Don’t Settle for Sitting on the Side

By now, I’m sure you are well aware that I am, not only, a ratchet reality tv junkie but also scroll thru social media like it’s my full time job. Yes, I shake my head at the amount of time I waste doing both but they somehow calm my mind because I don’t have to think when doing either. While scrolling thru social media, there’s a common subject going around as of late: Side Pieces/Cheating and I can’t relate to that which I don’t understand.

I’ve also been blessed to have many conversations with a scorned male and those are trying, exhausting as well as eye opening. As a woman, I know we love hard, give chance after chance to someone because we see them at their core and believe they’ll come around and see themselves as we do, and we all too often put their needs ahead of our own well-being. I would never tell anyone what would, should, could or not work for them because that’s their situation; I just speak on what I know for a fact won’t work for me.

 Let’s start with the side pieces, shall we? I’ve seen so many stories about a wife going after the husband’s mistress/side piece instead of dealing with him. Wait, when did the other woman become so much more acceptable but given such a dirty title? Back in the day, the other woman had the sophisticated title of “Mistress” and now she’s just a “Side Chick” but has gained more privileges. Society is so screwed up! Back in the day, the mobsters would have certain nights that they all partied with their mistresses and reserved nights where they brought their wives and treated them both like princesses, both women tolerated it because he was holding down the household and they never wanted for anything. Now?  It has become so blatantly disrespectful with these males being bold enough to bring their side chick on their honeymoon cruise or even having her at family gatherings where he is with his wife.

The other woman rarely has all her bills paid and living a life of luxury for being a secret sex kitten to this male. The side chick has become just as involved in the guy’s life as the wife is by hanging out with his friends and family members who are accepting of the infidelity their boy is committing. Again, I don’t give a rat’s ass what society has accepted, this is not cool with me, I do not accept extra people in my relationship or marriage! If you feel you need to be with someone else, leave me the hell alone and go do you by yourself, don’t take my heart, pride, emotions and respect with you.  

There are so many aspects of all of this that I just don’t understand; it makes me dizzy, like, why go after the other woman in a fit of rage? She didn’t make a vow with you in front of family, friends, and GOD, he did; this woman didn’t make a commitment to you, he did; this woman didn’t vow to be with you and you only til death do you part, he did; this woman doesn’t lay next to you in bed every night, sharing her body, hopes and dreams with you, he does. She may have no clue he’s even married and yet, here you are so afraid of being alone, you’re willing to risk jail time and a record by fighting, stalking and possibly killing another woman who shared your man.

Why is it that you rarely hear of a woman slicing her husband’s face or pistol whipping him when she finds out he hasn’t kept his lil dang-a-lang in his pants? Now, I don’t know what life is like once she confronts him but, unfortunately, nine times out of ten, the marriage remains intact, it may be a little rocky but she isn’t going anywhere but he also doesn’t keep it in his pants for only her, why would he? This male has stepped out, had an affair, gotten a woman beat up and insulted but his home is still relatively intact, he’s suffered no real consequences because his wife would rather have a piece of him than the entirety he promised her.

The reality of all of this is you have no idea what this male is telling the other woman about his marriage and that’s if he’s even admitting he’s married. When I got married, our rings were a symbol of our commitment to one another and if we ever took them off, it was a sign we didn’t want to be in the marriage anymore or someone had some serious making up to do.

Nowadays, a lot of males don’t even bother to wear a wedding ring with the lame ass excuse of “I don’t like jewelry” or “I’m allergic to gold/platinum/titanium on my hands” while sporting an expensive watch and necklace.

The bullshit they come up with is just as comical as it is lame. As a single woman, you’d be amazed how many supposed unhappily married men exist in this world who think you should be flattered to be his other woman. The most common story line I’ve  heard is, “I’m only with her for the children” but you also have, “We’ve been together for so long, it’s no point in divorce” or “It’s a financial thing, I’d lose more by divorcing her but we don’t even sleep in the same bed” and, my fave, “We don’t even have sex anymore”. 

I’m sorry, sir, I am not interested in spending all of the holidays alone while you drink, eat and be merry with both of your families nor am I interested in sitting around, waiting for you to come up with the perfect acceptable lie to be able to see me and being understanding of the fact you’re going to do the hoe stroll because there’s no way you’d ever be able to spend the night with me. Yes, they may take you away on a vacation they have lied to their wife about being a boy’s trip but you can’t post any pics of the 2 of you together or boast about this man who’s swept you away to an island on any form of social media because you have to stay in your lil dirty secret lane.

The biggest aspect I don’t understand about infidelity is being with your side piece and going home to your partner and kissing them with the same mouth you just had on the other person’s private parts and doing all kinds of nastiness with. How do you look your partner in the face as though you weren’t just choking someone else in a fit of passion? How do you differentiate between who likes what? My biggest question is HOW?! Being a divorcee’, obviously I’ve been married, when I was, it was about him and only him, other guys didn’t catch my eye because I was focused on pleasing the ONE I had at home. The fact that side pieces are running so ramped in society shows me that majority of the people walking this earth have no conscience and are all about self. If you truly loved, cherished and respected the person you are with, you’d never be able to even kiss another person in a passionate way which could lead to sex. But hey, this is merely my opinion and I’ve been told my mentality is antiquated because I still believe in the ideal of marriage. What can I say? I love LOVE and nothing will change that, not even heartbreak because it wasn’t love that broke my heart but someone who didn’t know how to love who did.

It is a sad and unfortunate time we live in where females strive to be the other woman more than they seek being a wife because they are receiving some of the wifey privileges and being able to continue to live their life, to an extent. You will have some men who tell their other woman to continue to do her but you have many more who believe they are to be faithful to someone who isn’t faithful to her or his wife.

There is no way you are able to build a life or future with someone else’s partner because when and if he ever decides to leave her, he’s not running to your door with an engagement ring promising to commit to you. There are women who have been the secret for decades, wasting their lives by pining for the day this man decides to leave his wife, hanging onto every promise of “When our youngest graduates from high school, I’m all yours” but when that child graduates, then it becomes “Once we sell the house, I’m all yours”, house gets sold and you’re still alone, cherishing every secret phone call he can sneak and make. This is a never ending cycle, if he wasn’t happy, he’d have left her and come for you correctly, in a manner which honors your worth. You may wreck the home but you’ll never get the man.

I will agree that the selection of available men out here is quite slim pickings but you are worth having someone who is all about you, not someone who is able to see you because they stated they’re working overtime, you deserve someone who doesn’t only think about how you make them feel in the bedroom, you deserve the dates in public where everyone can see the 2 of you together without having to worry if that’s his wife’s friend in the corner with a cell phone capturing your night out.  We all deserve to be able to scream from the mountain tops about the person who has our heart, not remain silent about loving the person who does a hoe stroll because they can’t spend the night away from the home they share with someone else.

It’s time we realized our worth and waited patiently for the one who respects and appreciates us for it. Don’t settle for a piece of a man, you deserve him in his entirety and if he can’t give you that, move on because the one for you and only you is out there.