“Baby, you just need to be a duck and just let the bullshit roll off your back like water. You take too much to heart and hold on to it with a white knuckled grip. Stop letting stuff that has nothing to do with you affect you” are the words my father always spoke to me which seem to be on a loop in my mind lately. 
As a parent myself, I now feel his pain in watching his baby girl take everything to heart and how it affected me. Unfortunately, for way too long, I was too stubborn and closed minded to fully understand what he was trying to teach me. I felt that if someone said something negative to or about me, I needed to address and clear it up because, duh, they were talking about me, right? I am sitting here shaking my head with a smile on my face because he was so wise and just trying to help his baby make it thru this life with peace instead of stress. I’m sure my determination to go against those words frustrated the absolute shit out of him but never did it stop him from calmly repeating it to me every time I let someone else’s words and ignorance affect me. I am a highly emotionally sensitive person and used to believe that everything required a reaction from me but have come to learn that’s not true nor is it necessary. Thru my maturing and growth, I’ve come to learn that how others act and what they may say about me speaks about their character, not mine. 
This has been difficult for me because I was raised to know and understand that your reputation is all you have and worried myself sick when someone would spread lies about me because I believed it tarnished the reputation I fought and struggled to keep clean. Well, I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’m in the negative on fucks to give about what anyone says about me because those who know me, know me and, more importantly, I know me. The time finally came to let that shit go.
How many times have you had a discussion with another person and, no matter what you say, they only hear what they want to hear and not actually what you’re saying? I recently had a conversation with someone I used to be close with and learned they were still butt hurt about a discussion we had well over a decade ago. I couldn’t believe I was defending something that I had let go of years ago and holds no merit in either of our lives anymore. It was at this moment, I saw a reflection of my former self and knew at that I had grown up. This person was stuck and this one conversation was continuing to affect their demeanor and they let it ruin otherwise positive aspects of their life. During the discussion, I began to feel sorry for them because they were carrying around this negativity but then I got pissed because they were trying to share that shit with me! 
Hmph, nah fam, I’m sorry but I don’t live there anymore and immediately returned it to sender. Being who I am, I tried to help them understand they needed to let it go, how it was no longer of importance and learned by their reaction that their letting it go wasn’t my responsibility. We are all responsible for the weight of negativity we carry, no one can lighten that burden and load but the one who carries it. There comes a point in your life when you have to make the conscious decision to avoid and let that shit go so you can live your best life.
Thru my spiritual growth, I’ve come to learn about energy and how everything we think, say and do is made up of it. Here’s a quick example I think everyone will be able to relate to: If you constantly state you’re broke, no matter what you try to do, you never seem to be able to catch a break or keep your head, financially, above water until you change your mindset.
I’ve come to learn that what you speak and think is delivered and granted to you because, in a sense, you’ve asked for it, you told the universe and GOD what you wanted and they conspire to give you what you state you want. Yes, it seems so very simple because it is, you determine the direction in which your life progresses or, in some cases, regresses. I speak on dealing with your traumas, trials and tribulations in order to heal them because if you don’t, you’re carrying that negative energy around which is actually a magnet for more negativity. Believe it or not, the same is true about positivity, it’s also a magnet. We’ve all seen and ‘liked’ memes about being positive but how many of us are actually living it? Well, you can tell who does by the way they live their lives. We see people go thru things in life we believe should crush them but they still find a way to smile and bring joy to others and wonder how they do it. I know how they do it! They’re ducks!
I was speaking with someone recently whose words made so many points mentally click at once, I got dizzy. When you hold on to negativity, no matter how much you think you’re hiding it, those who know you at your core can feel it and will begin to distance themselves from you because they don’t want to deal with it. You could have your happily ever after staring you in your face but once they feel the negativity, they back off because they don’t have the space for drama and messiness in their lives anymore.
Thru that conversation, I realized that, at one point, my life had begun to resemble a reality shit show and it was still off-putting to someone who means the world to me because I never truly let it go. I thought that just pushing it aside and distancing myself from the drama was enough but I still let the dumb shit get a reaction out of me and that’s not living drama free or letting it go. Finally deciding to actually let it go means anything said or done doesn’t affect my mood or person because it has nothing to do with me. It’s one thing to say you’re not about that life anymore but if you still give it energy, it’s still a part of you. Until you make the conscious effort to let go and rid yourself of the messiness, you’ll continue to push away those who just want to love you for the goodness within you but can’t because it’s shrouded by the shit you haven’t let go of. The love and life I want means more to me than holding on to and worrying myself with others’ actions and mindsets, therefore, just call me Elsa because I’ve let that shit go.
When negativity is brought to you, it’s easy to give into it because you take it personally and in that you feel alone which further causes destruction to your psyche. I recently experienced something which momentarily affected and shut me down until I saw and felt the support and love of those who care about me. Here I was, all ready to get sucked right back into negativity but the love and support shown to me actually saved me from myself and reminded me that I’m better than what was being thrown at me.
It’s amazing and awe inspiring to me how those who came ready to stand by my side and fight for me have no idea how they saved me when they were just doing what came naturally to them. It was at that point I knew I had become a duck covered in oil and nothing would stick to me. Thru all of the support of people on standby to wreck some shit for lil ol’ me, one person’s words made me remember who the hell I am: she just needs to remain the classy chic she is. That shit isn’t worth her time, anger, or hurt.
