Month: November 2019

A few of years, as well as a couple of decades ago, I decided to take a male hiatus but each time was for very different reasons. Let me be clear up front, a male hiatus does not mean that I decided to date and deal with women, it simply means I voluntarily chose to be by myself and not entertain any members of the opposite sex. The hiatus which took place decades ago, was due to knowing, understanding, and feeling as though I was losing myself and sense of morals and ethics, I wasn’t behaving as the woman I was raised to be so, I took 2 years off from sex and dating. The more recent hiatus came due to the bullshit and nonsense which was approaching me disguised as ‘a good guy’ or someone with potential.

Recently, I’ve kept myself busy being a mom, going to work, and working on myself because I haven’t had the energy or tolerance to date or deal with anyone because I see and feel their lack of authenticity when they approach me. I hear the horror stories of dating and relationship tragedies and just don’t want to deal with any of it because, I promise, if I am involved in some foolishness or someone trying to play me? I will catch an entire case this time around.

I recently was made aware of someone’s opinion of me. Before I share their opinion, let me share the content and character of the person who felt as though they had license to even speak on me and my character. This male is a narcissist; has multiple children by multiple women yet has never raised any of his children; treats the mothers of his children like shit; feels as though the world and women owe him just for merely existing; can’t afford to pay his own bills on a consistent and monthly basis; although he is almost 50 years old, he still walks around with a thug mentality and would fight teenagers because they stole his Polo® jacket; is very disrespectful to women; has a good job but, due to his ignorant attitude, will surely soon lose it; flosses with other people’s money but portrays it as his own because that’s what he thinks matters; uses women’s weaknesses against them; tells women he doesn’t want a relationship so he can do whatever he chooses but they can’t;

is such a mitch that he allows women to pay his way on dates and trips out of town; can’t keep food in his fridge and relies on the women he is suckering to provide his nourishment; doesn’t know how to perform oral sex but demands it be performed on him; plays the telephone game with the multiple females he’s involved with and has full faith they won’t discuss it with each other even though they know each other; has multiple domestic violence charges against him on his record; and wears nothing but grey sweatpants, hoodies and wife beaters. Now, anyone who knows me is fully aware this is not someone I would even look at twice and get irritated at the audacity of him approaching me with any conversation but he made sure to share he’d never date me.

Aaaaaw, I’m so crushed that an ignorant, dirty dang-a-lang thug wouldn’t date me, how will I ever go on with my life? Ummm, very easily and unbothered, that’s how.

Now, onto what he felt about me that makes me, according to him, undateable and destined to be alone for the rest of my life: I am a shallow, prudish bitch whose standards are too high, making it so no man would ever want to be with me and cause me to live the life of a spinster. Had I learned of his opinion of me about 15 years ago, I’d have been crushed and internalized every single word, thinking and believing those things were true. However, being the grown ass woman with standards that I am today, I couldn’t care less and refuse to relax my standards just to have a piece of shit dude in my life.  

As different as my parents were individually, they raised me with a purpose and I refuse to let them down by settling for anyone less than worthy of all I am and have to offer. Are my standards high? You’re damn right they are and they’ll stay exactly where they are until someone who is willing to meet or exceed them comes into my life. I believe in being courted and dating with a purpose as well as being treated like the Queen I am because I would do no less for the King worthy of being in my life.

I have had people tell me that I should be this way or that way and accept certain things so I won’t be alone or to have companionship but I want to be happy in my relationship, I want to look at my Boo and just be filled with joy because he embodies so many qualities I desire and deserve and I don’t have to settle for less to be with him. I have settled before in my life and I will not deal with the headache of that ever again.

I am also aware I sound very close minded but, believe me, I am not, I’m actually very open minded and understanding but there is just some shit that will never sit right with my spirit. One of the main things that doesn’t sit well with me is lying and, more importantly, lying for absolutely no reason at all. My children have learned that if I come to you with a detailed question, I already know the answer and, if you opt to lie, you’re only making it harder on yourself and are now unworthy in my eyes.  I learned a long time ago that telling someone a lie is basically calling them stupid because you don’t give them enough credit to be smart enough to see thru the bullshit. I refuse to put on waist high boots to maneuver thru the massive amount of lies any guy tries to pull on me.

I am too much of a wonderful mix of intelligence and observation to be fooled by such simple acts of these weak ass lies a dude will try to get me to believe, they must not know who my parents are. At the age I am and date within, there is no reason to lie to me, save that for the young girls you want to get over on. When you lie to anyone, you are taking away their decision in the whole process, you never know what someone may or may not be down with because you opted to be a lying sack of shit rather than a grown ass man and owning what you do and desire.

Recently, I had a guy attempt to use my standards against me in the manner of believing if he checked off the items on my ‘list’ of what it takes to get the pannies, I’d become his sexual conquest. I’ll state it again for those in the back who didn’t hear me the first time: I was raised with a purpose, and part of that was to not be fooled by your shallow, immature lies and ignorance, Paula and Frank took the upbringing of me seriously. Anyone who knew my daddy knows he was quite the lady’s man but what few are aware of is that he armed his daughters with the knowledge of how not to be lured in and fooled by men such as him.

