take a chance on happiness, you deserve it just as\u00a0he deserves you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was recently asked what I was looking for in a partner and it actually took me a minute to get my \u2018list\u2019 together. When I was growing up, I had a mental list of my ideal man, this list included everything from his appearance, height, mannerisms, potential, even his teeth (I\u2019m a stickler for … Continue reading “Connection NOT Perfection”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":127,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-22","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/Connection.jpg?fit=981%2C364&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=126"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":130,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126\/revisions\/130"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/127"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=126"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=126"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=126"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}