Don’t Turn Away Perfection

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You know, I’ve always heard guys complain that women don’t appreciate the ‘good guys’, they think they’re corny and use them for whatever they can. Let me correct myself, I haven’t only heard this, I’ve witnessed it. I’ve seen a guy be everything a woman complains she doesn’t have and when absolute perfection approaches her, she turns her nose up at the guy who encompasses every trait she could ever ask for, she nitpicks the smallest details and ends up not giving him a snowball’s chance in hell for a lame ass reason. Unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen to men, it happens to the best of women too. As of late, I’ve come to like a certain song because it speaks to my life, as I’m sure it speaks to many of yours. Okay, like might be too soft of a word if you ask my daughters because I listen to it on repeat, have learned all the words and it’s how I get my day, afternoon and evening started, the song in question is “Be Careful” by Cardi B. For those of you who may not be aware, it’s a ‘slow’ rap song which she speaks on being everything to and for a man who doesn’t appreciate her, showing his lack of appreciation by lying, cheating and not being consistent and continues that he needs to be careful with her and her heart. Yes, I know all the words and, even though there’s a lot of cussing, it’s most of our reality.

Have you ever found someone who captivated your heart, soul and spirit and you’d do any and everything to make sure they felt loved? It’s awesome, isn’t it?! Yes, you find this person with whom you’d lay down your life for, find yourself altering your schedule just to see them for 30 minutes, they make your heart smile with the smallest things such as remembering what kind of wine you like, and keep a permanent smile plastered on your normal RBF (Resting Bitch Face). You finally start to believe that this is The One, your knight in shining armor, your king, the one you will spend eternity with and do everything they ask but, alas, they start showing signs of being the average piece of shit you’ve dealt with before. Unfortunately, you can’t, sometimes refuse, to see it because you love them and believe you can love them past all those deep, dark transgressions they refuse to deal with to become the person you need. These are the times in which I can say love actually sucks because it’s become one-sided, you’re giving them everything and they’re merely taking it and only giving the enough in return to make sure you don’t leave. You find yourself going out of your way to make sure their birthday, mother’s/father’s day, Christmas, and any other holiday is perfect and they don’t even get you a card but you find yourself making excuses for what should be unacceptable behavior.

The reasons for not appreciating the perfect person varies from person to person but it doesn’t negate the fact another person got hurt by our lack of actions and appreciation. Sometimes you just aren’t ready for the perfect person at the time they come into your life but you don’t want to let them go because you feel you’ll get past your issues and be ready at some point so, you do the minimum to keep them around because, seriously, where are you going to find someone else like them, ever? Here’s a not-so-secret secret, you’re not! Sometimes, you keep them around because you don’t want to be alone and they’re a good listener and lay. Either way, it’s not fair to them because they have their heart involved and believe you’re being with and intimate with them because you want to feel connected and close to them when you’re actually just horny. You never take the time out to be selfless and understand they are sharing their body with you because that’s when they feel closest to you and believe you feel the same way. To say: 

is one of the biggest understatements ever because it’s actually cruel due to the damage it will cause them down the line, or hell, the moment you get off of them once you got yours.

Not too long ago, a friend of mine made a profound statement: You can’t save everyone. Unfortunately, as good people, we always try until we lose ourselves in saving them from themselves and their past. Ugh, it’s tragic and annoying because the nice one always gets hurt by the blind one who doesn’t appreciate our efforts. Everyone has a pain trigger, something that happened in their past which they never dealt with and when they see a semblance of that, they disappear. Here’s an example, if they were cheated on in the past and you don’t immediately reply to a text they sent you, they regress and get in their feelings because they believe you are bent over the sink getting banged out by some dude who smiled at you at the gas station.

They’re so stuck in their past experiences they don’t believe you when you tell them you merely went downstairs to get some ice cream and didn’t take your phone.The saddest part? They believe they are saving you from yourself! This may seem hilarious because you believe they are the ones who need saving from themselves and all their insecurities. No matter how many times you tell them that you’re not the person who hurt them, that’s all they see but still don’t want to lose you and you don’t want to lose them. Somehow? You end up apologizing to them! WHAT?! All of this because you just wanted to have a fat girl moment but you apologize because you want to keep the peace and don’t want to know what your life would be like without them. The truth is, most of us need saving from ourselves and our past. They are insecure due to being cheated on and you’re insecure because no one ever stayed and you have blamed yourself for it. Sometimes the saver does need to be saved by the person they believe they are saving.

Some of the best people have been turned into below average THOTs (Those Hoes Over There) due to being underappreciated by the one person they were vulnerable and shared their heart, spirit and soul with. No matter how many times I’ve been hurt by someone, I just can’t let it change who I am because what point does it serve? If you’re accused of being promiscuous, don’t be that person once you break up because then, no matter how faithful you were during your relationship, they’ll only see the person you’ve become and feel they’ve dodged a bullet and were right about you all along. You should never let someone else’s insecurities and opinions change who you are as a person no matter how much you love and value them, there’s a difference between constructive criticism and breaking you by putting you down to make themselves feel better.

The reality is we are all perfect for someone but unfortunately who we fall for doesn’t appreciate all we have to offer. I can’t and won’t tell anyone else when to stay and when to walk away, only you know when that time comes. We all need to take the time to appreciate those who have always been there for us, not treat them like bubblegum we stepped in on a hot summer day. I believe if we were to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes every once in a while, there’d be so much more appreciation and love in relationships. Relationships aren’t just about you and your past, they are about the other person who’s come into your life at the exact moment they were supposed to who sees all your flaws, insecurities, and transgressions and still wants to be with you. Stop shopping for bad boys and THOTs and give the person with a kind spirit, giving heart, who changes their schedule just to get a glimpse of you and want more than anything to be with you. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you actually gave the nice guy/gal the chance you both deserve? Even if it doesn’t work out, but how could it not, at least you’ll have experienced the pure, genuine, unconditional love you’ve sought for so long as well as give it to someone who’s deserving because they’ve been seeking the same. Don’t be the reason someone becomes dark and bitter towards their future due to suffering heartbreak from you.