I know when I’ve sat and chatted with someone and walk away feeling better that I was meant to be there, and that conversation was meant to be had at that particular time. This was my experience on Saturday when I was blessed to sit and talk with someone who is very enlightened about life and love. 
She shared things with me which clicked strongly within my own existence and I’d like to share some of those points with you now. The main thing we spoke about was planting seeds of the past in our present and future gardens. Believe me, at first, I didn’t get it because I thought I had let go of things from the past, but my thoughts are my seeds even if I believe I’m healed from the pain. 
We’ve all experienced and suffered from some level of trauma, trial or tribulation at some point in our lives, they could be from a job which wore down our spirit, a friendship which ended horribly due to betrayal, or a relationship which involved some sort of abuse.
Let’s start with the job aspect of this; you could have been in a position with a company where you were taken for granted, belittled, and felt as though you were being shit on at every turn, no matter how hard you worked and tried to prove yourself, they still felt within their right to ‘let you go’. 
That is a crushing experience because now you feel your best isn’t good enough and your confidence is shaken which makes it harder to get another job. You finally nail the interview for the ideal position and things are going great, you’re making more money than the last position, your co-workers love you, you’re able to demonstrate your strongest skill set, you feel you have job stability, and you’re even showing up early to work because you enjoy being there. What could be better, right? One day, you start to notice a lot more closed-door meetings and tension among the executive staff and your insecurity from the last job begins to kick in. You begin questioning if you’ve been doing your best work and was it good enough, are they talking about you, are they trying to figure out a way to let you know you’re no longer needed? What’s going on? You work yourself up into a tizzy about something that, in all reality, has absolutely nothing to do with you but you’ve begun planting those seeds. Your doubt has begun sprouting trees in your present from seeds of your past and your work is reflecting such. You aren’t as approachable because you’re in your own head, your work begins to suffer because you can’t focus and over analyze every detail, you start taking off more because you’ve begun looking for other employment as to not be caught off-guard like before. 
Your worry-wart seedling has now created a forest of doubt and despair and it’s recognized and felt by everyone around you and you actually do lose the job which was so perfect for you. One thing we don’t realize is that our thoughts create our reality, yes, it’s that simple.
While some of us are still besties with the child we met in kindergarten on our 3 day, there are those of us who have had friendships die in total shit storms of betrayal and anger. When you have a friend, someone you consider your bestie, you share everything with them because you, somehow, believe you’re going to always be friends, I mean, why wouldn’t you, right? 
Well, just like jobs and love, all things weren’t meant to last, only to teach you what you needed to grow, and it’s usually done thru pain and heartbreak. Yes, you can get a broken heart from a friend because you love them and when it’s over, you’re sad and hurt. Having been hurt by friends in the past, it causes me to put up my guard when new people enter my life because I believe they are going to hurt me as well. No matter how hard my intuition tries to keep that guard up against those who deserve it, my heart insists on seeing the good and moving forward with the friendship. During some friendships, there are no red flags but my mind still remembers the flags which littered previous friendships and I begin to withdraw.
This becomes a problem because I withdraw from everything and everyone with no explanation and this has caused resentment within the other person and they begin sowing their seeds of the negativity of their past in our current friendship.Unbeknownst to each other, we’re building what we thought to be a protective barrier of trees around ourselves but all it’s done is keep out some genuine people but, like they always say, we couldn’t see the forest for the trees. As I’ve learned, not everyone is out to get you but not everyone is good for you either, the friendship portion is a sticky wicket because there are more damaged people who are willing to smile in your face and talk about you behind your back. This is an area where you have to rely on your gut and those who truly care about you opening your eyes to thing you’d never see on your own.
Now, onto everyone’s favorite part: romantic relationships! Unless you married the first person you ever dated, there’s been some form of heartbreak in your life and that’s okay because it’s made you better for your next, and maybe present, Boo. Love will make you stay and put up with way more drama, messiness, disrespect, and all-around shit than you normally would because you believe that’s what love is: patience and endurance.
Remember that relationship which broke your spirit? The one where you were faithful, loyal, trusting and caring and they cheated? The one that damaged you more than any other, the one you never thought you’d recover from, the one which had you almost turn to same sex relationships as to not deal with the opposite sex ever again? Yeah, you know the one I’m talking about. You gave this person your all and everything, there was nothing you wouldn’t do for them, catered to their every whim and whimper, pampered and spoiled them, focused solely on them, restructured your life so they knew they were an absolute priority and how did they thank you? By going out and finding someone else less deserving of their love to leave you for. 
A betrayal such as this makes you either want to just crawl in a hole and hope you die as to not deal with the pain of feeling your own heart shattering in your chest or become some psychopath who slashes tires, busts windows, and risks felony charges just to try to make them hurt as much as you are. Now, neither of those are realistic ways to deal with heartache so, we drink wine, eat ice cream, watch sappy movies, and cry until our eyes are swollen shut from our tears. Slowly but surely you recover, you begin to see and feel the sun shining again with purpose to let you know you are alive and worthy of love, you know this because someone has entered your life worthy of your time, attention and love. 
Your bond and connection is felt by others and they can do nothing but smile when around the 2 of you, your happily ever after has arrived.Then comes the day when they don’t respond to your text message for 3 hours and, at first, you think nothing of it but it starts happening more and more frequently and your mind raises that red flag without proof. You don’t want to be blindsided again so, you start going thru their phone, popping up at their job just to make sure they actually went to work, 
call them for no reason when they say they’re with their friends hanging out, you officially become that crazy girlfriend no one wants to deal with and they break up with you. Dammit!! More seeds ruined your present once again.
What I’ve come to learn over the last few years is that the universe conspires to give you what you ask for. Yes, I know you didn’t ‘ask’ to be unemployed, betrayed or heartbroken but your thought pattern put it out there. 
When you thought about being fired, you were telling them that’s what you wanted. When your friend betrayed you, those wheels were put into motion either from your past actions (Karma catching up to you) or your thoughts from past experiences. Your Boo wasn’t cheating, they were just working extra shifts to be able to take you on vacation and weren’t always able to get to the phone, but your psycho mentality drove them away and left you lonely once again. Yes, it’s true, if we don’t learn from the past we are doomed and destined to repeat it. While I totally agree with this statement, I also believe that when you hold on to your negative experiences with a white knuckled grip, continuing to plant those dark seeds, you’re the reason you’re repeating growing trees tainted with your past, not those who come into your life to show and be a difference in your life. I’ll share with you how to plant beautiful flowers and greenery in your present and future: