{"id":1498,"date":"2023-04-06T20:37:24","date_gmt":"2023-04-07T00:37:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=1498"},"modified":"2023-04-06T20:37:26","modified_gmt":"2023-04-07T00:37:26","slug":"your-status-doesnt-define-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/06\/your-status-doesnt-define-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Your status doesn’t define you"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Hey my Lovelies! Yes, I know, it\u2019s been quite awhile since I\u2019ve posted anything but with new work responsibilities comes less time to sit with my thoughts. If I\u2019m being totally honest, there was a stretch when I wasn\u2019t okay but am so very happy to say that, at this moment, I\u2019m good. During my not so okay moments, I had time to go internal and check myself in areas that shouldn\u2019t be affected by the ignorance of others or even myself and it was reiterated how different we all are in every facet of life, regardless if we are raised in the same household or become best friends or lovers. It doesn\u2019t matter the subject at hand and it\u2019s usually not a loud, screaming difference which makes us feel we\u2019re alike when we may just have a similar upbringing or mindset due to life experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I speak often of how single I am but also how comfortable I am in my status but I\u2019ve come to learn that how I\u2019m choosing to be single doesn\u2019t resemble what others think it should be. First and foremost, unless someone is providing at least 2 of the essential F\u2019s in my life, that opinion doesn\u2019t amount to a hill of beans. I have chosen to take time to learn who I am at this stage of my life and heal from all the bullshit I\u2019ve put myself thru by being involved with individuals who didn\u2019t know how to love and appreciate me. I have never been the type to get under someone to get over someone else, it is just not in me, I\u2019m not emotionally built like that but I know quite a few people who jump from situationship to situationship to avoid feeling the pain of a broken relationship. If you are someone who is able to share your body without emotional attachment, more power to you and I wish you nothing but hookups without heartbreak.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

When I say I don\u2019t have time, tolerance, or patience for bullshit, I mean it with every fiber of my being because I am quick to dismiss or ghost someone when I see the first red flag as I\u2019ve loved people thru them and ended up empty and broken as I poured and poured everything I had into someone who didn\u2019t feel the need or desire to pour into me. Apparently, me being this way is taboo and some believe I should put up with foolishness that doesn\u2019t sit right with me as to no longer be single like it\u2019s a disease and the only way to survive is having a partner, shitty or not. Due to my readiness to quickly be done with someone after that first ick, I was recently told \u201cThat\u2019s why you can\u2019t keep a man<\/em>\u201d. Ummm, \u2018scuze me?<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Were there times in my life when I thought I needed to be in some sort of relationship, regardless of how shitty and uncommitted it was, just not to be alone because it made me feel more inadequate as a woman to be single? Yep, there sure were<\/strong> but that was then and healing me is not having that shit anymore. I used to hold onto people who weren\u2019t worthy of me with a white knuckled grip and still cried myself to sleep on a regular basis because my heart was constantly breaking and they didn\u2019t care as I always made myself available to and for them. The reality is, you don\u2019t \u2018keep\u2019 anyone, people stay for a number of reasons and the harsher reality is most of those reasons aren\u2019t because they are so in love with you.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I\u2019ve come to learn and realize from my own experiences, as well as watching others, that people stay together more out of convenience and comfort than love. How many times have you heard someone say, \u201cIt\u2019s just easier to stay because we\u2019ve been together for so long\u201d <\/em>or \u201cIt\u2019s cheaper to keep her<\/em>\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m comfortable<\/em>\u201d? I refuse to settle with someone for the mere fact we have a financially comfortable lifestyle or because I don\u2019t feel like having to get to know someone new, I want to be in love with my best friend as we continue to grow and build together and others feel our happiness just from being around our energy. If we\u2019re just getting to know one another and red flags pop up, what the hell is going to happen if I ignore the flags and move forward, do you really think they\u2019re going to just *POOF* disappear? Hell no, they\u2019re going to multiply and I\u2019ll mentally be back at square 1 and I can\u2019t be Big Bertha\u2019s bitch while sporting unflattering prison orange because I kirked out and was violent with someone\u2019s dusty ass son, I am healing, not yet healed. <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

It all comes down to what works for you and being okay with it not meshing with other people but more importantly, we have to respect one another\u2019s choice and not judge or criticize how they choose to heal and live. Some may find it difficult to believe but I remain silent about a lot I see and don\u2019t agree with as that\u2019s their choice. Trust me, it\u2019s not easy keeping my mouth shut because I am very opinionated and protective of those I care about but having had more unwarranted opinions about my choices voiced to me than necessary and never wanting to create stress, drama, and tension with someone I care about makes it easier to just not say anything. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

If you’re single and choose to be a hermit? Do you. If you are single and choose to THOT it out every once in a while? Do you and them. I say all of this to say, do what works for you, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make your heart soar or someone who’s breathing makes rage rise up in you or settle for someone just not to be single because you’ll be absolutely miserable and that’s no way to spend your life at any age. I believe everyone’s person is out there and own that I probably ghosted mine at some point and that’s fine because I am loving me. Your relationship status doesn’t define you and defines you less if you’re in one for the wrong reasons. Be great my loves!<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey my Lovelies! Yes, I know, it\u2019s been quite awhile since I\u2019ve posted anything but with new work responsibilities comes less time to sit with my thoughts. If I\u2019m being totally honest, there was a stretch when I wasn\u2019t okay but am so very happy to say that, at this moment, I\u2019m good. During my … Continue reading “Your status doesn’t define you”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1508,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-oa","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/relationship-status.jpg?fit=216%2C204&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1498","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1498"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1498\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1509,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1498\/revisions\/1509"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1508"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1498"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1498"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1498"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}