I don’t know about you but I am ready to live my best life and have taken the steps to do so. I am 46 years old and, GOD willing, I still have a couple/few decades to experience nothing but the best life has to offer. I understand there will be dark days ahead but I can’t focus on or worry about that because it only takes away from my gift of today. Who I was and everything I have been thru has wonderfully made me who I am today. I will cherish and nurture the woman I am today because the girl of yesterday sacrificed herself for me to be here. Even though he’s no longer physically here, I know my daddy is always watching over me and proud of the duck I have become knowing I’m going to ride this wave of life with nothing but style and grace as the drama, messiness and negativity roll off my back.
I’m sure we’ve all felt this way at some point in our adult lives but there, honestly, is no way to stop it. While adulting can seem daunting at times, there are some awesome points to it if you progress and grow in life enough to appreciate it. There are many folx who are merely biologically grown and messing up the meaning hand over fist and they’re embarrassing. Please understand that just because you are in your 40s/50s, it doesn’t mean you’re grown if you’re still doing childish, high school shit.
By the time you’re of a certain age, you should know how to handle your liquor and if you don’t, slow down and learn because you’re just embarrassing and becoming an annoyance to those who have to take care of and make excuses for you and your behavior. I am proud to say that my daddy taught me how to drink properly at an early, almost legal, age and over the course of my life, I’ve learned what I can and cannot drink due to the effects of certain spirited beverages on my personality and actions. When we were in our 20s, getting shit faced was expected and tolerated but at 40+ a lot of us need to do better and act our age. Think about this, as a child, did you ever see your parent(s) get blacked out drunk and act a fool? Now, don’t get me wrong, I know some of you may have had a horrible drunk parent who caused damage to you and your family, I’m not referring to you, I’m referring to the average person who had parents who went to work every day and took care of standard business. Did my father drink? That’s like asking is the sky blue or grass green. Of course he drank but I never saw him drink to the point he was throwing up in unspeakable places at the most inopportune moments. My daddy thoroughly enjoyed his Hennessy® and Remy® but knew his limits which taught me how to learn my limits as to not be an embarrassment to him or my mother in their absence.
a sugar daddy/momma? What are they, like, 80? Boo, do better and get yourself someone who loves you for you and the 2 of you build and grow together, leave those old, saggy, grey pubes alone because they are not fulfilling anything in your life. 
Onto the social media aspect of being grown; it used to be when you scrolled thru your page and saw a heated post spilling all the dirty details of another person, you knew right then and there this person was young and didn’t know any better. Well, dammit, now we have biologically grown people airing all of their dirty laundry for the entire world to see, read, and share. My poor, disillusioned loves, when you do that? No one is reading it and trying to help you with your situation, they are only reading a reality shit show instead of flipping thru channels to find one on tv. :format(gif)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/55279403/tenor.0.gif?resize=377%2C283&ssl=1)
The only reason you get likes is so they can continue to follow the messiness you are creating while they munch on their popcorn and tell other people to check it out. When you become an adult, the trials and tribulations of your private life are supposed to remain just that: PRIVATE and shared only verbally with those you can confide in and trust to keep it to themselves. Now, there will be those Loose Lip Lucys who can’t hold water and tell your business to others and you should learn from that point not to share with them either.
It’s amazing to me how many supposed grown people are trashing and tarnishing the reputation of other people for attention. It’s one thing to speak about someone but it’s another issue when you’re making up lies about them to make the story more interesting and turn others against this person. If you can’t hold a conversation with others about your own merits and drama, the best advice I have for you is to keep your mouth shut because it will surely come back to you in an unfavorable manner. When you speak ill and incorrectly about another person, you tend to fail to understand there are people who know that person’s character and will only view you as a jealous hater. Again, aren’t we too grown for this type of juvenile behavior?
Do you really think that after you do that and they have to go thru the necessary expense of repairing the damage they’re going to say, “Hey Babe, I saw the errors of my ways and want to work things out with you. How about we get married”? Hell nah! You’ll be lucky if they don’t press charges on you and, at your age? You’re going to do some time behind bars and become someone’s bitch. 
When you’ve matured, you take the break-up as a lesson learned and move on, there’s no need to try to get that person fired since it’s not against the law to not want to be with you. Yes, Sweetie, you are fabulous and anyone would be lucky to have you but this one didn’t appreciate you and you’re better off, leave them alone before you have a record you can’t get expunged for doing dumb shit, ‘kay?
Well, they get attention but it’s only because the guys view them as an easy lay and make a bee line in an attempt to get their lil dang-a-langs wet and, after a few drinks, it becomes an easy task. This leads to the next point, a 40+ THOT is not a good look. When you enter a room, you should garner looks of awe and amazement not dudes talking and comparing notes on how easy it was to have sex with and never call you again. By 40, you shouldn’t be jumping from bed to bed, sleeping with this stranger, this eff buddy or some random you swiped right on. When you are of a certain age, the person you are intimate with should be someone you’re building towards something with. Yes, I know, some of you will roll your eyes at this part but you already know you’re too old to be a constant one night stand, you have way too much to offer and your goods should be earned and appreciated outside of beer goggle eyes. I mean, we all know that sex gets better after 40 but how will you ever know how intense it can truly be if you’re only getting it once from all these different people? At 40+ you’re too old to be a THOT and just look desperate.
While it may feel like it, paying a mortgage and a car note don’t make a person grown but furnishing your home and spending time entertaining in it do. So, ladies, put on that fitted dress that accentuates your curves and those hot ass shoes and gentlemen, put on that suit and cologne that make women swoon as you enter the room and get your grown folk on!