Real True Love

Follow

You lay in your bed, crying alone, trying to disappear, missing that one person who touched every facet of your entire being, from your mind to your soul to your passion. Some of those tears come from you beating yourself up for falling in love with someone who didn’t appropriately reciprocate your feelings. Understand this up front: love is never stupid and neither are you for loving someone. We’ve all been there, hurting and crying because our hearts physically ache for the love we believe we lost. In all reality, you didn’t lose anything, you’ve actually gained a lot. Yes, I know when you’re going thru the pain, it feels like you’ve lost your world but believe me when I say, you’re going to be able to look back and see what you learned and gained from that experience.

When we lose someone close to us thru some sort of a break up, we only exam what we believe we did wrong to drive that person away, we are our own worst critic. Thru heartbreak, I’ve come to learn to see that the person who I would have died for just wasn’t ready to accept my love and devotion at that level. I love hard and I’m okay with that because I know there is someone out there for me who will actually love me harder. So many people I speak with struggle thru the loss of a relationship in their lives and I refuse to allow them to beat themselves up over someone who either didn’t see how golden she was or just wasn’t ready to give her everything she desired and deserved. We all desire and deserve utter happiness with a mate, each and every one of us, you are no different. Straighten your crown and walk in your glory, Kings and Queens.

In speaking with a girlfriend of mine, I realized I went thru my similar heartbreak when I did so I would be able to help her today. I struggled, cried, and hated thru my heartbreak but I did it alone because I felt had I told anyone, they’d think I was stupid. I mean, how could they not? Here I was crying over a man who didn’t want to be with me, never realizing the gem I am was actually too precious for him. I grew thru that pain and what I found on the other side amazed even me. I found my worth on the other side of that heartbreak. Please don’t think it was easy because I’d be lying if I said I woke up and said, “Hmph, screw him, he’s not worthy of all my fabulousness” because I didn’t and if it ever happens again, tears will still be shed and pain will still be felt, it’ll just be different for me next go ’round.

Thru my heartbreak, I’ve learned not to dive head first into situations. No longer am I planning a future with someone after 2 great dates or spending every waking hour thinking about them and wondering if they’re thinking about me. I am and will always be a hopeless romantic and take chances on love but I’ve learned to be smarter about it. Thru my heartbreak, I’ve learned what I will and won’t settle for, I know what I want and deserve and, dammit, I’m gonna get it! I’m not willing to settle for less than I deserve and desire just to say I have someone, I want and will have my Happily Ever After but I’m also not out here kissing a lot of frogs, dogs and users to find it. We stay in our heartbreak longer than necessary because we don’t want to be lonely. We want that eternal date to movies, weddings, family gatherings, the nighttime strolls thru the park and there’s nothing wrong with that. The only time there is an issue is when you settle in being with someone just to say you have someone or so you don’t show up solo or feeling less than because you ask your girlfriends to do things. Having someone on your arm at events doesn’t mean anything if they aren’t touching your soul and making you feel special. When you have someone who touches your soul, it will feel like no one else compares but the one who’s truly meant for you will have the balls to deal with you and all of your imperfections and love you that much more.

Here’s where I feel many future relationships are sabotaged following a break up: we don’t let anyone close because we hold on to the hope that our Boo will come back, we don’t want to get too close and not have a way out. Some will deal with those who are unavailable because we know there’s no real chance of it moving forward or us getting too attached because the last time we got attached to someone, they broke our heart. Some never take the time they need to heal from a heartbreak before they are jumping into another serious situationship with someone else. Then you have those who will mega date so they can cause pain to others since they’re hurting ~ hurt people hurt people.Their ‘dating’ existence is nothing more than a series of hook-ups, booty calls and one night stands. A very good friend of mine once told me: Two half people don’t make for a whole relationship, it only makes for a fucked up situation. It took me a moment to fully grasp what she was saying but I got it. When you don’t deal with your broken heart and give it time to heal, how are you going to offer it to someone else? The only person who can heal you is you. When you put that burden on someone else who, themselves, aren’t whole, no healing actually happens within either of you. When you take on the responsibility of helping someone else heal their broken heart, your needs never get met because it is a never ending cycle.

Does being single sometimes feel lonely? Yeah, it does SOMEtimes. Going to bed alone, no one to hold you in your times of need, no steady person to take you on dates and all that, yes it sucks sometimes. You want to know what sucks more? Being with someone and feeling lonely and lonely in a relationship which has no true feeling, meaning or value is an even lonelier feeling. There are benefits to being single as well: being able to come home and not have to hear someone else’s mouth due to their insecurities; if you want to use your weekend to veg out and watch Hallmark or Lifetime in the bed, you can; have a fat girl weekend where you eat nothing but ice cream and junk food; being able to pass gas whenever the need arises; using the extra space on your bed for your snacks; you get the point! You need to find the person who lets you do the second set of things without bitching, moaning, groaning or complaining. Don’t seek someone who just fulfills an empty space in your room/house, be with someone who fills and nurtures the empty space in your heart and soul.

I am alone but I’m not lonely because I have and learned to love myself; I’m blessed to have people who love and care about me. I fully understand I’m to utilize this time so I will be ready when my Boo is ready to sweep me off my feet and give me the love I’ve only dreamed of. Feeling lonely is a façade, it’s not real, you are merely missing someone and the superficial things you believe will make you whole and happy.
Your alone time is the universe’s way of saying “Look inside, dear one, and embrace yourself, there and only there will you find the ultimate happiness and love you desire”. When you understand and accept all you are, you will experience the greatest love there is and settle for nothing less with anyone else.Love yourself and only accept those who add to your love and joy to your life, mind, body, spirit and soul. Too many times we get caught up in some good dang-a-lang and think it’s love when it’s not. When you take your time to heal and wait for the person who touches your soul, the climaxes you receive and achieve will put the other experiences to shame. When you connect with someone who is for you, nothing will feel forced, it will all flow naturally. Give your heart and self time to healand embrace who you are today because you’re not the same person you were when you entered and endured that last relationship and you need to get to know the gem you are right now.