Month: December 2018

As I sit here doing what has become my new pastime of spinning my grandmother’s wedding ring on my necklace, it makes me realize how much simpler things were in those days. My Nana’s ring is not the biggest, fanciest diamond by a long shot but the size is not what makes it preciously priceless. What gives this ring its character is what it stood for with my grandparents: loyalty, commitment, respect, dedication,faithfulness, and genuine, unconditional love. I learned what courting was from my Nana, she told me how she and my Granddaddy courted for 11 years prior to saying “I Do” and they were married for another 60 years until he passed away; even after his death, he was all she spoke and thought of.

She stood by his side while he went to college and gained 2 degrees with one of them being a Master’s in education. He was her man and her everything just as she was his woman and world. She was his backbone and supported him thru 2 stints in college and his partner thru life. We live in a sad day and time when it’s easier to find a freckled unicorn than to find this type of dedication and devotion. We have become of the mindset of instant gratification and lack of desire to even put forth any effort to actually be with someone mentality. Ugh

In my last post, I said I wasn’t going to tell what ‘courting’ was because I was closed minded enough to think that everyone already knew what it consisted of; I just thought they just didn’t care to utilize it. I was fortunate to grow up around people who courted and were courted; it was common place in my existence. However, I learned from a coworker that everyone wasn’t as fortunate to witness or even learn what courting consists of, he was raised by a single mom who was of the mindset of I can do bad all by myself and never let anyone close enough to her to even attempt to court her, she shut herself off to any possibility.

Unfortunately, there are way too many people with this toxic, unhealthy mentality, they’d rather be alone and never experience love and happiness because they don’t want to get hurt or feel as though their time has been wasted. How will you ever know what may or may not happen if you don’t open your mind and heart to the possibility of what could be? If it doesn’t work, take the lesson, grow from it and move on with a healthier mindset, soul and heart.

Let me clear up a misconception really quick: courting and dating are not one in the same although you will date while courting someone, going on a date doesn’t equal courting. When you decide to court someone, there is a purpose and life goal behind it, you know this is the person you want to build and spend the rest of your life with, you focus solely on them and don’t entertain THOTs.

Courting someone is being present when you’re with them, making time for them, getting to know them at their core, asking questions to learn about their childhood which ultimately shaped the person sitting in front of you, communicating with them throughout the day regardless of how busy both of you may be, and sitting on the couch and being content with just bingeing corny movies. Courting does not consist of having your noses in your phones while you’re out to dinner, having sex with other people because you don’t want to seem too easy or eager to have sex with them, making time for your friends and partying instead of them, or entertaining other people. If the latter are things you want to do, go ahead but don’t tie that person to you when you’re not as serious or in the same place as them.

In this day and age of social media, online dating, communicating and even breaking up, it’s easier not to put forth the effort but I was always taught that anything worth having was worth working for. On any given day at any given hour, you can scroll thru your social media and see asses, boobs, and penis imprints in sweatpants, both genders are guilty of shedding their dignity for likes. Being one who’s never considered online dating and seen more episodes of Catfish ® than I care to admit, I don’t get the whole online dating saga currently sweeping society. Basically, all you have to do is have a good looking profile picture, don’t worry if you don’t have one of yourself, pick a random hot person and use their face since you just want attention based off shallowness; a witty write up about yourself, don’t worry about telling the truth, this situationship isn’t going to last long enough for them to find out you lied; and since you’re swiping left and right,you’ll have something to do on your nights out instead of actually interacting with other people.

At this point, people are only going out for a meal to get laid, there is no other effort put forth in getting to know someone because they think they know you from what you post on social media. I can understand how some might think they know others since there are those who put their whole life story on the internet but those who still have their dignity and self-respect don’t share any real shit about their lives. The reality is this, you can date 3-5 people at one time and have no connection whatsoever except sex or similar tastes in music or movies and that doesn’t make a partner, that is a friend with benefits or hanging buddy. If we are lucky, we will come across that one who makes us want to be a better human being and raise our standards so we can be everything they could ever want or need.