While my mother may not have directly schooled me, her actions and the way she lived her life with the men in it showed me what I did and didn’t want to deal with. Oh, and let’s not forget my sister who actually sat me down and told me she wanted more for me than she’d settled for in her early life, she wanted me to be better than her. Oh shit, wait, I cannot forget about my whorish male cousins whom I watched use a multitude of females in their lives. So, you see, I come armed with a lot of knowledge and was prepared to deal with the so-called ‘game’ guys believe they are the exclusive owners of. Unfortunately, I am learning more and more every day that I am an anomaly, there are so many females who were never educated on the games guys play just to hit it and quit it. I have watched so many of my friends get their feelings hurt and hearts broken because they believed a guy was different, authentic and genuine because he knew what it took to play and use her for his own selfish reasons. Know this right here and now, I am not her.

We are too old to be playing games with one another, if all you want to do is have sex? Let it be known, don’t think wining and dining me is going to get you laid because I can feed as well as please myself. If all you want is for me to be eye candy on your arm, say so and let me decide if it’s worth it or not. To me, all these games are exhausting and I’m not here for any of it. If you are interested in me, show it with your honesty, time, attention and consistent effort. If you’re not willing to do what it takes, move aside because you’re blocking the path of the right man being able to come into my life.

I was raised to know and understand that anyone who is worthy of me will put in the effort to do so without bitching about being the only one sending a simple 2 second Good Morning text. The one worthy of being with me, or any grown ass woman, will pick up the phone and properly ask her on a date or simply just to hear her voice, he will plan dates, he won’t lie about having a slew of bodies in a small area and a regular female he has sex with, he will share with me the two things which are priceless and irreplaceable: his time and the truth. Anyone worthy of you will not keep you a secret from anyone, you won’t have to go out of town to spend time in public with them, you won’t have to creep over to his house or have him come to yours in the wee hours of the night as to not be seen by anyone he knows, he’ll gladly take you around family and friends. At our age, there is no reason to do the hoe stroll on a regular basis because you can’t be seen leaving his house before dawn.

It’s time we take our power back, ladies, and let these shiftless dudes know we demand more than their lackluster and lazy effort to be with us. We deserve planned dates, being on their arms at company functions and events, meeting their mommas/aunties/cousins/siblings, and having someone who pays for the gas he’s pumping into our vehicles just to name a few. Just as I was raised with a purpose, so were you, don’t let your parents down by being with someone they would never approve of.

Guess what! My mother was NOT a THOT, hoe, skank, floozy, side chick, jezebel or anything of that nature. While that may come from the innocence of being her daughter and being in awe of the image of absolute perfection she displayed to me and my sister on a daily and consistent basis, I feel secure in my statement. Now, if my mother was out there doing her thing? That’s another story for another day and one that you and I will never be aware of because whatever may have been done happened before the age of social media, cell phone cameras and videos, and Facebook® Lives. I get a little giggle and touch of nostalgia when I think about all of the shit we did when we were younger but there is no permanent internet trail to prove it. I am a child of the 70s/80s and we were free to be and do whatever we wanted within the limits of what our ‘village’ saw and were able to report back to our parents. Back in those days, the only eyes we had to worry about being snitches and watchdogs were our neighbors looking out of their windows or seeing us while they were watering their gardens.

In this jankety society? There is no privacy, there is no way for you to play Hide and Go Freak with the neighborhood boys and it stayed in your neighborhood with no proof of anyone actually touching your newly sprouting boob under the t-shirt but over the bra. You can’t even just run to the store looking homeless because there will be someone there ready to snap a pic and post it to social media critiquing you with the subject “DAAAAYYUUUUM! She used to be so fine! I guess life is hard for her #RaggedyBitch #Homeless #DodgedABullet”. Queen, you know you are FINE but now you feel the need to prove it to millions of unknown losers around the world. There is no freedom to be young and dumb because everyone has an itchy trigger finger on that record button on their expensive ass phone to upload you at your lowest moment with the quickness to share with the entire world. I’ll say it again for those in that back, MY MOTHER WAS NOT A THOT, HOE OR SKANK, was yours?

