{"id":679,"date":"2019-08-11T17:44:24","date_gmt":"2019-08-11T21:44:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=679"},"modified":"2019-08-11T17:44:31","modified_gmt":"2019-08-11T21:44:31","slug":"be-willing-to-learn-a-new-language","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2019\/08\/11\/be-willing-to-learn-a-new-language\/","title":{"rendered":"Be willing to learn a new language"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I was having a conversation with a friend today and he expressed disgust because his dog licked him in the face while he was trying to sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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While he was irritated, he also spoke of how he was lying down with his eyes closed but wasn\u2019t wearing his CPAP machine which helps him breathe. I explained to him that, while he was annoyed by dog breath and spit on his face, she was showing concern and love and making sure he was okay. For the last few years, there\u2019s been this study going around which helps people decipher their specific Love Language<\/em> and understand others thru their language. There are 5 Love Languages<\/em> which help you understand why a person does or doesn\u2019t respond to you in the manner you\u2019ve become accustomed or feeds your soul. His dog was expressing her Love Language of affection and physical touch to show him she cared about him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I took the Love Language<\/em> quiz a few years ago and it was no surprise to me or anyone who knows me that my main one is Affection and Physical Touch<\/em> followed by Quality Time<\/em>. Just like I\u2019m a frickin cupid who loves love, thru touch is how I receive my affirmation someone cares about and desires me. When you\u2019ve grown up with affection, it\u2019s how you know someone cares about you. I believed all people were this way but am sadly disappointed when someone else\u2019s LL <\/em>is Words of Affirmation<\/em> or Acts of Service<\/em>. Yes, it\u2019s great to hear someone whose opinion you respect tell you they are proud of you but when affection or receiving gifts is your LL<\/em>, it doesn’t speak to or touch your soul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Those words of affirmation and kudos are great and help you grow with confidence when received from an elder like your parent or grandparent because their approval is always sought to confirm we\u2019re following the path they lay for us. I own 100% that I sought words of affirmation from my mother for decades and struggled with making decisions in my own personal life because I never knew if I was living up to her expectations. Yes, I know now<\/strong> that\u2019s no way to live, you can\u2019t live your life teetering on someone else\u2019s opinions because it\u2019s your life to live, not theirs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being who and how I am with the leading language of Affection<\/em>, I naturally give the other languages, I believe they fall directly under mine. If I care about someone, I will tell them how much I appreciate them and how proud I am for something they\u2019ve done in their life; to show them I\u2019m thinking about them, I\u2019ll send or buy them small trinkets just because I was thinking of them which caters to the language of Receiving Gifts.<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Since I crave physical touch and attention, I\u2019m going to want to be around them all the dayum time (Attention<\/em>) and offer to help with any task that won\u2019t get my clothes dirty, make me sweat or damage a nail (Act of Service<\/em>). C\u2019mon now, I\u2019m still a girly girl who will gladly keep you company and hand you tools as you\u2019re changing oil or brakes, just please, I beg of you, don\u2019t expect me to do the work with you because I will not be happy and if I ain\u2019t happy, you won\u2019t be either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I reached a milestone in my life: I bought my own car with my own insurance! Yay me! Now, to some, that may seem ridiculous but for me it was an act of acknowledging I\u2019m officially an adult and it only took 47 years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I\u2019ve always had my mom and dad there in the car buying process, putting cars and insurance in their names for me, taking care of me like parents do and I LOVE and APPRECIATE them for it. Thru the car buying process, I had to admit for the first time that I might be a little spoiled because I\u2019ve been blessed to live a life only dreamt of and hoped for by many but it was my norm and all I\u2019d ever known. In verbalizing being spoiled, I also realized I can also be quite the brat when things don\u2019t go my way and I don\u2019t know which language that is a part of, might just be my personality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I\u2019ve actually had it pretty great in my life but still had the audacity to complain and have been humbled by the stories of others which brought a tear to my eye because their upbringing was some shit. I\u2019ve been blessed to experience all of the LLs<\/em> growing up from those around me and have grown accustomed to and expect anyone who enters my life to exhibit all of them. Being brought up the way I was, I don\u2019t understand someone who only has one LL<\/em> and the brat rears her ugly head when I\u2019m not showered with all of the languages. