Unless you married the first boy who ever spoke to you or are still friends with that first little girl you met in kindergarten, you\u2019ve had a relationship or two end.\u00a0 The ending of relationships, whether they be romantic or friendships, is hard and usually unpleasant.\u00a0 Relationships end for a variety of reasons, some legit and some so petty you are still baffled to this very day wondering what on earth happened.\u00a0 One day, you\u2019re hanging out with your best friend and the next week she\u2019s not even speaking to you.\u00a0 Or, you and your Boo are sailing along wonderfully and out of the blue you get a call saying \u201cI need some space\u201d and he\u2019s gone. The first question we tend to ask is \u201cWhat did I do wrong\u201d? and, with that other person not speaking to you, it\u2019s impossible to have an answer.<\/p>\n
Too many relationships end with no closure, leaving at least one person eternally wondering what could have been and where things went so tragically wrong.\u00a0 When we don\u2019t get closure, we tend not to be able to move on fully to the next phase in our lives because we\u2019re still stuck in the past of what was.\u00a0 In order to obtain some fragment of closure, you have to deal with the situation, go thru all of the emotions and pain that loss has brought to you in order to heal from it.\u00a0 The hardest part of a relationship ending is accepting it\u2019s actually over.\u00a0 It is a loss and needs to be grieved as such.\u00a0 Closure is even harder to obtain when the end comes out of nowhere, when you think things are great and looking forward to a future with someone and then, POOF, they\u2019re gone and you\u2019re left high, dry and alone with your all-consuming thoughts.<\/p>\n
We all struggle with our own demons created from past pains and disappointments but, unfortunately, most of us don\u2019t even realize how not dealing with and healing from those experiences continue to affect each and every relationship we encounter as we continue to mature.\u00a0 If you were always told you were fat growing up, you continue to believe that thru adulthood and try every diet on the market to be an unrealistic size or shape, never embracing and accepting your womanly curves.\u00a0 Having to fight for the approval of your parents and those you looked up to probably made you feel you were never good enough and you carry that self-doubt within yourself your entire life.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to heal from something you aren\u2019t even aware is holding you back.\u00a0 Your father may have never been a permanent fixture in your life but the resentment will become one if not dealt with.\u00a0 A way I have learned to heal from my past is to have a grown up conversation with those who affected the image I had of myself due to who they told me I was or wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 There will be people in your life who will never own anything they did to you, please understand that is their cross to bear, not yours, don\u2019t let it hold you back from healing.\u00a0 At that point, all you can do is say \u201cI forgive you\u201d, mean it, pray for them and move on with your life.\u00a0 There will also be people you aren\u2019t able to physically speak with because either they have passed or you have no way in getting in contact with them and this will be when you have to rely on your faith and talk to GOD and forgive them.<\/p>\n
The doubts within you create your demons.\u00a0 Remember when you were head over heels in love with someone and nothing you did was good enough for them?\u00a0 You did everything right and they still opted to leave you for someone less stellar than you. You need to deal with the reality they had demons of their own which didn\u2019t allow them to love you as you deserved, they couldn\u2019t handle you and all of your fabulousness, it was too much for them to bear. This wasn\u2019t about you but you feel like it was and carry that self-doubt forward, settling for less than you deserve just to have someone who loves you.\u00a0 You find a mate who absolutely adores you but have no true love connection with them, you won\u2019t let yourself get that close again for fear of having your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped into the ground.\u00a0 This situation isn\u2019t fair to either of you, he loves and would do anything for you and you let him without reciprocating his feelings.\u00a0 Remember how it felt when your Boo did that to you?\u00a0 Babygirl, deal with and heal from that previous pain so you don\u2019t damage another human being with the understanding you would never want anyone else to experience the pain you did.<\/p>\n
In this day and age, life moves so fast, genuine communication is rare and people would rather just be a jerk until you get tired of dealing with them and the relationship just dies.\u00a0 This is an example of why so many of us are damaged, shortcomings and feelings are no longer expressed, they\u2019re just logs being thrown onto the already growing fire destined to destroy each of you.\u00a0 If you aren\u2019t happy about his actions, what is so hard about telling him how you feel? We\u2019re all afraid to say anything that isn\u2019t about good feelings out of fear they\u2019ll leave us.\u00a0 Well, if he leaves, he wasn\u2019t meant to be with you, your Mr. Right is out there waiting but he won\u2019t show up until you are whole. In order to gain your completeness, you have to deal with the bricks of the past, not just sweep them to the side like it never happened because they\u2019re actually building a wall you can\u2019t see until it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n
When you don\u2019t have closure and see that person years later, you\u2019re taken back to the last moment you were together, regardless of the time span.\u00a0 This is damaging because you thought you had moved on and past him until you see him and you\u2019re now confused about whether or not you made the right choice.\u00a0 That pain will consume your thoughts and actions, all because it was not a mutually agreed upon discussion about why it wouldn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, we live in a highly technological society, everything is communicated electronically.\u00a0 This is a problem because tone and sincerity cannot be detected via an email or text. When you have a serious discussion with someone you love, the minimum you should do is pick up the phone so you can speak to them, let them hear your tone and have a conversation about your feelings.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know what mood they\u2019re in when they read your text, they could have just had an argument or deep discussion with someone else and will read your message with that same hostile tone even though you were crying when you poured your heart out.<\/p>\n
Take some much needed \u201cme time\u201d and review your life and past relationships.\u00a0 We all have a seed that was planted years ago which is the root of the tree that is our life.\u00a0 That one little seed was nurtured and watered by less than perfect, and sometimes damaging, relationships you would experience as you matured.\u00a0 That one little seed that was never dealt with is now a well rooted tree in your soul.\u00a0 Go back and find that seed so you can deal with it and heal from the hurt and damage you\u2019ve endured for way too long.\u00a0 If you are in a relationship that isn\u2019t working out, talk to them and express how you feel, have a grown up conversation, don\u2019t finger point or nitpick, just communicate your feelings, be vulnerable.\u00a0 Get the closure you need and deserve so you aren\u2019t damaging yourself or that other person.\u00a0 You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and is now ending. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.\u00a0We all deserve closure, don\u2019t deny yourself or another human being that right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Unless you married the first boy who ever spoke to you or are still friends with that first little girl you met in kindergarten, you\u2019ve had a relationship or two end.\u00a0 The ending of relationships, whether they be romantic or friendships, is hard and usually unpleasant.\u00a0 Relationships end for a variety of reasons, some legit … Continue reading “Dealing + Healing = Closure”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":59,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-W","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Closure.jpg?fit=668%2C293&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=58"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":62,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions\/62"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/59"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=58"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=58"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=58"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}