Just 30 minutes ago, you were heading to your Boo’s house to get laid and were excited about your time together, things felt great! During your extremely brief session, his quick and abrupt finish is an indication something is way off! The usual 45 minutes session of sweating, moaning, climaxing and back scratching lasted all of 3 minutes and there was no round 2! Hold up, this can’t be the same person who shared their inner most feelings with you, gave you free reign when you’re at their house, cuddle and snuggled with you once you finished having sex, this just can’t be the same person. 
You sit there wondering what has changed and then begin to internalize the whole scenario and then ask, “Are you serious? You’re done”?! You may have a lil more bass in your voice than even you anticipated and ready to throw some little blue pills his way but, come on, you’re highly disappointed and who wouldn’t be? You had high hopes of getting multiple orgasms, that’s why you called them and you wasted time, energy and gas to get that lame, weak ass dang-a-lang, he’s got some ‘splaining to do! His ego is probably already bruised from his lackluster performance and now he’s angry that you’re pointing it out. You went from being excited about getting laid to now arguing, being angry with one another and you’re standing outside waiting for your ride. How did you get here??
It’s amazing to me how someone you never knew could become the love of your life for a period of time and then BOOM, they’re a stranger to you once again because you no longer speak. This doesn’t just relate to romantic relationships, we’ve all had best friends we no longer speak to or even family members who grew up with you like siblings and you no longer have that bond or connection and may see them at holiday time. How do you go from sharing your life with someone to hating them within a matter of seconds? Well, I’m no expert but the first thing that comes to mind is total lack of communication. There are so many who don’t actually know how to communicate their feelings effectively, they let their emotions control their words and usually the emotion doing the talking is………………….
…………………..you’ve got it: ANGER. My experience has been words spoken in anger never do anyone any good, they never solve the issue at hand, only add to the pain you’re causing one another. When you don’t communicate from a calm place, you push each other’s buttons trying to hurt them more than they can hurt you. I can’t express in words how totally unhealthy this is to you both. This is someone you claim to care about but now you’re speaking to them worse than someone on the street who scuffed your new white shoes. Hurting someone because you’re hurting never solves anything. 
Think about it this way: you’re hurting because they’ve said something harmful to you, you spew even worse at them and it continues; now you’re sitting there hurt and angry and worst of all? Alone because your Boo is no longer your Boo or your friend is no longer your friend and all because cooler heads didn’t prevail. Now you have a lot of healing to do, healing from the words spoken in anger to and from you as well as healing from the loss of that relationship which meant a lot to you. How did you get here?
I will, once again, own 100% that I have not always been the best communicator but have gotten better in my maturity and growth. I was conditioned to believe my opinion or even defense didn’t matter and it only upset the other person more and I would get yelled at and berated all because I tried to speak my peace. Unfortunately, I know this is one area in which I am not an anomaly, there are many, many more just like me walking around trying to keep the peace by keeping silent. I have come to learn that my voice matters, as does yours and everyone around you and I give others the opportunity to have their say as long as it’s in a respectful tone. See, that’s another area people seem to be confused about: TONE. The tone of your voice, no matter what you’re saying, creates the tone of the conversation. If you’ve had a bad day and even worse commute, your voice is going to be filled with tension and disdain and this would be the worst time to have an in depth conversation with someone you care about. The tone of one’s voice can change an upbeat, easy, breezy conversation into a heated argument in less than 30 seconds because it puts the other person on the defense and now you’re both mad, but why? How did you go from talking about what you’re wearing to the black tie event to now arguing about never picking up draws off the floor? Seriously, how did you get here?
Too many times, things happen in our lives which damage our spirit, soul and psyche but we just take that lil broom and sweep those instances under the rug with the other issues we don’t deal with. Not dealing with the pain of losing a loved one can and will come out as anger at the least expected moment because that pain has to find a way out and you can’t stop it because you never see it coming. You thought you were all well and good after you lost your job, thought you were in a positive mindset and grateful for what you had until your kids’ book bags aren’t symmetrically placed against the wall and then all hell breaks loose. 
Your kids are now looking at you with terror and fear in their eyes because they don’t understand what it is they did that was so wrong to have you screaming at the top of your lungs with your nostrils flaring. This is when it’s truly messed up because your kids are catching hell for your undealt with and unhealed pain. Now, because you never healed, you’re damaging other humans and showing them it’s okay to take issues out on people who had nothing to do with it. I don’t even have to ask because you now know how you got here.
I could say communication is key until I’m blue in the face but some still won’t get it, they’ll defend their actions and blame the other person for taking them to that level of pisstivity and causing them to blow up and spew hateful things at them. Here’s a fact for you: no one can make you angry, that’s a choice you make when you decide how you’re going to react. If you choose to blow up and not take care with your words, you’re going to be sitting there wondering how you got here, sitting alone and having the person you care about wishing you’d get hit by a bus and then peed on by a homeless person. Healthy relationships create healthy people and vice versa. Once you learn how to communicate your feelings, you’ll see how much healthier your relationships become. This works best if you each care about each other though.
If you believe someone is your friend and they’re just hanging around you to dig up dirt on you to put in these streets, they’re not going to communicate effectively with you, they’ll take every opportunity to throw shade and make you feel like shit. You may brush it off because you believe they’re your friend and would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. Newsflash, they’re not a friend but that doesn’t mean you move forward to the next person and change who you are. We all have people who cross our paths for various reasons and some of them do so as life lessons on how not to treat other people, making us better for the next person. When we have bad encounters with so-called friends ~ yes, your lover is your friend or at least should be ~ we tend to let it taint us and how we interact with others. Never let someone else’s actions towards you treat someone you care about like they did you, you know the pain you felt when it happened to you, don’t inflict that on another who’s just as innocent as you were.
So, speak your peace, let your voice be heard but make sure you check your tone before you utter that first word and be open to hearing what they have to say. Since everyone isn’t a master communicator, you can actually help them better explain what the real issue is by asking questions. Trust me, I’m known as the Queen of Questions because I will always ask questions to gain further clarity, understanding and insight on what the underlying issue really is. 
You’d be surprised how the right question can pull back that rug and expose the pain they’ve been avoiding for quite some time. Sometimes you have to humble a person with a statement which will bring it all to the forefront and they actually gain the clarity. There is a thin line between caring, having a nurturing, healing conversation and coming off as a know it all and speaking down to another person for both of your actions. When you’re having a discussion with another person, before you open your mouth to say a word, think about how you would feel first if those words were spoken to you. It’s not that hard to do, I promise, and you’ll be grateful you took that brief moment to consider your words before blowing up over some draws on the floor or 3 pumps and done!