{"id":135,"date":"2016-08-24T19:19:52","date_gmt":"2016-08-24T23:19:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=135"},"modified":"2016-08-24T19:19:52","modified_gmt":"2016-08-24T23:19:52","slug":"forgiveness-is-crucial","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2016\/08\/24\/forgiveness-is-crucial\/","title":{"rendered":"Forgiveness is Crucial"},"content":{"rendered":"

I will be the first to own and admit I used to be the QUEEN\u00a0of grudges, I\u2019ve held grudges so long I forgot what I was mad at the person for in the first place. Yes, looking back, I realize I was petty and immature but am so glad to be blessed enough to see how foolish my actions were<\/strong> because I am not that person anymore, haven\u2019t been her in quite some time but, unfortunately, I know some biologically grown people who are still in that mind set. I felt that if I wasn\u2019t constantly angry with them they would think it was okay to do what they did or, ignorantly enough, they won and I refused to let anybody\u00a0beat me. The reality is? They still won because I was so wrapped up in trying to make them feel bad by not speaking to them, stank eyeing them, having an attitude whenever they were around or throwing shade,\"ImageI didn’t see\u00a0they were moving on with their lives and accomplishing their goals. Here I was sitting here drinking poison waiting for them to die.\u00a0Thank goodness for growth and maturity, huh?<\/p>\n

The truth of the matter is, people are going to hurt you, it happens to the best of us at some point in our lives, it can\u2019t be avoided because that pain is needed for growth. I held the grudges because I didn\u2019t know how to forgive, I believed if I forgave someone who had mistreated me then I was condoning what they had done and they\u2019d treat someone else\u00a0in the same manner, I didn\u2019t understand the forgiveness was for me and my well-being. I carried a lot of resentment, hostility, hurt and anger for years and was miserable because I didn\u2019t realize it was my own doing, really had nothing to do with the other person. Once I learned about the importance of forgiveness and how to actually forgive, I sat down and wrote a list of all the people who I felt had done me wrong and what they\u2019d done and I forgave them thru prayer, I didn\u2019t verbalize it with the other person because it wasn\u2019t about them at that time.<\/p>\n

Forgiving someone doesn\u2019t mean you have to forget what they did but at the same time, you can\u2019t hold what they did over their head for eternity, this only means you haven\u2019t truly forgiven them. If you can genuinely forgive someone for doing you wrong, the memories of how they mistreated you will become stepping stones in your growth not blocks in future relationships and situations. Telling someone you forgive them but always using their past against them when you see them doing well isn\u2019t truly forgiving them, those words were said merely to appease them not because you meant it. It\u2019s going to hurt, you were betrayed and felt disrespected by someone you loved and trusted and that pain doesn\u2019t go away with \u201cI forgive you\u201d because words cannot erase the pain. It\u2019s up to you how you use the pain, do you carry it around like a 2 ton weight, never enjoying life as it was meant to be or do you take the time to heal from the pain and move forward with a smile on your face and in your heart?\u00a0The way we handle the hurt inflicted on us by others is what determines who we will be and how we handle every single relationship moving forward in our lives. Forgiveness doesn\u2019t just apply to romantic relationships because betrayal can come from a friend, sibling, cousin, or even a parent. The inability or lack of desire to forgive can\u00a0turn you bitter and hinder you from being in a successful relationship with another person because you\u2019re harboring hurt or resentment towards the person who is no longer a factor in your life, it prevents you from letting someone else in. As I\u2019ve grown and matured, I\u2019ve come to realize just how vital communication is between people when there is conflict. When we\u2019ve done someone wrong, we expect to be forgiven because we said \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d, why aren\u2019t others as worthy?<\/p>\n

While it may seem as though forgiving someone is hard enough, it\u2019s even harder to do without an apology because in this instance, we feel that if they aren\u2019t sorry, they don\u2019t care, therefore, they\u2019re not worthy of our forgiveness. The amount of strength it takes for someone to apologize is more than some are willing to bear because they\u2019re not ready to admit they\u2019ve done something wrong and all you can do is forgive them and pray they will find the strength to heal from whatever is hurting them and move on with your life.<\/p>\n