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since I am aware of the LLs<\/em>, I never thought about how someone with a different language would impact me and my feelings nor did I realize how much I need the affection in a romantic relationship until I didn\u2019t have it. I\u2019ve stayed in a couple of relationships with the belief the person I was with would wake up and shower me with affection outside of the bedroom and them being horny because they cared about me. Let me state this: showing affection just to get laid is more of an insult than attempt of showing affection and sexual innuendos without affection makes someone like me feel like I\u2019m only there for you to empty your sack and that\u2019s not gonna make the pannies drop\u2026\u2026\u2026..at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I simply believe once you learn someone\u2019s LL<\/em> and care about them, you will do what it takes to adapt and give them what they desire and crave, WRONG! When someone only lives by one LL<\/em>, they live with blinders on and know absolutely nothing about the others and show their love thru the only language they know which is where the clash comes into play. Selfishly, I don\u2019t accept the inability to adapt and become who they need you to be because, if you care about someone, you\u2019re supposed to do what it takes, right? But, unfortunately, everyone isn\u2019t built to be affectionate, tell you they\u2019re proud of and appreciate you, or lavish you with gifts and attention. Although I appear to act as though I know everything, I actually don\u2019t, shocking right? All I go on is what I feel in my soul and would be willing to do for the person I claim to care about because I know what it means to them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you have a job\/career, technology will come into play and alter everything you previously knew, you have to learn new skills and ways of getting the job done, why can\u2019t you do that for the person you claim to want to be with? If you don\u2019t adapt at work, they will quickly replace you with someone who went to school and received the training and a degree and replace you with the quickness but you expect the person who cares about you to just accept you as you are?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Is it because the person you\u2019re with isn\u2019t paying for your livelihood that you see no reason to grow and adapt to being what they need? When it comes to love and relationships, they may not financially compensate you but the feelings they fill your soul with can\u2019t compare with that paycheck. Well, wait, I\u2019ll take that back because if your LL is Receiving Gifts<\/em>, money and material items are what you relate to. I don\u2019t understand the Receiving Gifts<\/em> as an act of love because I grew up watching my mother have everything materialistic she had ever dreamed of bestowed upon her by her husband and still left because she wasn\u2019t fulfilled in the areas which mattered most to her. This is not to say that I don\u2019t appreciate jewelry, purses, or shoes because I do, just not as the only way to prove you love me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all have our own Love Language<\/em> and, if we\u2019re lucky, we\u2019ll find the one who speaks it fluently and live happily ever after. Now, the reality is, with everyone being as unique and individual as snowflakes, there will be people who speak a different language than the one which speaks to and ignites your soul but their overall being captivates your mind and spirit and, at that point, you have a decision to make: do you take them as they are while making the compromise and lacking what you desire or just walk away because it\u2019s not worth the energy and time at this phase of your life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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That\u2019s a question I\u2019m not able to answer for you or anyone else, hell, I\u2019m having a hard enough time answering it for myself. I think the LL <\/em>chart is very helpful if you use it to understand what soothes another\u2019s soul and spirit with the willingness and ability to adapt to make them feel desired and wanted. I believe it becomes a problem when you know what it takes and do nothing about it and use \u201cI wasn\u2019t brought up that way so I don\u2019t know any other way to be<\/em>\u201d as a crutch because you\u2019re telling that person they\u2019re not worth you even trying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn your language and study the others so you know how to love another properly but don\u2019t say you understand but are unwilling to adapt and show them what they mean to you. Love is all about effort, whether it be thru time, attention, affection, gifts or words of affirmation<\/em>, everyone has a language that, once decoded, will open them up to being the best person for and to you. \u00a0When loved properly, we naturally become better people, it shows in our smiles, the way our eyes light up around them, and our overall being. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I was having a conversation with a friend today and he expressed disgust because his dog licked him in the face while he was trying to sleep. While he was irritated, he also spoke of how he was lying down with his eyes closed but wasn\u2019t wearing his CPAP machine which helps him breathe. I … Continue reading “Be willing to learn a new language”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":680,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-aX","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Love-Languagw-e1565558670882.jpg?fit=320%2C413&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=679"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":686,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions\/686"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=679"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}