{"id":671,"date":"2019-08-04T10:41:06","date_gmt":"2019-08-04T14:41:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=671"},"modified":"2019-08-04T10:41:12","modified_gmt":"2019-08-04T14:41:12","slug":"the-issues-of-a-mommy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2019\/08\/04\/the-issues-of-a-mommy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Issues of a Mommy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There is a phrase I\u2019m hearing a lot more from guys lately in reference to females, \u201cShe has daddy issues<\/em>\u201d and I can\u2019t really speak on what they are because I don\u2019t romantically deal with females. I will own I have a daddy issue which hinders me in the dating world and I would have it no other way. My issue is that my father set the bar and standard of what a man should be for the woman he loves and cares about and, unfortunately, in this day and age, very few measure up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The ones who measure up in the beginning have gotten lazy because they think once they \u2018got me\u2019, they can slack off and that just shows me is it\u2019s not who they are and merely acted that way in hopes of getting laid. Little do these guys know, my daddy taught me how to not to be so easily fooled that I can be talked out of my panties for a slick tongued dude. I am blessed to have the lessons he instilled in me and will be happily single until someone worthy of all I have to offer steps up with real, genuine intentions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So often, we speak only of females behaving in certain manners because she didn\u2019t have a daddy in her life with little mention of men having mommy issues. Yes, mommy issues are real but no one speaks of it but makes excuses as to why he is the way he is, sometimes even blaming the other females he has dealt with, all the while we overlook the main culprit: His Momma. As females, we\u2019re supposed to support our men in every facet and be that nurturing spirit they may have been lacking at some point in their lives. As females, we\u2019re supposed to overlook, accept and love our men thru all of their breakdowns, lack of communication and even when they push us away, we\u2019re supposed to patiently wait until they have their shit together enough to man up and come back to our open and accepting arms of love and comfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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There is nothing wrong with supporting your man at all but when you\u2019re doing it at the cost of your own sanity and peace of mind, you need to sit back and re-evaluate the real issues at hand and realize it\u2019s nothing to do with you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first mommy issue we\u2019re going to delve into is the infamous Momma\u2019s Boy! Yes, we\u2019ve all known and some have foolishly loved this damaged man, I belong to the foolish ones clique. This type of male has an unhealthy relationship with his mother and it\u2019s usually not totally his fault because the mother is the one who doesn\u2019t know how to take the titty out of his mouth and let him grow up. This is a hard relationship to be in because her milk is the only nourishment he\u2019s known, she\u2019s the one who is there when his heart gets broken, she\u2019s the one who will never leave him which makes anyone who couldn\u2019t take his childish bullshit appear as a heartless bitch who didn\u2019t appreciate him for who he is. The reality is, you left him because you saw who he was and were tired of being broken by someone who didn\u2019t know how to put you first because his mother is a dominating force in his life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The mother sees and treats her son as her king and man, relying on him to do the things a grown man who is sexing her should be doing: leaving his home, woman and bed to go to her home to figure out why her cable isn\u2019t working, washing her car even though he doesn\u2019t put a bubble on his woman\u2019s car, expecting him to be her financial support while she mismanages her own money, etc. This is a difficult relationship to have with him because he will constantly be torn who to do for, you or his momma and you usually lose out because he\u2019ll throw the guilt trip on you of, \u201cBaby, it\u2019s my mother, what do you expect me to do\u201d? <\/em>He will constantly feel torn and in the middle and you\u2019ll receive much disrespect from him and her before you\u2019re done with it all. In the beginning, we respect him that much more because he does whatever he can to take care of his mother but that shit gets old quick when she feels she has license to speak to you however she feels and he doesn\u2019t bat an eye. Here\u2019s the reality of dealing with a Momma\u2019s Boy and his momma \u2013 to her, you\u2019re viewed as the side chick and are a threat because you are giving him the one thing she never could: SEX. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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With him, you\u2019ll never have all of him because she has a hold on him she\u2019s not willing to relinquish since he\u2019s always been there with and for her, he\u2019s the only male that\u2019s loved her unconditionally and will never leave and, if he attempts to grow up, she\u2019ll guilt trip him into doing more for her as he puts you on the back burner of his priorities. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all watch television and see what we deem are the ideal mothers, you know the ones who are there for their children when they have a good\/bad day, kiss their boo-boos, work a full day and come home and put a hot meal on the table, and are their biggest cheerleader and support in all of their activities. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Unfortunately, this isn\u2019t a reality for some and a harder pill to swallow for the little boy who does everything to gain his mother\u2019s approval, hugs, kisses and support. The little boy who grew up with a mother in the house but wasn\u2019t present will crave that type of nurturing love and support but fear it when it\u2019s presented in the form of a woman who fills the void of his cravings. While he may crave that type of love and support, he doesn\u2019t know how to handle it and will regress to that little boy who felt he wasn\u2019t good enough for his own mother and push you away, no matter how perfect you are for him, he\u2019s too scared to believe you won\u2019t disappoint him the way she did. Instinctually, we stay by his side, loving him thru his dark moments (which he\u2019ll have more of than you can count because he\u2019s fighting a battle within himself you know nothing about), doing everything in our power to prove to him he\u2019s worthy of your love and that you\u2019ll never leave him. There will come a point when you realize you have to leave him because trying to love him into being whole will destroy you because you\u2019re not getting what you desire or deserve and you can\u2019t put him back together, that\u2019s his responsibility. