{"id":444,"date":"2018-01-20T10:23:11","date_gmt":"2018-01-20T15:23:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=444"},"modified":"2018-01-20T10:23:11","modified_gmt":"2018-01-20T15:23:11","slug":"its-still-a-lie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/20\/its-still-a-lie\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s Still a Lie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Okay, by now, we all know I have an addiction to ratchet reality television and, if you actually know me, social media as well. They both provide the opportunity for me to realize my life isn\u2019t such a shit storm because people put any and everything out there just to get some sort of attention. Well, scrolling thru my timeline on Facebook\u00ae<\/sup> the other day, I came across a post asking for advice on how to handle a situation: this *ahem* female had been married to a great guy who adored her for about 3 years and the husband was ready to start a family. This \u2018woman\u2019 always made up an excuse as to why it wasn\u2019t the right time but in reality, \u2018she\u2019 couldn\u2019t have children because \u2018she\u2019 wasn\u2019t born a female and, therefore, doesn\u2019t have the necessary equipment to create life. \"ImageThis leads to my question: Is omission lying?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with something seemingly small, a job. You apply for a job which matches your skill set and pay expectations so you omit your arrest for getting drunk and dancing on the bar when you were 25. \"ImageYou don\u2019t say anything because you were young and don\u2019t think it will matter to your new boss and position. Ummm, have you not heard of the internet? Anyone can find out anything about you at any given time. Your potential new job will do a background check and find it. Now, due to you feeling as though it wasn\u2019t worth mentioning, you\u2019ve cost yourself a well-paying job. Had you just shared this with your employer, they may have just chalked it up to youth and welcomed you aboard but now they feel as though they can\u2019t trust anything you say is true. They also look at you as though you can\u2019t handle your liquor and will embarrass the company you represent whenever you go out.<\/p>\n

Something more serious is your health and well-being. You\u2019re seeing this person and you\u2019ve moved into the phase of the relationship where it\u2019s time to be intimate. In this day and age, we have to have the uncomfortable conversation of STDs but if you don\u2019t ask the question, they\u2019re not going to voluntarily tell you it burns when they pee. Or, for those who have one night stands, you\u2019re so caught up in the \u2018passion\u2019 and hormones, things progress very quickly and there\u2019s no time to ask something so personal. They are just concerned with getting laid, emptying their balls and going home to sleep like a baby, they\u2019re not vested in you to feel they owe you enough consideration to give you the option as to whether or not you\u2019re willing to put your sexual health at risk for a few moments of pleasure. Now, due to their omission, you\u2019re sitting in your ob\/gyn\u2019s office because you found some bumps down there which weren\u2019t there before that night.\"Image<\/p>\n

Onto matters of the heart and relationships. You begin seeing someone, believe everything is going straight towards a committed and faithful relationship, therefore, you don\u2019t ask questions because really have no reason to, they light up when they see you, you have a great time together, communicate on a daily basis, no red flags are raised. \"ImageTake the initial scenario with the transgender and her husband, he had no reason to ask if she was born female but will now be destroyed when the truth is revealed. He wasn\u2019t given the choice as to whether or not to move forward with the relationship armed with knowledge of her past. I\u2019m still baffled as to how they, not only dated but are now married and this important fact was omitted. When you get serious with someone, you share your deepest, darkest secrets with them, they become your best friend, how does \u2018I was born a boy<\/em>\u2019 never come up?! The omission of birth gender was a lie because she lived as a woman but wasn\u2019t born as such. So much time and emotions have been invested and wasted, even more will be wasted getting over this deception. Hell, jail time may even come into play because he could kirk all the way out when she finally comes clean and choke her out because people snap without warning.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know about you but I was taught not to ask questions I wasn\u2019t ready to hear the answer to but I don\u2019t always abide by this because there are things I need <\/strong>to know, whether I\u2019m ready to hear it or not. I compare it to ripping off a Band-Aid\u00ae<\/sup> because you know it\u2019s going to hurt but it needs to be done so you can move past the pain and begin to heal. \"ImageTrust me when I tell you, no one wants to ask the person who has their heart if they are seeing or interested in someone else but when your gut is telling you something is amiss, you have to bite that bullet. \"ImageAsking this question will definitely cause issues in your relationship because now your partner feels as though you don\u2019t trust them or will even make you out to be the bad person and say you\u2019re insecure. Truth be told, if you are feeling some sort of way and they care about you as much as they claim, they\u2019ll put your fears to rest and step up to be more active as to not lose you. Another way it could cause issues is you\u2019ll hear the awful truth of \u201cYes, I\u2019ve been seeing them for the past 4 months<\/em>\u201d. At this point, you will literally feel yourself die on the inside, you\u2019ll be so overcome with heartbreak your knees will get weak and it will feel as though you\u2019ve gone deaf because you hear nothing after that statement.\"Image<\/p>\n

