When we care about someone, we care about every aspect of their being but sometimes the \u201ccaring\u201d comes off as judgement.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all been in a situation at least once where we didn\u2019t believe the man dating our friend\/family member deserved her.\u00a0 Here\u2019s where you have to be the grown up and simply support your loved one.\u00a0 Supporting her doesn\u2019t mean you agree with the situation, it means you love her enough to be there for her thru everything that may transpire, good or bad.<\/p>\n
When we love someone, we want nothing but the best for them and, sometimes, force our opinions and viewpoints on their relationship.\u00a0 All that does is alienate you from your friend.\u00a0 When we are in what we deem is love, all we see are sparkles and rainbows, we don\u2019t see the bad, we don\u2019t want to nor should we be forced to. \u00a0We feel the need to tell ourselves this is going to work, he\u2019s not perfect but it\u2019s going to work because I love him.\u00a0 At this point, we don\u2019t need our friends telling us what we kind of already know, we\u2019re not always ready to have the rose colored glasses snatched off.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to stand on the outside and look in to someone else\u2019s relationship and see the many flaws and how it could or should be different but we tend to overstep our boundaries and repeatedly tell our friend what\u2019s wrong with her man.\u00a0 That\u2019s a big no-no because all that does is push her closer to someone who may truly mean her no good but she feels she doesn\u2019t have your support.<\/p>\n
When we see things wrong in someone else\u2019s relationship, as a friend, we feel it is our responsibility to talk to them and let them know what we see and how we feel.\u00a0 While this is true, it should only be done ONCE.\u00a0 If you are continually pointing out the flaws of the man she loves, she will begin to see you as the enemy.\u00a0 Does this man have the most amount of couth you\u2019ve ever experienced?\u00a0 Is he the most driven person?\u00a0 Best dresser?\u00a0 Best communicator?\u00a0 The no\u2019s to these questions aren\u2019t what truly matter, the answer to: Does he make her happy? is the one that matters most. \u00a0Has this man done messed up things to your friend (infidelity, disrespect, etc.)?\u00a0 Maybe so but she chooses to stay with him and tolerate it, nothing you say will make her leave him alone until she is absolutely ready.<\/p>\n
Supporting your friend means being there for her when she cries over something that happened in her relationship without saying \u201cI told you so\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m glad you finally saw what I\u2019ve been telling you all along\u201d or \u201cGirl, it\u2019s about damn time\u201d.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t want or need to hear any of that, she is hurting and just needs a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board to vent to, and you to be a voice of reason only when asked, never before. I\u2019ve had situations where I don\u2019t agree with the relationship but also learned it\u2019s not my place to speak on it unless I\u2019m asked.\u00a0 Unwarranted advice is offensive because it\u2019s attempted to be justified by those that love us, stating \u201cI only tell you this because I love you\u201d.\u00a0 Yeah, that\u2019s great.\u00a0 When I\u2019ve received unwarranted advice, I get offended because it makes me feel the person dishing it out doesn\u2019t think I\u2019m smart enough to already know what they are speaking on.\u00a0 I\u2019m not dumb and neither are you, our eyes are open, we see what\u2019s going on and are dealing with the situation as we see fit.\u00a0 Everyone isn\u2019t going to agree with how you handle your issues in your relationship because it\u2019s not how they would handle it.\u00a0 Relationships are like snowflakes, no two are identical.\u00a0 We all handle every situation differently because we are all different.\u00a0 How you handle infidelity may not be how I handle it and vice versa but that doesn\u2019t make either of us wrong, it\u2019s our choice.<\/p>\n
The main way to support your friend in her relationship is to treat him kindly.\u00a0 When you walk in and already have a stank eye because he\u2019s there, everyone notices and feels your energy, especially your friend.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to be his best friend, your job is to be her best friend and treat him as an extension of her.\u00a0 If you are rude to him every chance you get, the invites will slowly come to an end because she doesn\u2019t want to have to choose between you and her man.\u00a0 Relationships are hard enough as it is, there\u2019s no need to bring unnecessary drama to someone else\u2019s situation.\u00a0 I understand you want to protect your friend from any type of hurt and heartache but it\u2019s not your job and, actually, not possible.\u00a0 You can\u2019t want more for someone than they want for themselves.<\/p>\n
Her relationship is her issue and hers to deal with, not yours.\u00a0 It\u2019s not easy standing by watching someone you love go thru hell but you can\u2019t nitpick their eyes open either.\u00a0 \u00a0If you are constantly speaking only on the bad, she\u2019ll slowly begin to pull away and tell you less and less about what is truly happening.\u00a0 There are a couple of reasons this is bad: #1 ~ she\u2019ll be alone in the best and worst times of her relationship, no one to share either news with, no one to get advice from, #2 ~ she won\u2019t have anyone to rely on but him and he could possibly begin to abuse that power over her, and #3 ~ GOD forbid it ever gets physical, you may not know until it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n
My experience, and you can probably relate, has been the main one bitching and complaining about my<\/strong> relationship has never had a successful one.\u00a0 How can someone who\u2019s not in a relationship tell you how to handle yours?\u00a0 Funny, huh? I don\u2019t give advice to anyone because if it is followed and causes the relationship to end, my friend ends up resenting me.\u00a0 I learned a long time ago to just say how I handled it when I was in a similar situation while repeating \u201cThis is how I handled it but you may want to do it differently\u201d.<\/p>\n Everyone needs to go thru things in their own time and experience trials and tribulations to grow into the person they were meant to be.\u00a0 Your lack of support will only hinder that growth and cause them to repeat the necessary lesson over and over again until they finally get it.\u00a0 We can\u2019t take the test and learn the lessons for anyone but ourselves.\u00a0 So, the next time your friend complains about her man, just listen and be there for her.\u00a0 Yes, it is hard to hear some of the things she is going thru but until she is ready, she\u2019s going to continue to go thru it.\u00a0 Grab that box of tissues and some wine and sit with her while she unloads and continue to treat him as an extension of your friend.\u00a0 That\u2019s all you can and should do for those you love.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When we care about someone, we care about every aspect of their being but sometimes the \u201ccaring\u201d comes off as judgement.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all been in a situation at least once where we didn\u2019t believe the man dating our friend\/family member deserved her.\u00a0 Here\u2019s where you have to be the grown up and simply support your … Continue reading “Support vs Acceptance”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":46,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7va7x-45","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/support.jpg?fit=382%2C379&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45\/revisions\/48"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/46"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}