One thing we’ve all said at some point in our lives is, “I just want to be happy” and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. We all deserve to be happy, each and every one of us, no one is exempt from happiness. I mean, c’mon, that’s the goal, right? But, honestly, what does it mean to be happy? How many of us have ever truly experienced happiness? Sometimes we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “When was the last time I was genuinely happy”? and, unfortunately, many won’t be able to recall that moment because they’ve either never experienced or it’s just been that long. Many times, we will settle for being content and claim it as happiness.
Trust me, we all know people who are married,in long term relationships or, hell, even single and miserable but will claim they’re happy because they drive a fancy car or have a big house. Your bank account may be fat but your soul is empty and that’s not being happy.
I will openly admit there have been times in my life when my happiness was staring me dead in the face but I refused to give in to it out of fear. Yes, I know that initially that sounds crazy, I mean, how can fear exist when happiness is at the threshold? I was afraid if I let go and actually let myself be happy that whatever it was which made me so over the moon happy would be taken away. I’ll use the example of my first boyfriend, I will not mention his name, y’all know I don’t do that, I met him when I was 13 years old. We started off as friends, he was the kindest, most respectful and genuine person I’d met in my short life and I fell deeply in puppy love with him.
You couldn’t tell me that we weren’t going to be together forever but life had other plans for us. When I turned 15, my family moved away and my relationship couldn’t withstand the whole 13 mile distance. Give me a break, I was only 15, no job, license or car, I surely wasn’t WALKING! I gave in to my chance at being happy and it was taken away from me so, from that moment on, I was extremely guarded when I felt happiness was near. In future relationships, to protect myself, I’d always look for a reason not to be with someone who was perfect for me and pair that with the fact I’m petty as hell? Yeah, you already know my reasons were uber stupid. I’d come up with reasons such as: “when we were at the mall, you didn’t compliment me when I held up that pink shirt 12 stores ago. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t appreciate how the color pink brings out the neutral flecks of gold in my eyes”! and break up with him! Laugh all you want but many of you reading this have done the exact same thing, you may have to go back a lil further to find the memory but keep looking and you’ll find your Petty Betty or Petty Murphy moment.
The reality is this, since most haven’t experienced genuine happiness, they don’t know what it is that will truly make them happy. When you’re broke, you think money will solve all of your problems and allow you to be happy but once you get the money you’re still miserable.
Guess money wasn’t the road to your happiness. When you’re single, you think that once you’re in a relationship you’ll be happy. But alas, you get in a long term relationship just for the sake of being in one and constantly cut your eyes at him for leaving his dirty draws on the floor and dream of the day when you’re single and can sprawl out on your queen sized bed once again.
You’re miserable because you settled for being in a relationship with anyone instead of someone. Trust me, there’s a huge difference between being anyone and someone to the person you care about. You watch all of these reality shows and see the shoes, fashion and purses these females carry and tell yourself, “If I had those shoes, I’d walk around happy as a pig in shit”! You scrimp and save and finally are able to drop $1,200 on those expensive heels but, while they may lift your ass, they don’t lift your spirit the way you thought they would.
When you’re working at a miserable job, you tell yourself once you get that new career you’ll be happy. Well, you get that new position and, guess what? You’re still not happy. Shocking, I know, right? Happiness isn’t in a bank account, another person, a pair of shoes…………..
wait, sorry, got distracted at the thought of some hot shoes…………Okay, I’m back! Your happiness isn’t in a job either, it’s in YOU!
I’ve been broke, broken, and in a less than soul satisfying job and that’s why I can speak on those things not being what brings me happiness. Does having a few more dollars in the bank relieve the stress of feeding and providing for your family? Of course it does but it doesn’t bring you happiness. Thru the financial struggles, many heartbreaks and doldrum jobs, I’ve come to learn I am responsible for my own happiness. I’ve taken the time to think about what will actually make me happy and come to realize I am quite a simple person. I can be just as happy or miserable living in an apartment as I can be in a big house or wearing $40 shoes as opposed to wearing $1,000 shoes. What makes my soul glow the brightest is when those I love and care about are happy. To hear my daughters laughing will instantly bring a smile to my face or seeing how my sister glows at the aspect of planning her wedding, well, it’s become a stressed face lately but she still glows with love. I know we’re not supposed to rely on another person for our happiness but I base mine on the level of those I hold dear. I happen to be one of those sappy people who will smile like the Cheshire Cat when I’m in the presence of the one who has my heart.
