{"id":1419,"date":"2022-12-07T10:48:00","date_gmt":"2022-12-07T15:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=1419"},"modified":"2022-12-06T21:50:21","modified_gmt":"2022-12-07T02:50:21","slug":"various-versions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2022\/12\/07\/various-versions\/","title":{"rendered":"Various versions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Hey, hey, my Lovelies! A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my sister about our very different interactions and experiences with each of our parents. The different versions we each received from them would have an outsider firmly believing we didn\u2019t even share the same parents, not to mention being raised in the same household, as that\u2019s how much it varied between the two of us. I\u2019d be telling a bold face lie if I said there wasn\u2019t a time in my life, well, most of my life, when I didn\u2019t envy the relationship and bond my mother and sister share but I\u2019ve come to learn and understand that our parents knew their uniquely different children at their core and gave the version which would best serve each of us.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Let\u2019s start with the version of our mother I received, shall we? I got the strait-laced, no holds barred, takes shit from no one, never a hair out of place, the pure embodiment of dignity, grace, and strength who commanded respect of every room she has ever walked into, and never cursed around or drank with me. Yes, that\u2019s the mother I experienced and the woman I still call Mommie at 50 years of age as that\u2019s who she is to me, it doesn\u2019t feel natural to call her Ma, Momma, <\/em>or Mom<\/em>. I feel safe in saying that most of you were told, \u201cI am your mother, not one of your lil friends<\/em>\u201d and she stuck to that like super glue! Yes, I am 50 years old and my mother still doesn\u2019t really curse around me unless she is severely pissed and is the reason that, no matter how much I may want to, I don\u2019t use the F-word in any of my blogs, I\u2019m still scared she\u2019ll appear and smack the cowboy piss out of me.<\/p>\n\n\n

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The version of our mother my sister received was more laid back as, on the surface, they appear to be alike and have more in common. My mother and sister both ride motorcycles and my sister became a member of the all-female motorcycle club my mother created which meant they experienced a lot more things than my mother and I ever would as I\u2019m too uptight and prissy to endure some of their adventures. <\/p>\n\n\n

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My mother and sister have regularly drank together as they both like beer whereas I prefer liquor or wine. Who my mother is with my sister is the throw on a t-shirt and some jeans with a baseball cap on to go to the store or wherever but, with me, she puts on ensemble which matches from head to toe, does her hair, and grabs a jacket that matches the outfit. Damn, I\u2019m starting to sound all the way adopted! I digress. From my perspective, they were friends as whenever my sister needed my mother, she would go running to be by her side and I got lectured for not doing better and able to do for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Some are aware that my mother and I had a very strained relationship for most of my life but I\u2019ve come to understand I was part of the problem as I let my envy of their relationship build a wall that was damn near impossible to penetrate or cross. I lived in ego and felt she \u2018liked\u2019 my sister more than me which lead me to feeling unworthy of being liked by my mother. Yeah, that\u2019s not the case, not even a little bit and it saddens me that so much time was wasted being at odds with one another but am happy we are no longer wasting 1 minute of the time we have left. I always said my mother didn\u2019t know me but that too is a lie because my mother knew me enough as her child to give me the version of herself which would serve me best and knew I didn’t need the version my sister got.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please don\u2019t get it twisted, my mother and sister haven\u2019t always had an ideal relationship as they are Scorpion women and would go at it hard as my sister is a rebel who danced around every line my mother ever drew for us. Me, on the other hand, absolutely feared the woman who birthed me and ruled with an iron fist, I knew she wasn\u2019t one to play with. My sister will say that my mother was afraid of me because I was so sensitive but I don\u2019t view it that way as there\u2019s nothing anyone could say that would make me believe my mother ever feared <\/strong>me, that just doesn\u2019t sit right with my spirit. I will say that my mother understood her child was sensitive and didn\u2019t want to upset her. Let me throw this in there as well because I believe in transparency: I also had quite the instant attitude if I thought I was going to be told No and no one wanted to deal with my mean ass most of the time so, I just got my way. <\/p>\n\n\n

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Yes, I was a brat, there\u2019s no way around it and I own it. My mother knew that dealing with my sister was a battle but to fully deal with me would be a long-drawn-out war because, truth be told, I am just like her as we are strong minded women who are unwavering in our views, we just happen to be on opposite ends of the subject most times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After the conversation I had with my sister, I thought about the relationships I have with my daughters and own I have handled them differently as they are very unique in their personalities, what works for one would never work for the other. I have my oldest who is a former tomboy recluse who loves video games and solitude and then there’s my fashion diva who shares the latest makeup and hair trends while binge watching my ratchet reality shows with me. I share the versions of myself which will best serve them at that specific time in their life but, as they\u2019ve gotten older, they now get pretty much the same version of me………. I think.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Now, don\u2019t get me wrong, I can\u2019t call the oldest and have a tea spilling session about the latest scandal on RHOP \u00ae because she doesn\u2019t care, not even a little bit. Even though they are vastly different young women, I take an interest in what makes their face light up when they speak about it. I respect them both enough not to force them to take an interest in what grabs my attention if it\u2019s not their thing, I give them space to formulate their own opinion and we move forward from there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharing different versions of ourselves isn\u2019t just contained to who we are with our children, we do this with every relationship we have in our lives. Think about who you are at work versus who you are when you\u2019re out with friends, are they the same person? There will be some who say they\u2019re the same regardless of who is or isn\u2019t around and I just don\u2019t believe that to be true. I don\u2019t believe that the person who got drunk enough to dance on a table the other night would show that same energy and persona in her board meeting on a Tuesday, they are not the same and that\u2019s okay. Many will say that if you\u2019re one way with this person or that person, you\u2019re being fake and not your true, authentic self and I don\u2019t follow that line of thinking. I believe we show the side we are comfortable with those in our presence and it varies by who is around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone doesn\u2019t deserve the same version of you as there will be some in your life who need the gentle, nurturing side while others who need the always turned up version of you. Just as the person who constantly shits on and belittles you doesn\u2019t deserve the kind side of you is deserving of your silence and distance, the person who\u2019s always been there for you doesn\u2019t deserve to have all your bad moments\u2019 filled attitude, tone, and demeanor thrown at them at any given time. I am proud to say that, thru my healing, the version of myself that was angry and argumentative which stayed at the forefront has all but disappeared and been replaced with the knowledge of how and when to create boundaries. We all have different sides of ourselves, just be sure you\u2019re always giving the healthiest version of yourself in any situation and, if that situation isn\u2019t healthy, walk away, your mental health depends on it. Be great, my Loves!!<\/p>\n\n\n

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Hey, hey, my Lovelies! A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my sister about our very different interactions and experiences with each of our parents. The different versions we each received from them would have an outsider firmly believing we didn\u2019t even share the same parents, not to mention being raised … Continue reading “Various versions”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1430,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1419","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-mT","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/versions-quote-e1670381244982.jpg?fit=225%2C225&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1419","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1419"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1419\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1433,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1419\/revisions\/1433"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1430"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1419"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1419"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1419"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}