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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With this type of man, it won\u2019t matter how perfect you are, he\u2019ll never appreciate it because, if the first woman in his life didn\u2019t feel he was worthy of unconditional love and support wasn\u2019t there for him, he\u2019ll never believe and have faith you or anyone else will. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have now come to the perfect mother who passes away; leaving a void within her son he\u2019s now too afraid to let anyone near. His mother did a wonderful job raising her son with a healthy balance of nurturing support but letting him grow up; he\u2019s a great man, a gentleman, great provider, kind and has a heart full of love. He sounds ideal, doesn\u2019t he? Well, he really is but once you get close and he starts to fall for you, he\u2019ll back off because he doesn\u2019t want to go thru the pain of loss again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Again, this has nothing to do with you but you suffer because you get your feelings involved and all of sudden\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..nothing, the usual texts and communication trickle off to nothing at all and you\u2019re standing there holding your broken heart wondering what the hell happened. \u00a0What happened was he got in his own head and thoughts of missing his mother and needed to create space between the two of you before he cared too much. Yes, this sucks big time because you had no intentions of leaving him, only loving him, but you can\u2019t compete with someone who was everything to him but is no longer here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a mother, I know I\u2019m not perfect but, dammit, I do my best for my girls and can\u2019t understand how a mother could use her child as a verbal and physical punching bag. Hell, when I have to discipline my girls, I feel like shit and retreat to my room so they don\u2019t see me breaking from seeing the hurt in their eyes. When I decided to bring them into this world, I made the conscious choice to put their well-being before my own and make their lives better than what I had growing up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Unfortunately, there are females who have brought sons into this world who they treat as the worst thing they could have ever done, reminding them on a regular basis that they aren\u2019t shit when they\u2019re actually pretty great human beings. This type of woman will take all of her bitterness and transgressions towards men out on the one who can\u2019t truly fend for himself and looks to her for protection, nurturing, love and support. When she has a bad day, she physically and verbally takes it out on the male who just wants a hug because he had a bad day as well. The male raised in this environment doesn\u2019t know what real love is because the only way it was expressed to him was thru a beating with anything she could get her hands on or constantly being yelled at and belittled. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Having been raised in a household where the only time someone touched him caused bruises, welts, or cuts causes him not to know how to be affectionate which is a major factor in an intimate relationship. This man will show his affection verbally and not understand why it\u2019s not enough because he seeks the affirmations that he\u2019s doing right and, once again, be made to feel less than because it\u2019s not what she\u2019s expecting or used to. If you genuinely care about him, understand you will need the patience of Job in the area of affection and teach him that every touch doesn\u2019t lead to pain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\nare all damaged in some form or another and the initial cause of that damage\ncomes from our parents who didn\u2019t know any better at the time they were\ninflicting it. Yes, females have mommy issues as well which will hinder\nrelationships because she is so afraid of not pleasing or making her mother\nproud, she\u2019ll question everything in her life from her job, parenting skills\nand every romantic relationship. Mommy issues aren\u2019t gender specific but rear their\nugly heads in different manners depending on the gender: a man will push you\naway and run scared because they\u2019re taught not to show emotions whereas a\nfemale will cling to a man harder trying to prove she is good enough. Seeing as\nthough we\u2019re all damaged in our own ways, we need to take the time to\nunderstand where the damage began and decide whether or not we can handle\nhealing something we had nothing to do with. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know many mothers, single and married, who have and are raising boys into men and I respect them more than they could ever know because the weight of that responsibility isn\u2019t bestowed unto everyone. Yes, it seems totally selfish to say this but I openly admit I never wanted a son because I know how I am and didn\u2019t want to create a human who would cause a female the type of pain I have endured at the hands of the types of men I\u2019ve spoken on. It\u2019s hard to tell someone that who and how their mother was doesn\u2019t define them because she is the one who gave them life, the one who is supposed to protect, support, nurture and love them thru anything. We all seek our mommy\u2019s approval and when it\u2019s not given, we never feel worthy of anyone who just wants to love and care for us. It is our personal responsibility to realize how great of a person we are and not the person we were conditioned to believe we were by someone who was too damaged from their past to love us properly. Mothers, I beg of you, please take the responsibility of raising you boys into the healthy, strong, loving men you’d want for yourself but with the willingness to share him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is a phrase I\u2019m hearing a lot more from guys lately in reference to females, \u201cShe has daddy issues\u201d and I can\u2019t really speak on what they are because I don\u2019t romantically deal with females. I will own I have a daddy issue which hinders me in the dating world and I would have … Continue reading “The Issues of a Mommy”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":673,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-671","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-aP","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/mothers-and-sons-quote-e1564928668984.jpg?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/671","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=671"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/671\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":675,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/671\/revisions\/675"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/673"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=671"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=671"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=671"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}