The most crucial and meaningful relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself, that\u2019s the one which needs the most nurturing and care and the one which receives the least amount of forgiveness. I learned about self-forgiveness a few years after I learned how to forgive others and I will tell you, for me? This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because, for so long, I blamed others for my pain never realizing\u00a0the times I had been hurt by others, I was actually breaking my own heart, causing my own pain because I stayed for one reason or another. I had forgiven those who wronged me but still wasn\u2019t truly happy, the weight was still there, I was actually quite miserable. One day, I looked in the mirror and, before I could even get out \u201cI forgive<\/em>…\u201d, tears were streaming down my face, I had to brace myself with my hands on the counter because my knees had buckled from the release of the pain. I stood in the mirror and looked myself in the eye and apologized to myself for putting up with different situations and causing so much pain, I had to acknowledge and begin to heal before I could forgive myself. \u00a0This was not an instantaneous process, it took time to fully forgive myself for the deepest wounds.<\/p>\n

Self-forgiveness is the hardest to give because you have to dig deep and relive some of the worst pains and heartaches you\u2019ve ever endured but it\u2019s the most necessary one to give. If you can\u2019t forgive yourself for lying or cheating, how can you offer that forgiveness to someone else who does it to you? What makes you less worthy of forgiveness for your broken heart? If you don\u2019t practice self-forgiveness, you\u2019ll continue to settle for less than you truly deserve because you won\u2019t feel worthy of anything more. No one walking this earth is perfect, no matter how we may try to portray ourselves, we\u2019re all flawed and it\u2019s okay to screw up every now and then, just don\u2019t live in that place, never let a mistake define you.<\/p>\n

Since I\u2019ve learned the importance and necessity of forgiveness, I\u2019m more easily able to forgive, mean it and move on with my life. I\u2019ve had people confused as to why I\u2019m not irate or seeking revenge when someone has done me wrong and no amount of explaining will help them understand how at peace I am once I\u2019ve taken the time to evaluate the situation, forgive and move on. When someone does me wrong, it\u2019s no longer in my character to be bitter and hate them, it takes too much energy and carrying that negativity around with me is more than I care to bear at this point in my life. If I have wronged someone, I will speak to them but have also learned you can\u2019t have a conversation with everyone because everyone is not ready to have those discussions and that\u2019s fine, I\u2019ve said my peace and am able to sleep well.<\/p>\n

Take a moment to look in the mirror and have a conversation with yourself, apologize for the times you stayed with someone who wasn\u2019t worthy of you but never apologize for loving them.\u00a0Remember, it\u2019s okay to remember how someone hurt you but don\u2019t live in that pain, use it to grow and be a better version of yourself. It\u2019s okay to shed tears as you look yourself in the eye, you are feeling and seeing everything you\u2019ve been thru and have been carrying around for way too long. Once you learn how to forgive yourself, it\u2019ll be easier to understand and forgive those who have wronged you in one way or another. \u00a0Don\u2019t hold on to the pain because someone didn\u2019t say they were sorry, let it go because you\u2019re worth more than a petty grudge and this isn\u2019t your cross to bear, it\u2019s theirs. “I forgive you” are nothing but words until you\u00a0put the action behind them to make them work. Love yourself enough to forgive yourself, you\u2019ll feel and live better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I will be the first to own and admit I used to be the QUEEN\u00a0of grudges, I\u2019ve held grudges so long I forgot what I was mad at the person for in the first place. Yes, looking back, I realize I was petty and immature but am so glad to be blessed enough to see … Continue reading “Forgiveness is Crucial”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":143,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-2b","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/forgiveness2.jpg?fit=236%2C236&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=135"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/135\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":148,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/135\/revisions\/148"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/143"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}