Neglecting to tell your partner when there is an issue between the 2 of you is a form of omission as well. Your needs aren\u2019t getting met and you begin to create scenarios in your own mind, again, not sharing with your partner but with someone else. If you want more sex or for the oral to be equal, meaning if I do you, you do me, tell them! Don\u2019t keep this bottled up inside because that\u2019s the perfect recipe for another person to come in the picture and become a problem. If you want your Boo to be more romantic, take the lead and show them what romance means by sending them flowers or cooking a meal just for the 2 of you. \"ImageIf you walk around coveting these things without opening your mouth until you just can\u2019t take it anymore, it will come out of left field to them because they thought everything was okay between you.<\/p>\n

Once you\u2019ve decided to move forward and work towards a relationship with someone, you need to begin to let them in by sharing some of your deepest secrets with them. How are you going to repeatedly lay down and share your precious gift with someone you don\u2019t feel you can ask about their personal life? If more people would open up, be vulnerable and share their past hurts and experiences with each other, there\u2019d be more understanding of certain actions which will come up in a relationship.\"Image Maybe your Boo was sexually abused as a child and that\u2019s why they\u2019re uncomfortable with intimacy. If this little tidbit were shared, you wouldn\u2019t sit there and wonder why they\u2019re not attracted to you or why they don\u2019t initiate sex. Your Boo could\u2019ve had a father who wasn\u2019t present and left at a crucial point in their life and now this person clings to every male they meet seeking that \u2018daddy love\u2019 or their last partner could\u2019ve cheated on them repeatedly which will breed trust issues with everyone who comes after. Hell, both genders are guilty of omitting past sexual partners to keep their numbers low. Please, someone, anyone, explain this to me. If they mattered enough to have sex with, when did they cease to matter as a notch on your belt? Do you believe it\u2019s never going to come up again after the initial question? Let me know how that works out for you.<\/p>\n

The reality is omitting something doesn\u2019t make it better, actually makes it worse because that omission will come to light and people will be hurt, crushed and possibly destroyed. My personal belief is people omit certain things because they don\u2019t believe they\u2019ll ever be found out but we all know what\u2019s done in darkness always comes to light. If you have nothing to hide, why not share it? \"ImageAre you afraid it\u2019s going to cost you a job or relationship? Honestly, depending on what you\u2019re sharing, it could make your relationship stronger, however, having a side piece or feelings for someone else will definitely end it though. If you are not willing to share any and everything, don\u2019t claim you\u2019re an honest person because not telling me something is lying and dishonest. I know it\u2019s hard to have \u2018those\u2019 conversations but having them shows the other person you respect them enough to tell the full truth.<\/p>\n

As a grown person, there\u2019s no need to omit anything you\u2019ve done, when you do so, you\u2019re only lying to yourself. None of us has lived a life of perfection and greatly thought out ideas, shit has happened, hit the fan \"Imageand gone sideways, own it and get on with your life. When someone learns you\u2019ve omitted something, they feel as though they can\u2019t trust you because if you didn\u2019t share something so insignificant as your true dress size, what else are you hiding? Don\u2019t wait until you are asked a question about something serious before speaking on it, would you want someone to do that to you? I didn\u2019t think so\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Okay, by now, we all know I have an addiction to ratchet reality television and, if you actually know me, social media as well. They both provide the opportunity for me to realize my life isn\u2019t such a shit storm because people put any and everything out there just to get some sort of attention. … Continue reading “It’s Still a Lie”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":445,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-7a","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/omission-of-truth-e1516461197503.jpg?fit=450%2C338&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":447,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions\/447"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/445"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}