{"id":35,"date":"2016-05-10T18:40:25","date_gmt":"2016-05-10T22:40:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=35"},"modified":"2016-05-10T18:40:25","modified_gmt":"2016-05-10T22:40:25","slug":"want-yourself-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2016\/05\/10\/want-yourself-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Want yourself more"},"content":{"rendered":"

My parents instilled so much in me while I was growing up, I have carried those lessons forward in my everyday life and continue to instill them in my daughters.\u00a0 My daughters are nearing dating age (please pray for me), their father and I make sure they know what is and is not acceptable from a guy and to always maintain their sense of self-worth. There is no way in hell<\/strong> they will leave this house to the honk of a horn! They are worthy of the young man turning off the car, coming to the door, ringing the doorbell and speaking to me or their father before she is to cross that threshold.\u00a0 It\u2019s called respect of us and our daughter, she\u2019s worthy of it. \u00a0If she whines about him possibly leaving if she doesn\u2019t go out when he honks the horn, he\u2019s proven he\u2019s not worthy of dating our daughter and free to drive off alone. Another lesson I maintain? When on a date, I always have my own money in case he expects something from me for what I ordered, we all know about \u201cthat side of the menu\u201d.\u00a0 I\u2019m worth more than a steak dinner and will pay my half and Uber it home, never will I be forced into giving him the goods for a meal.<\/p>\n

As you mature and age, you tend not to demand as much as you should because you want a relationship so badly.\u00a0 When you were in your 20s, your standards were high because you felt the dating pool was deep and full of potential prospects, giving you the option to pick and choose.\u00a0 When you near your 40s, that pool becomes shallow with picked over, bitter men. I, personally, don\u2019t believe that\u2019s any reason to lower my standards.\u00a0 Have you become less worthy because you have experience and maturity? No, you\u2019re more worthy of those standards being met and respected because you DO have life experience and maturity.\u00a0 I understand everyone was raised differently but, again, that is no reason to feel and act as though you\u2019re not worth a man treating you with dignity and respect.<\/p>\n

I know too many females who have lowered their standards for a man who still wasn\u2019t worthy of them once the bar was lowered.\u00a0 To be a viable candidate, a man should bring to the table everything you have to offer.\u00a0 For example, if you have a job, he should have a job; if you have a car, he should have a car; he should have somewhere to lay his head at night that isn\u2019t in his momma\u2019s house, especially if you have your own place, etc..\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying he should have the most expensive vehicle or highest paying job but have one. \u00a0Yes, I know people fall on hard times and may be between vehicles or have to move back home with their parents, I totally get it. Understand this, if he\u2019s fine being without a vehicle and relying on others to get from point A to B or has been home for a few years, he has no intentions of making any changes anytime soon.<\/p>\n

I believe and expect a man should be a man in all aspects of a relationship, just as a woman should.\u00a0 If it snows and I have a man, I should not be outside shoveling snow.\u00a0 Now, I will go out and help where I can but I\u2019m not going to be the main one shoveling while he chills in the house, nor will I cut the grass with my so-called man in the house watching me do so. \u00a0If I\u2019m getting up and working every day, an effort should be made on his part to do the same.\u00a0 If he has an awkward work schedule or hours have been cut back and is off during the week, he should take the initiative to do things around the house, get my oil changed, wash some clothes, mop the floor, don\u2019t just sit around like a bump on a log or playing video games all day. I should never have to worry about taking out the trash nor should I have to ask him to do so, we both see it\u2019s full.<\/p>\n

As women, we tend to enable males to be less than what we truly deserve because we want that relationship to work.\u00a0 We sacrifice friendships and who we used to be in order to spend more time with him, we may even stop speaking our mind out of fear he will leave.\u00a0 Here\u2019s a question for you: what\u2019s the worst that will happen if you speak your mind and he doesn\u2019t like it? \u00a0Or if you enjoy girls\u2019 night every now and then?\u00a0 If he doesn\u2019t like it and leaves, will you die? Will those you love and care about die? No? Okay, it\u2019s time to get back in touch with who truly are, have girl time, invest in me time and speak up and communicate with him, if he can\u2019t take it, he\u2019s not the one for you.\u00a0 Never want a relationship so badly you lose sight of who and how you truly are, always remain true to self and you\u2019ll find the one who loves and encourages you to continue to grow and be who and how you naturally are.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we relax our morals and standards after looking at the autopsies of failed relationships and feel if we had done this, that or the other differently, maybe we would currently be in our happily ever after<\/em>.\u00a0 We are quick to point out where we feel we may have messed up and vow, with our next opportunity for a relationship, to not be so quick to anger or go out with our friends so much.\u00a0 An important aspect of any relationship is maintaining your individuality, you can\u2019t have a successful relationship if it\u2019s always all about that other person.\u00a0 You have to have me time, go get your nails and toes done, get your hair done, have drinks with your girls, you\u2019re allowed and need time apart or you\u2019ll begin to feel smothered which will turn you bitter and looking at another relationship autopsy report.<\/p>\n

I speak from experience because I lost sight of the strong woman I was raised to be just to appease a man and his ego. Although I may have been happy for a little while, I gradually grew miserable because I wasn\u2019t being true to myself.\u00a0 I cut off all of my friends, didn\u2019t go out, went to fewer and fewer family gatherings and didn\u2019t speak up when something was wrong for fear I would offend him and he\u2019d leave. I endured a lot more than I should have because I thought I was the cause of our problems and didn\u2019t want to ruffle his feathers because I didn\u2019t think I could make it on my own. Those who know me today can\u2019t fathom I was ever that way but I was, I wanted that relationship to work so badly I became unrecognizable to myself and others. I became someone he didn\u2019t respect and even lost respect for myself once I reviewed the autopsy report. I am not bitter or angry with him for how things happened because I stayed and put up with it, hoping the more I sacrificed my morals and standards, the more apt he\u2019d be to stay.\u00a0 Even though the relationship didn\u2019t work out, I feel blessed to say\u00a0we are now once again very good friends and I speak my mind and am myself because I am free to be to do so.<\/p>\n

Ladies, never get so deep in trying to appease and relying on someone else that you lose sight of who you were created to be. Your relationship is just that: YOURS, never let anyone else’s judgments have you remain in an unhealthy, uneven relationship. \u00a0If it’s not working (and neither is he), it’s okay to speak on what you want and deserve and up to him whether or not he is willing to deliver. You are worthy of having your door opened, trash taken out, being a passenger more than you are the driver, not having to be the main one footing the bills, we all deserve that love and respect in a relationship. Your representative, you know her, she’s the one who’s been in this relationship faking it til he wakes up? Yeah, her, she won\u2019t be able to sustain a long term relationship because your true self, standards and morals are there and will come to the surface in due time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My parents instilled so much in me while I was growing up, I have carried those lessons forward in my everyday life and continue to instill them in my daughters.\u00a0 My daughters are nearing dating age (please pray for me), their father and I make sure they know what is and is not acceptable from … Continue reading “Want yourself more”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-z","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Love-yourself-more.jpg?fit=584%2C453&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions\/39"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/36"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}