{"id":837,"date":"2020-05-05T18:24:27","date_gmt":"2020-05-05T22:24:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/?p=837"},"modified":"2020-05-05T18:24:33","modified_gmt":"2020-05-05T22:24:33","slug":"be-sure-youre-ready","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/05\/be-sure-youre-ready\/","title":{"rendered":"Be sure you’re ready"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Late last year, my youngest daughter was preparing to attend her high school\u2019s homecoming dance and wanted to wear a pair of my heels because, being a 16 year old high school junior, she thought she was grown and walking in high heels just came natural at a certain age. Now, I know the height of all of my shoes and if they\u2019re not flat, they\u2019re a minimum of 3.5 inches tall and it takes a certain level of skill to walk in them. I told her she wasn\u2019t ready for my shoes and we should shop for some more age and skill appropriate for her but she had her heart and eyes set on a pair of open toe silver block heeled shoes which were actually 4.5 inches tall. I tried to persuade her to choose another pair, but the thickness of the heel made her think she could walk in them and boy was she wrong! She put my shoes on, fastened the strap and instantly lost her balance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Whoops<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

No, I didn\u2019t help her but was sure to give her the \u201cTold ya so<\/em>\u201d look but she was dead set on wearing that particular pair of my shoes even though she walked like a newborn calf. I suggested she walk around the house in them for a couple of days to prepare for all the walking, standing, and dancing she would be doing but she swore she had it. The night of the dance came and she looked absolutely beautiful but had the grace of a baby giraffe on four unused, spindly legs trying to stand up for the first time in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Baby<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Wisely, she chose a pair which were slightly easier to walk in and packed some flats in her little purse because she knew she wouldn\u2019t last all night in my heels. This memory came to mind as I thought about all the times we\u2019ve attempted to start something we weren\u2019t truly ready to follow thru on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known to some and unbeknownst to others, I am a huge procrastinator, I will have all of these wonderful ideas, write out a detailed plan on how to accomplish them, start them and then get bored. I openly admit I have had a problem with follow-thru in my life and that was until I moved and saw all of the projects I had started with such gusto and moved on to the next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Operation<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Ever since I saw my graveyard of unfinished projects, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn\u2019t start something I wasn\u2019t going to see all the way thru to completion and the first time I finished something, I felt so accomplished and proud. On the flip side of that, there were many times I stuck with something which actually didn\u2019t have any chance of coming to fruition but I was determined to make it happen and finish it but never happened. When I am focused on something or someone, I do everything in my power to make it work, I have faith, patience, and determination when I feel a sense of push-back which creates that challenge and makes me work harder. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"working<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

If you ever want me to do something, all you have to do is tell me it\u2019s not going to work out and I will, unfortunately, dedicate too much time and energy trying to prove you wrong. I\u2019ve learned that I don\u2019t like or accept being told what to do but I hate being told what I can\u2019t do even more. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I look at the autopsy report of my marriage, I always wonder if we got married before we were ready. Did we get married because we had been dating for 2.5 years and felt the pressure from those around us? I will admit that I didn\u2019t know exactly what it meant to be someone\u2019s wife because I was just 25 years old and only moved out of my parents\u2019 home once I got engaged, I hadn\u2019t lived life as a single woman but thought it was what I was supposed to do. I knew I wanted to be someone\u2019s wife but really didn\u2019t understand what it entailed but I wasn\u2019t the only one in the marriage who wasn\u2019t ready. Unfortunately, my marriage is something I began at the age of 25 and completed at the ripe old age of 38. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Divorced<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Having been married and divorced helped me understand what I wanted, deserved, and would\/wouldn\u2019t put up with moving forward and in no way soured me on the prospect of doing it again but the next time the completion will be death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever been approached and pursued by someone in an attempt to date you and once you start falling for them, they begin to distance themselves from you? This is something I will never truly understand, if you\u2019re not ready, why would you disturb someone\u2019s peace only to put them thru hell? By this age, we all have an idea of how much time, effort and energy it takes to be in a relationship and the reason most fail is because someone slacked off in one area or another. Any kind of relationship you voluntarily enter into requires constant effort on both parts because when one of you stops putting forth the effort, the other one feels as though they are now the only one trying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"17<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The more unfortunate reality of feeling as though you\u2019re the only one putting forth effort is you also feel unwanted by the person you came to care for as your lover, confidant, and best friend. You begin to question where things went wrong, replaying every interaction you had with this person and wondering if you said something which struck a nerve but they never said anything about it, just started living their life without you. You start doing the breath and body odor check to make sure you didn\u2019t offend their nose to the point they no longer want to be in your presence. I mean, it has to be something, right? Unfortunately, no, it doesn\u2019t, they just weren\u2019t ready for all you had to offer. They believed they were ready to build and grow with you until you started matching their effort and they weren\u2019t used to it, they were used to someone who was dependent upon them for everything and never having someone do for them what a grown ass woman\/man does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just as my daughter who had her heart set on a certain pair of shoes and believed she was ready to naturally walk like a super model on the catwalk, we see the potential in someone and believe it\u2019s going to be the best relationship ever. Why wouldn\u2019t we believe this was who we\u2019ve been waiting for all this time? They repeatedly reassure you they are ready to settle down, looking for that meaningful relationship and tired of playing the field; they convince you they are sincere and you begin to trust their words because their actions match up equally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\u00b9<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Slowly, your guard begins to lower and things are going great because you\u2019ve taken the risk of putting the shoes on and standing up but when you take the first step, you wobble and your legs betray you but in this instance, it\u2019s your partner who\u2019s betrayed your heart. You are determined to master this relationship and make it work but have to come to grips with the reality you\u2019re not the person for them because they\u2019re not ready to receive and appreciate your love and are more comfortable abusing your feelings than being real and honest enough to tell you they\u2019re not ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Crying<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

We are too old to still be playing games with people who genuinely care about us. If you\u2019re not ready to receive what someone has to offer, the good\/bad\/beautiful\/booga wolf ugly, don\u2019t disturb their peace, let them live their life without the heartache you will surely bestow upon them. I wish I could say everyone is looking for that happily ever after with someone else but there are those who are so damaged from their past they don\u2019t know what it looks like when it\u2019s staring them in the face. While no relationship is drama or trouble free, the shit takes work no matter what age you are but if it\u2019s something and someone you truly want, you\u2019ll work thru any issues which pop up. If you\u2019re not ready to put in the work and show consistent effort, don’t let your boredom have you approaching people who are ready. You should stay single and play with the girls\/boys you\u2019re used to dealing with because we grown ass folks don\u2019t have time for that type of bullshit. Smooches \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Smooch<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Late last year, my youngest daughter was preparing to attend her high school\u2019s homecoming dance and wanted to wear a pair of my heels because, being a 16 year old high school junior, she thought she was grown and walking in high heels just came natural at a certain age. Now, I know the height … Continue reading “Be sure you’re ready”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":838,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7va7x-dv","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/grownwomanflow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Bob-Marley-quote.jpg?fit=243%2C208&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=837"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":840,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837\/revisions\/840"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/838"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/grownwomanflow.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}