Experiencing that type of happiness enables me to be able to see past their flaws and love them for who they are. When you’re always looking for an out, the good in them doesn’t outweigh the microscopic flaws, you’ll actually seek out those flaws just to avoid the mere possibility of true happiness because it’s new and scary.
The tears you cry while sitting in a Tesla® roll down your cheeks the same as those shed while sitting in a Yugo® .
If you can’t appreciate the small things in life, what makes you think you’ll have any appreciation for the bigger things? That’s why we struggle in certain areas of our lives, to enable us to be more appreciative when the big things happen. Example: you live in a studio apartment and resent it because it’s not a single family home, never appreciating the charm of your apartment. Apartment living life can be great! Think about the fact all you have to do is pick up the phone when something breaks and your landlord will fix it, or the fact you got it on your own, whether renting or buying, many can’t say they got it on their own. You’re so preoccupied with what it’s not you never appreciate the neighborhood charm that gives you the ability to experience all the mom and pop shops in your area filled with diversity paired with the fact you are able to rest your head on your pillow at night knowing there’s a roof over it and you’ve gone to bed with a full belly.
My fear was that if I gave into that happiness, something tragic would happen and it would all go away, crushing my spirit in the process. Too many times, we won’t give in to being happy out of fear it being snatched away or seeming weak. Many of us ‘claim’ we want to be happy, but how many of us actually let it happen? You’ve gone too long without it to not give it a chance. So, when that person whose presence brings a smile to your heart, soul, and face comes around, don’t push them away, embrace all they embody. If you’re living in an apartment, embrace the quirkiness that makes it yours and appreciate the roof over your head. You may not have your dream job but dammit, you’re employed, do you know how many people can’t say the same?
It’s time for us all to be happy so, stop sweating the small stuff and imperfections because we all have them but that’s what makes us unique.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen to men, it happens to the best of women too. As of late, I’ve come to like a certain song because it speaks to my life, as I’m sure it speaks to many of yours. Okay, like might be too soft of a word if you ask my daughters because I listen to it on repeat, have learned all the words and it’s how I get my day, afternoon and evening started, the song in question is “Be Careful” by Cardi B. For those of you who may not be aware, it’s a ‘slow’ rap song which she speaks on being everything to and for a man who doesn’t appreciate her, showing his lack of appreciation by lying, cheating and not being consistent and continues that he needs to be careful with her and her heart. Yes, I know all the words and, even though there’s a lot of cussing, it’s most of our reality.
Unfortunately, you can’t, sometimes refuse, to see it because you love them and believe you can love them past all those deep, dark transgressions they refuse to deal with to become the person you need. These are the times in which I can say love actually sucks because it’s become one-sided, you’re giving them everything and they’re merely taking it and only giving the enough in return to make sure you don’t leave. You find yourself going out of your way to make sure their birthday, mother’s/father’s day, Christmas, and any other holiday is perfect and they don’t even get you a card but you find yourself making excuses for what should be unacceptable behavior.
Sometimes, you keep them around because you don’t want to be alone and they’re a good listener and lay. Either way, it’s not fair to them because they have their heart involved and believe you’re being with and intimate with them because you want to feel connected and close to them when you’re actually just horny. You never take the time out to be selfless and understand they are sharing their body with you because that’s when they feel closest to you and believe you feel the same way. To say: 
due to being underappreciated by the one person they were vulnerable and shared their heart, spirit and soul with. No matter how many times I’ve been hurt by someone, I just can’t let it change who I am because what point does it serve? If you’re accused of being promiscuous, don’t be that person once you break up because then, no matter how faithful you were during your relationship, they’ll only see the person you’ve become and feel they’ve dodged a bullet and were right about you all along. You should never let someone else’s insecurities and opinions change who you are as a person no matter how much you love and value them, there’s a difference between constructive criticism and breaking you by putting you down to make themselves feel better.
Stop shopping for bad boys and THOTs and give the person with a kind spirit, giving heart, who changes their schedule just to get a glimpse of you and want more than anything to be with you. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you actually gave the nice guy/gal the chance you both deserve? Even if it doesn’t work out, but how could it not, at least you’ll have experienced the pure, genuine, unconditional love you’ve sought for so long as well as give it to someone who’s deserving because they’ve been seeking the same. Don’t be the reason someone becomes dark and bitter towards their future due to suffering heartbreak from you.