{"id":763,"date":"2020-01-04T11:33:31","date_gmt":"2020-01-04T16:33:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=763"},"modified":"2020-01-04T11:33:39","modified_gmt":"2020-01-04T16:33:39","slug":"top-of-my-to-do-list-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/04\/top-of-my-to-do-list-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Top of My To Do List: ME"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Welp, we\u2019ve celebrated, not just another year but, the beginning of a whole new decade, woo frickin hoo. Everywhere you look, you see the same ol\u2019 \u201cNew Year, New Me<\/em>\u201d bullshit. Yes, I call it bullshit because, if you\u2019re so hell bent on being a better, newer you, why do you have to wait until the year changes on the calendar to do so? Why is it that no one ever makes that statement when the season changes from dreary dead trees to the newness of flowers once again in bloom in the spring?  How come no one is as eager to shed their dead weight as the trees shed their dead leaves in the fall? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Yes, I know it sounds great to start a new year off with a new attitude and outlook on things to change which you don\u2019t feel are working but why not use the beginning of a new week to make that change? It doesn\u2019t have to be anything big nor does it have to be broadcast for the world to see on social media because, honestly, what if you slip, backslide or fail? How many people are going to genuinely and authentically be there for you to pick you up and encourage you to keep moving forward until you meet your goal? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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About two or so months ago, a friend of mine challenged me to come up with 10 things I love about myself and, as I sat confidently with pen in hand, I stalled at #3! You see, my friend tasked me to do this in a sort of Self-Love movement that she, another girlfriend of ours and I have reluctantly joined together; the reluctance comes from being born in a generation which was taught not to brag on ourselves due to it appearing as being arrogant. It wasn\u2019t until I stalled did I realize that I obviously had some shit I needed to work on and thru. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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All this time of working on myself, I thought I had learned what self-love truly was even after having been broken and shattered by giving too much of myself to others because I thought they would return and repair me as I had done them. I thought that pulling myself up by the bootstraps after  someone didn\u2019t appreciate all I had to offer and shower upon them meant I loved myself  but, guess who missed the mark a couple times on that one? You got it, me. I know there are people who say that self-love and self-confidence are inside jobs and, to a degree, I agree with that but when you have someone you love, cherish and adore constantly making you feel as though you\u2019re not enough, the damage to both of those is an outside job which makes it harder to repair. Here\u2019s a little tidbit about me: when I love, I love hard and give every ounce of myself to make the situation work and my partner happy and this has proven to be somewhat of a flaw because it has been taken for granted and shat on more than once. I realize now<\/strong> that pouring myself into someone who either wasn\u2019t ready or didn\u2019t know how to appreciate and reciprocate all I had to offer didn\u2019t mean I wasn\u2019t worthy and understand how it felt when I was going thru it and breaking myself while trying to see and defend the good in them. #NeverGoingBack<\/strong> \u00ae <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being a very sensitive and insecure person, anything anyone has ever said to me about me has stuck to my spirit like glue and that, obviously, affected my self-confidence. When I was growing up, I was never given compliments on my appearance or character, instead I heard criticisms on things, some of which I could control and, others which were just how GOD created me. The one thing I forced myself to control was the sound of my laugh because my aunt told me she hated it. Yes, a grown ass woman told a child she hated her laugh without regards to what impact that would have on a child of 7 years old. Well, the impact is that 40 years later, I still stifle my laugh and cover my mouth out of fear the sound will offend someone else. I had another aunt tell me that I was a funny looking child because I \u201chad such a big fat face, funny colored eyes and a wide smile<\/em>\u201d but I should take it as a compliment because I \u201cfinally grew into my features<\/em>\u201d.  Yeah, those remarks, as well as many hurtful others, caused me to crawl inside of my shell of insecurity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When you are never shown appreciation nor taught to love the oddities about yourself, you tend to feel as though you\u2019re never enough and have to work that much harder just for someone to, not only accept but, love you. If you\u2019re not good enough for those you share a bloodline with and are supposed to embrace all of you, how will you ever be good enough for someone you just met?  Look at the source of those comments and criticisms, that\u2019s how. So many of us are being held down and back by comments from those who are nowhere near having any of their shit together but somehow we’re in fear of disappointing them or they won\u2019t like us and that is truly sad. What I experienced growing up is why I shower my daughters with compliments because I never want them to feel less than, I want them to embrace every part of their appearance and character with pride and strength. My youngest daughter showed me how this method may be backfiring because, while I was fixing my hair, she appeared behind me and said, to herself, \u201cI\u2019m so pretty\u201d. Really? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Get out of my mirror with that nonsense! While I admired her confidence, I made sure to tell her that she shouldn\u2019t do that around other people; there is nothing wrong with feeling that way about yourself but it could reap negative connotations when done around others who aren’t as secure within themselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since begrudgingly stepping foot on this journey of self-love, I\u2019ve come to realize it has nothing to do with self-confidence, they are total separate from one another. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I am a confident woman who is aware I look better than some females half my age but it\u2019s taken a lot for me to get here but I have arrived and embrace myself fully, no longer am I walking into a party and worrying if someone is talking shit about me because I know what that they eat doesn\u2019t make me shit. My self-confidence reassures me that my presence is enough; I don\u2019t have to have all of my assets on display to show I am a very attractive woman. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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About a month or so ago, the singer\/rapper\/flutist Lizzo\u00ae received a massive amount of flack, as well as kudos, for showing her high level of self-confidence by twerking in a thong at a Lakers\u00ae game which got her entire ass plastered on the Jumbo Tron\u00ae for everyone to see. You had people saying she was right because she is a confident woman of color and size while others disputed there is a time and place for everything. I agree with there being a time and place for the baring of your ass cheeks because there were children and seniors there, someone may have had a coronary from seeing all that ass bouncing to the beat. During all of the controversy on social media, I tried my hardest not to get involved until someone stated that she was no different than the cheerleaders. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Ummm, those cheerleaders train for hours, actually have to try out to be able to perform in front of a crowd, utilize spray glue to ensure their bottoms don\u2019t ride up their ass, and<\/strong> get paid to perform in those uniforms; none of which Lizzo\u00ae did. Yes, she is a confident woman whose confidence I admire because I would never have the gall to lift my skirt to reveal my ass in a thong and proceed to twerk in front of hundreds of thousands of people, hell, I couldn\u2019t even do that in a room of 5 people! I am confident in my level and skill of twerking but very few have had the privilege of seeing my ass jump and rotate in a circle to the rhythm of a strong beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Along this journey of discovering and reclaiming the love of self I was never taught to truly embrace, I may have come off a bit arrogant to some by saying #IAmFire <\/strong>but I\u2019m secure enough within myself to know that what others may think of me no longer matters nor affects how I feel about myself. Just in case you were wondering, yes, I was able to complete my list but it wasn\u2019t without struggle. I actually chatted with my sister who rambled off a list of more than 10 things I should love about myself but she didn\u2019t understand that what she saw wasn\u2019t reflected in my vision. I have dealt with and survived sexual abuse from those I trusted, abuse in other forms from those I loved and thought would protect me, and the constant self-degradation thinking I wasn\u2019t enough because some shiftless ass dude wasn\u2019t secure enough within himself to appreciate and honor all I had to offer.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am stating this right here, right now, just as #IAmFire<\/strong>, so are you! Just because you don\u2019t take an excessive amount of time to put on tons of makeup to make yourself appear casket fresh or, in some cases, look like a totally different person or wear clothes so tight others can see your pulse doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re not fire too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Too many of us don\u2019t realize that who and how we are in our natural state is more than enough and too few of us embrace it. It\u2019s amazing to me that I had someone telling me, my entire life, that I was perfect the way I was but the negativity of others outweighed his words. The person who constantly reassured me that my extra weight was appreciated because \u201cMen like meat, only dogs like bones<\/em>\u201d was none other than my daddy, Frank Strother.  I\u2019m stating this right here and now, embrace every flaw and oddity which makes you who and how you are, never let the words of another dictate how you feel about yourself. I am asking each and every one of you to join me on this journey of self-love and love who you are at your core. Please remember who you were created, bred and born to be and that is not determined by the opinions of others, brush off their negativity with ease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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                                                                                                                                                             <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Welp, we\u2019ve celebrated, not just another year but, the beginning of a whole new decade, woo frickin hoo. Everywhere you look, you see the same ol\u2019 \u201cNew Year, New Me\u201d bullshit. Yes, I call it bullshit because, if you\u2019re so hell bent on being a better, newer you, why do you have to wait until … Continue reading “Top of My To Do List: ME”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-763","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-cj","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/763","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=763"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/763\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":771,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/763\/revisions\/771"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=763"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=763"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=763"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}