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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nWhile my healing journey has helped me move past the grief of losing my Daddy and been able to appreciate who and where I am in life, it\u2019s also taped my eyelids open so I\u2019ve no choice but to see the unhealed parts of those I hold closest and dearest to my heart. Even though I didn\u2019t fully know what to expect when I committed to this journey, I\u2019m taken aback by seeing how toxic those closest to me truly are and my heart breaks because I have to choose myself over their disrespect of my pain, belittling of my traumas, and utter lack of shits to give about my feelings. Now, had this been about 10 years ago, I\u2019d have eagerly joined right into the fire of an argument and spewed every gut-punching statement I could to get them off of me but, healed me ain\u2019t here for the shits anymore and she stays calm regardless of what is being said because, really, what\u2019s the point?<\/p>\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nAn area my eyes are opened is seeing that someone who didn\u2019t walk 2\u201d in my shoes feels they have license to tell me how to feel about my<\/strong> trauma and when to get over soul shattering pain. Let me explain something to those of you who may be unaware, if you\u2019ve not lived in the house, you\u2019ve no right to speak on what took place in it as though you did. While it\u2019s true someone shared what happened in the house, you didn\u2019t experience any of it and have no license to speak on it at any point in your life. You have even less right to only bring it up to intentionally try to open a wound it\u2019s taken the other person a lot of therapy, self-reflection, and tears to move beyond. \u00a0You know what I find funny? The same person who will tell you to get over your trauma is the same person who will bring up and remind you of who you were at your lowest and most broken as a means to seem better than you. <\/p>\n\n\n Baybee! Don\u2019t be fooled by these miserable ass souls because all they\u2019re doing is proving how much better you truly are because you no longer live at the place of the porch they\u2019re standing on wondering why their knocks are going unanswered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I have also learned that when you begin to heal, you don\u2019t get sympathy for being attacked by the unhealed because they always have an enabler coddling and gassing them up as though they\u2019re right. No ma\u2019am\/sir, it\u2019s 2022, we are no longer tolerating that level of bullshit because the enabler will be cut off quicker than Toxic Tonya\/Tony for being weak, we\u2019ve no space in our peace for nonsense. <\/p>\n\n\n The scary part is, you don\u2019t always recognize TT because they appear to be your biggest supporter and cheerleader, boosting you up when you\u2019re down but, pay attention and see if they have that same energy when you\u2019re up. As long as you\u2019re doing less than or on their same level, they\u2019re always there for you with words of encouragement but the moment you solidly stand on your own two feet, spread your wings, and learn to fly, here come the negative comments and unsolicited advice on how you should handle your life as though you\u2019re not supposed to be living your best life because they didn\u2019t take the time to grow with you.<\/p>\n\n\n I own that I\u2019ve been down, like, way down to the point I wasn\u2019t able to support myself and children but I was blessed to have people in my life who stepped in and filled the spaces I couldn\u2019t. Yes, I am very grateful to these women because they kept food in our stomachs, lights on, and made sure we had everything we needed. When I tell you that was a humbling experience, you\u2019ve no idea which is why I am so appreciative of where I am now in life. Thru that struggle, I came to learn there are 2 types of helpers in your life: those who help you out of the kindness of their hearts and refuse to accept a Thank You because that’s not why the did it and then you have those who do it to be able hold it over your head in order to attempt to knock you down a peg at their whim. We all have some form of social media and see the videos of people purposely recording them helping a homeless person or a mother who can\u2019t afford diapers for their baby and rush to put that person’s lowest moment on social media to get kudos for being a good person. How good are you that you couldn\u2019t just do the deed and go home with a full heart for being in a position to help someone less fortunate? No, my person didn\u2019t record anything and brag about it but it\u2019s been repeatedly thrown in my face and no longer being tolerated \u2013 line drawn and boundary created.<\/p>\n\n\n If you are someone who seeks out an argument by being antagonizing towards another person and just keep taking low blows until they respond with the same energy, we are not the same. I do my best not to argue because it\u2019s a waste of time and energy but was told by my therapist that what I do is worse which is methodically speaking in a calm, collected tone revealing their deepest, darkest secret. Do I feel it\u2019s worse than arguing? Nope because my main goal is to get someone up off of me and shut them up so, I speak to the one truth I know will cut to the depths of their core. Wait, I used <\/strong>to do that, I\u2019ve gotten better because doing so makes me no better than them screaming at me at the top of their lungs as our main goal is to see who can cause the most emotional damage. I am still a smart ass, that shit is never going away but I\u2019ve learned not to be so hurtful towards people I care about regardless if they feel or view the situation the same, not my circus, untrained monkeys, or cross to bear.<\/p>\n\n\n While I was hesitant to step on the path of this journey, I\u2019m grateful I did but also understand it wouldn\u2019t have been accomplished at any other time in my life. There were many times I swore up and down I wanted to heal, grow, and be a better woman, mother, and human being but I truly wasn\u2019t ready, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to handle this process well enough to reap all the benefits I\u2019m experiencing. Is it hard? Hell yeah! Is it always sunshine and rainbows? Hell no! Even in all of its beautiful ugliness, I would love to encourage everyone to begin their journey but I am also aware there are many who don\u2019t see any wrong within themselves or their actions, therefore, they\u2019ll probably never change. Knowing that some closest to me will continue to live in misery and be fueled by the pain which now presents itself as anger absolutely breaks my heart but I have to be okay with knowing I can\u2019t save everyone, that\u2019s not my or anyone else\u2019s purpose here. We help and save those who are willing to grab a hold of our hand while hanging off that cliff and cry for those whose pride won\u2019t let them see the flames of hell burning beneath them.<\/p>\n\n\n Take a moment to examine your relationships and see who your true cheerleaders and helpers are but you\u2019re going to have to be okay with the realization of who you thought was in your corner was actually your biggest hater. Yes, hater is a strong word but what else would you call someone who\u2019s only happy with you when you\u2019re down and resentful when you\u2019re soaring? When you see people for who they are, it\u2019s going to hurt, you may even cry because you\u2019d never imagine your ride or die secretly wishes you bad because they feel you’ve outgrown them and try to bring you back down to their level. Once you begin to grow in the healthiest way possible, you\u2019ll understand how impossible it is to shrink and regress to the former self you took the time to heal what once fueled that darkness and it becomes unfamiliar and unrecognizable, you may even judge yourself for who you used to be. Stay the course of healing, you\u2019ve got but one life to live, do what you can to make it one of peace, love, and joy. Be great, my Loves!<\/p>\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/seriously-nene-leakes.gif?resize=122%2C122&ssl=1\")
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