When you meet that one who takes your breath away, you’ll feel it in your soul, it will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and will probably make you want to put your guard up and run for the hills screaming since it’s so unfamiliar. But the way the universe works at connecting souls, that guard won’t come up, you’ll feel drawn to them and as though you’ve known them your entire life even though you just met them moments ago because the souls have known each other since they were created. Where this connection takes place may not always be deemed as the most ideal spot and that’s why they tend to be dismissed as such; people are ashamed to say they met the love of their life in a club or even the gas station but if that’s where your souls were supposed to cross to connect, embrace it.

I’m learning more and more that guys either don’t care or simply don’t know how to woo a woman because they’re used to dealing with biologically grown girls. A guy believes because he offers to buy you a spirited beverage or few that he’s bought your time for the night and I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you but that’s a form of prostitution because you’re exchanging goods for company. You could spend your entire paycheck on a female and not even receive her phone number in return and go home broke and alone while developing resentment towards all women based on that one individual who doesn’t represent the rest of us.

People have been so damaged by other human beings that they’d rather be cold and not try because they believe every person who they have interest in will hurt them again. Guys will complain there are no good women out here but that’s because they’re stuck on what they deem would be a good woman while drooling over some random, big/fake ass female twerking in videos on social media.

Trust me, fellas, you’re not going to find a grown ass woman who respects herself showing her body all over the internet to gain likes and attention. And ladies, I hear the complaints all the time that there are no good men out here, how about you stop calling the true men corny and making fun of them for being a gentleman? The guys in those groups showing their packages and offering to send videos of him playing with himself to whomever likes his status are not the ‘good guys’ you’re seeking.

Both genders need to do better and leave something to the imagination when it comes to our appearance and character, I can’t even put it on one or the other, both sides are equally as guilty. Ladies, let these men be men and woo you the proper way,don’t clown him for bringing you flowers or taking you on a picnic because you’re only damaging him for the next one who would’ve appreciated it. And guys,please stop making us average figured women feel as though if we don’t have a donkey ass while wearing next to nothing we aren’t worthy of your time and attention.  

There are good men and women out here willing to give you the world and you’d see them if you weren’t so busy blowing them off for not having the hottest sneakers or phattest ass in the room. There is someone for everyone but only one per person, get rid of the side pieces and stop giving someone outside of your Boo your time and attention.

If you know you’re not serious about building with someone, don’t waste their time, we’re too old for this childish high school mentality and way of treating others.  

Yes, I’ve spoken on dating/courting/wooing before but with continued experiences, I’m learning it’s actually getting worse. I have bitching and venting sessions with my girlfriend on occasion and then get into unnecessarily heated and frustrating conversations with a male friend of mine and still have no legit answers, my head is just spinning more. It wasn’t until I was perusing social media one day and came across a statement did I finally get the sad reality: Guys today are cut from the cloth of little effort. BAM! And there it is! Such a simple, yet profound, statement put everything into perspective; enough females are accepting this lackluster attempt that the guys believe all females will accept and go along with it. I’m sorry to break it to you but every female isn’t cut from that cloth of ‘a text here and there is good enough to get the pannies’.

Let’s start with the minimal effort texts in the morning. Some people feel as though that’s enough to show interest in another person even though there is no follow up conversation throughout the day and it definitely doesn’t flow over into the weekend. Why would I entertain someone who only thinks about me during the week while they’re sitting in traffic and sends me a text which takes 3 seconds? Are you not interested on the days we could actually go out and spend real time together? Oh, my bad, those texts were supposed to woo and warm me up during the week and make me want you that much more come Saturday, right? Oh, but wait, you don’t have time for me on the weekends, so, I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you to hit me up Monday morning and make my week brighter. When I’ve been having this discussion with my friend, I’ve been told to be the mirror of what I want to receive and I agree with him 1000%, which is why I don’t entertain those low effort dudes. I am so sorry, really I’m not, that I don’t accept a mere 5 “Good Morning” texts as some sort of real effort. What happened to conversation once we’re both no longer at work? Hell, what happened to communicating and trying to spend time with me on the weekend? Can a sista get some conversation that isn’t of the sexual nature? I mean, you may be a’ight looking but that’s not what these pannies come off for and if you spent any time getting to know me, you’d realize it. You put forth so little effort by spending 3 seconds of your morning sending me a text and no more follow up and then want me to chase or be all over and begging to have sex with you?!