This newfangled age of technology has made us so weak and disconnected from reality it actually sickens me. I am so old school that I actually cherish a face to face conversation and this is speaking volumes because I’m also an introvert who doesn’t like people. We have become so comfortable in being keyboard bullies on social media that we forget the people we are responding to are human beings with feelings. We see a post on social media we may not agree with and, instead of scrolling right past it, we feel it’s our GOD given right to tell them how stupid they are for feeling the way they do or believe. Today’s society also places so much emphasis on how many “Likes” we get that we sacrifice our dignity and self-respect. I am so absolutely sick and tired of seeing scantily clad females taunting others with their assets just to get the “thumbs up”

that I get annoyed and have to take a break from social media. I will not apologize for not being enticed, intrigued or in awe of a female with a surgically enhanced ass twerking in slow motion or a female wearing next to nothing with her legs wide open gesturing for men to come hither. Sorry, not sorry, but females are not the only internet THOTS out there selling their self-respect and dignity for some likes because I see just as many males pimping themselves out with a towel wrapped around their waist, grinding in slow motion or even jumping rope in slow motion with no draws on so you can see his dang-a-lang flopping up and down. All of this may appeal to some but it doesn’t impress me in the least because I would never want someone who has plastered the body I’m supposed to call mine with the entire world of social media. You are free to do you, Boo, but you will never do me because I don’t share.

As you are well aware of, I am a mother of 2 beautiful, yet highly impressionable, teenage daughters who is also single and would absolutely cringe and try to disappear if they saw me half naked or twerking online on one of their friend’s phones. When did mothers become so classless and lack couth? When did we stop caring what our children would think or go thru when their classmates are drooling over our asses or titties hanging out of our clothes posted to social media to get some likes?

Hell, I remember how my mother dressed every single day, whether it be for work, cleaning the house or going to a motorcycle function and at no time was she advertising what she had to offer. I can scroll thru social media right now and see a mother of 3 with so much cleavage displayed, I’m surprised I don’t see a nipple, with even less material covering her ass as though she isn’t friends with her child(ren) on social media. Do you really think when you post a sultry picture to get the attention of the other sex that your teenage children’s friends don’t see and are jerking off to you and then taunting your child? Seriously, you can keep all of that attention because I want more for my daughters than that.

Somehow, in this world of acquiring Likes®, we’ve deemed one another as competition. Let me ‘splain something to you real quick, I am in competition with no one. Do I own that I am an attractive woman? Yes, I do but I don’t say it out of conceit or arrogance but I also don’t rely on it as a crutch in defining who I am. My parents raised me to be a decent, proud, intelligent and responsible human being. I also am comfortable in the fact that there are women who are physically more attractive than me and I will graciously compliment her beauty because I am secure in who I am as a woman. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t possess this mindset, they feel if another female garners more male attention than she does that she’s a bitch, whore, or competition for attention.

This is truly hilariously sad because, nine times out of ten, she doesn’t even want the attention and is just being socially polite. You have so many females who will bar hop with all of their assets on display, get sloppy drunk, flirt with, and more times than not sleep with, all of the men in the establishment and think they are the absolute bees knees and that they have it on lock until a female who isn’t seeking anyone’s attention walks in the door. What these loose females fail to realize is they aren’t even in the same category with the woman who walked in with her head held high and not reeking of desperation. The woman who walked in isn’t thinking about Ms. Loose Booty or anyone who has bedded her, she knows she is worth and deserves more than a male buying her a drink to get the pannies.

There are females out here who believe because they are giving up the goods, they are someone’s girlfriend even though they’ve never been seen in public with this individual, had a real date, been to their home for anything less than some trashy ass sex in any room except his bedroom, or met his kids. These same females will get in their feelings when the regular booty calls cease because he has decided to move on and be serious with another female he wants to take around town, on dates, chill at his home, build and is proud to be seen with.

The reality is, this man knew you were easy and got what he wanted from you because he smelled the desperation when you spoke to him, what do you think drew him to you in that establishment? Do you think it was your personality? No? Oh, it must have been your intelligence he sought out from across the room of intoxicated party goers. No, baby, you reeked of desperation for some male companionship which smelled like a bitch in heat to a dog that walked thru the door.

In the words of my Daddy, One thing for certain and two things for sure, only an insecure female will be intimidated by another female’s presence. I give thanks and praises to how I was raised because how another person views me doesn’t consume me, what they eat don’t make me shit. I am proud to state I am 47 years young and I have the understanding that anyone I deal with my age has a past, just as do I, and I don’t hold that against them. At my age and maturity, I am not here to compete with any other female over a man and, the reality is, the choice isn’t even mine or that other female’s, it is his. He knows what he wants in his life at that time, just as I do, and if it’s just to bust a nut, he’s all yours but if he wants to build with someone, I’ll hear what he has to say and move accordingly.

Until women respect and appreciate one another for who and how they are, there will always be jealousy, insecurities, hating, and slander. Whatever happened to the Sister Girl code of unity?

Oh, that’s right, it went out the window when that easy on the eyes brother walked thru the door and you just had to prove you were the better choice by sleeping with him than the female you don’t have license to judge. We seriously need to do better and start supporting and cheering for instead of bashing and degrading one another over someone whose cup of tea we are not. As Jill Scott® sang, “Everythang ain’t for everybody”.  Your Boo will come along, I promise, but you have to stop doling your goods out like Halloween candy trying to find him because the one who’s for you won’t bed you on his couch the first night the two of you spend time alone. Keep it tight, ladies, you’re sitting on a platinum mine not a pot of some Dollar store off brand candy.