A few of years, as well as a couple of decades ago, I decided to take a male hiatus but each time was for very different reasons. Let me be clear up front, a male hiatus does not mean that I decided to date and deal with women, it simply means I voluntarily chose to be by myself and not entertain any members of the opposite sex. The hiatus which took place decades ago, was due to knowing, understanding, and feeling as though I was losing myself and sense of morals and ethics, I wasn’t behaving as the woman I was raised to be so, I took 2 years off from sex and dating. The more recent hiatus came due to the bullshit and nonsense which was approaching me disguised as ‘a good guy’ or someone with potential.
Recently, I’ve kept myself busy being a mom, going to work, and working on myself because I haven’t had the energy or tolerance to date or deal with anyone because I see and feel their lack of authenticity when they approach me. I hear the horror stories of dating and relationship tragedies and just don’t want to deal with any of it because, I promise, if I am involved in some foolishness or someone trying to play me? I will catch an entire case this time around.
I recently was made aware of someone’s opinion of me. Before I share their opinion, let me share the content and character of the person who felt as though they had license to even speak on me and my character. This male is a narcissist; has multiple children by multiple women yet has never raised any of his children; treats the mothers of his children like shit; feels as though the world and women owe him just for merely existing; can’t afford to pay his own bills on a consistent and monthly basis; although he is almost 50 years old, he still walks around with a thug mentality and would fight teenagers because they stole his Polo® jacket; is very disrespectful to women; has a good job but, due to his ignorant attitude, will surely soon lose it; flosses with other people’s money but portrays it as his own because that’s what he thinks matters; uses women’s weaknesses against them; tells women he doesn’t want a relationship so he can do whatever he chooses but they can’t;
is such a mitch that he allows women to pay his way on dates and trips out of town; can’t keep food in his fridge and relies on the women he is suckering to provide his nourishment; doesn’t know how to perform oral sex but demands it be performed on him; plays the telephone game with the multiple females he’s involved with and has full faith they won’t discuss it with each other even though they know each other; has multiple domestic violence charges against him on his record; and wears nothing but grey sweatpants, hoodies and wife beaters. Now, anyone who knows me is fully aware this is not someone I would even look at twice and get irritated at the audacity of him approaching me with any conversation but he made sure to share he’d never date me.
Aaaaaw, I’m so crushed that an ignorant, dirty dang-a-lang thug wouldn’t date me, how will I ever go on with my life? Ummm, very easily and unbothered, that’s how.
Now, onto what he felt about me that makes me, according to him, undateable and destined to be alone for the rest of my life: I am a shallow, prudish bitch whose standards are too high, making it so no man would ever want to be with me and cause me to live the life of a spinster. Had I learned of his opinion of me about 15 years ago, I’d have been crushed and internalized every single word, thinking and believing those things were true. However, being the grown ass woman with standards that I am today, I couldn’t care less and refuse to relax my standards just to have a piece of shit dude in my life.
As different as my parents were individually, they raised me with a purpose and I refuse to let them down by settling for anyone less than worthy of all I am and have to offer. Are my standards high? You’re damn right they are and they’ll stay exactly where they are until someone who is willing to meet or exceed them comes into my life. I believe in being courted and dating with a purpose as well as being treated like the Queen I am because I would do no less for the King worthy of being in my life.
I have had people tell me that I should be this way or that way and accept certain things so I won’t be alone or to have companionship but I want to be happy in my relationship, I want to look at my Boo and just be filled with joy because he embodies so many qualities I desire and deserve and I don’t have to settle for less to be with him. I have settled before in my life and I will not deal with the headache of that ever again.
I am also aware I sound very close minded but, believe me, I am not, I’m actually very open minded and understanding but there is just some shit that will never sit right with my spirit. One of the main things that doesn’t sit well with me is lying and, more importantly, lying for absolutely no reason at all. My children have learned that if I come to you with a detailed question, I already know the answer and, if you opt to lie, you’re only making it harder on yourself and are now unworthy in my eyes. I learned a long time ago that telling someone a lie is basically calling them stupid because you don’t give them enough credit to be smart enough to see thru the bullshit. I refuse to put on waist high boots to maneuver thru the massive amount of lies any guy tries to pull on me.
I am too much of a wonderful mix of intelligence and observation to be fooled by such simple acts of these weak ass lies a dude will try to get me to believe, they must not know who my parents are. At the age I am and date within, there is no reason to lie to me, save that for the young girls you want to get over on. When you lie to anyone, you are taking away their decision in the whole process, you never know what someone may or may not be down with because you opted to be a lying sack of shit rather than a grown ass man and owning what you do and desire.
Recently, I had a guy attempt to use my standards against me in the manner of believing if he checked off the items on my ‘list’ of what it takes to get the pannies, I’d become his sexual conquest. I’ll state it again for those in the back who didn’t hear me the first time: I was raised with a purpose, and part of that was to not be fooled by your shallow, immature lies and ignorance, Paula and Frank took the upbringing of me seriously. Anyone who knew my daddy knows he was quite the lady’s man but what few are aware of is that he armed his daughters with the knowledge of how not to be lured in and fooled by men such as him.
While my mother may not have directly schooled me, her actions and the way she lived her life with the men in it showed me what I did and didn’t want to deal with. Oh, and let’s not forget my sister who actually sat me down and told me she wanted more for me than she’d settled for in her early life, she wanted me to be better than her. Oh shit, wait, I cannot forget about my whorish male cousins whom I watched use a multitude of females in their lives. So, you see, I come armed with a lot of knowledge and was prepared to deal with the so-called ‘game’ guys believe they are the exclusive owners of. Unfortunately, I am learning more and more every day that I am an anomaly, there are so many females who were never educated on the games guys play just to hit it and quit it. I have watched so many of my friends get their feelings hurt and hearts broken because they believed a guy was different, authentic and genuine because he knew what it took to play and use her for his own selfish reasons. Know this right here and now, I am not her.
We are too old to be playing games with one another, if all you want to do is have sex? Let it be known, don’t think wining and dining me is going to get you laid because I can feed as well as please myself. If all you want is for me to be eye candy on your arm, say so and let me decide if it’s worth it or not. To me, all these games are exhausting and I’m not here for any of it. If you are interested in me, show it with your honesty, time, attention and consistent effort. If you’re not willing to do what it takes, move aside because you’re blocking the path of the right man being able to come into my life.
I was raised to know and understand that anyone who is worthy of me will put in the effort to do so without bitching about being the only one sending a simple 2 second Good Morning text. The one worthy of being with me, or any grown ass woman, will pick up the phone and properly ask her on a date or simply just to hear her voice, he will plan dates, he won’t lie about having a slew of bodies in a small area and a regular female he has sex with, he will share with me the two things which are priceless and irreplaceable: his time and the truth. Anyone worthy of you will not keep you a secret from anyone, you won’t have to go out of town to spend time in public with them, you won’t have to creep over to his house or have him come to yours in the wee hours of the night as to not be seen by anyone he knows, he’ll gladly take you around family and friends. At our age, there is no reason to do the hoe stroll on a regular basis because you can’t be seen leaving his house before dawn.
It’s time we take our power back, ladies, and let these shiftless dudes know we demand more than their lackluster and lazy effort to be with us. We deserve planned dates, being on their arms at company functions and events, meeting their mommas/aunties/cousins/siblings, and having someone who pays for the gas he’s pumping into our vehicles just to name a few. Just as I was raised with a purpose, so were you, don’t let your parents down by being with someone they would never approve of.