While I agree effort needs to be matched on both sides, I’m obviously cut of the ancient, forgone cloth of old school where the female doesn’t chase the male. If you are interested in actually being with me outside of the bedroom, you need to show me the interest is there by reaching out and communicating with me with something more than Good Morning. Oh, my bad, I see where the confusion seems to come into play, so, let me break it down a lil. Ahem, meager ‘Good Morning’ texts aren’t communicating and conversing, they’re merely speaking as you would to a stranger on the street. I speak to my coworkers every morning, Monday thru Friday and it’s never been taken as me wooing or showing interest in them, they merely say it back so and we go about our workday, why would a text stating the same be any different?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so much of a prude that I don’t get the fact that the most sought after end result is sex but what happens after that, is that when your interest is truly peaked and you want to get to know me? Was the cookie that good that you want to get to know the actual person now? I don’t know about you but in order to get to know ‘her’ on an intimate level, you must get to know me first. Maybe if we put forth as little effort in the bed by laying there like a dead fish as they put forth to get us there, they’d try harder. But then again, you have a lot of dudes whose sole purpose it was to get their lil dang-a-lang wet and bust a nut and accomplished it so, they go about their business as if they earned it.

Another area of the dating world where way too little effort is put forth is an actual date. Maybe I’m the anomaly because I’m not impressed enough to give you some coochie because you want to take me to Outback. Really? You thought that was going get my pannies wet and have me all over you? If that’s your plan, please miss me with that bullshit and let it stick to someone else because, at this stage in my life, I don’t have time for the nonsense. When you are dealing with a grown woman, money doesn’t impress her because she makes her own and can buy her own meals, try doing something she wouldn’t or couldn’t do for herself. Usually, I’d give some suggestions on things you could do to woo and impress a grown woman but too many don’t care to pay attention and actually do it so…………… And, sorry guys but sex also falls into the category of things I can do for myself instead of dealing with your nonsense, lies and inconsistencies. I just don’t understand why guys feel the need to lie to get laid and think it’s going to work?! I also don’t understand why they think that it’s okay to ask whose place we would be having sex at before the first date?! I would ask, “Where they do that at”? but everything I’m speaking of is from personal experience and they do it in 2018 and wherever they are breathing. Maybe you can help me out here on understanding who these bogus, low effort ass lines work on because I can see straight thru them! Unfortunately, the sad reality is they’ve worked on more than one person because the guys are repeating them with the confidence and intention of reaping the same result of an easy lay. And, trust me, when they realize they are going to have to put in some true, legit effort to get laid, it’s amazingly sad how quickly those texts trickle away to nothing at all.

Please don’t get me wrong, I know this is not just the guys’ fault because females have made it way, way, WAY too acceptable and easy for guys to continue to behave in this manner. Some females have had such horrible experiences that the simple ‘Good Morning’ text is enough to fulfill her day, she doesn’t care if she hears from him until the next morning, as long as he spoke. She feels it’s enough because he’s consistently doing it every morning and that’s what matters to her. I’m sorry, love, but that’s not true consistency because I know some people who have auto texts sent out at a specific time every day, he may have already forgotten he had it set up while you’re letting that smidgen of effort brighten your day.  Too many of us have been so damaged by others that we don’t believe we’re worthy of anything more and will still give all of ourselves to the brothas cut of the cloth of little effort and treat him like a king when he’s nothing more than the court jester.

Just because you don’t run across them every day doesn’t mean there aren’t still females who expect you to put forth some real effort in order to get our most precious gift because there are so many who don’t appreciate the gift between their legs and dole it out like Halloween candy and those are the ones you can send your lil raggedy Good Morning and nothing else to. If you want to experience what it’s like to deal with a grown ass woman, call her with some conversation, ask her how her day was, plan a date with her, don’t sit around sending “Good Morning” or even “WYD” texts to her and thinking she’s going to be impressed with it. You claim to be a grown ass man because you’re going to work every day and paying your bills as an adult should, why stop there? If you’re going to claim the title, you should live your life in the same manner by not tarnishing the crown with a lackluster “Good Morning” texts. Just as I should be a mirror, so should you.