What beats a failure?

Hi my Lovelies! I was recently having a conversation with my sister and, anyone who knows us knows that our conversations are all over the place. I could call my sister on video chat to show her a new piece of furniture or way of decorating and this should only take, at most, 3 – 5 minutes but those tend to be the convos which we talk about everything under the sun for about 3+ hours. During our conversations, without fail, we will both use a quote/adage our father or older relative would always use and it stuck with us thru our lives. A couple of the more prominent ones our father would use would be “Be a duck” because I always took everything said to me to heart and it weighed me down and I needed to let it roll of my back as ducks do water or “Only dogs like bones” when I felt discouraged about my healthy curves because men like meat on a woman. I love my daddy, GOD knows I do but whenever he would say something like that, I would roll my eyes and tune him out because I didn’t want to hear it no matter how true it was or how much sense it really made.

After getting off the phone with her, I sat and tried to think of my favorite quote/saying and it was like trying to choose my favorite pair of shoes or movie. I felt I had burdened myself with an impossible task but then realized that, just as there isn’t 1 pair of shoes which will compliment every ensemble I have, there isn’t one quote that is a comfort blanket for every situation in life, that’s why there are so many. I regularly just stare in my closet and admire the many pair of shoes I have which are color coordinated like the rainbow and can’t imagine owning just 1 pair of black or brown shoes.

As most of us know, you can’t wear pants’ shoes with a cute skirt so, you need to have multiple styles with different heel shapes and heights to compliment your outfits appropriately. Just as you can’t have that lone pair of shoes, one quote doesn’t fit every situation in life. Think about it, while I may say “It is what it is” often, that doesn’t work when you’re trying to comfort someone who just lost a loved one and, if you opt to use it at that very sensitive time, please be prepared to get kicked out and banned from their presence for being an insensitive asshole.  

The one quote my father regularly used on me was “Nothing beats a failure but a try” because I was, and still am, hesitant to step out of my box out of fear of failing. When you’re a perfectionist with O.C.D., leaving your comfort zone is terrifying because you’re agreeing to give up the one thing you work so hard to maintain: Control. I appreciate my Daddy for seeing how I was limiting myself and trying to help me understand that I would only fail if I didn’t try but I was also dealing with the thought I wasn’t good enough in other areas of my life and didn’t want to add to that list by not being good at this new venture. Younger me was too comfortable and strong willed to do anything which would cause me to leave the confines of my box and just didn’t try a lot of different things in life as the fear of not being perfect absolutely paralyzed me.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to learn that I can’t control everything but damn if I don’t try. As of late, I’ve adopted the mentality of “What’s the worst that could happen?” because, really, outside of dying, how bad can an attempt actually be? Hold on, don’t get too excited, I am not out here doing anything like cliff diving but I’m no longer as concerned with what others may think of me and my dancing to a song that speaks to my soul.

I have always been a huge proponent of “Practice what you preach” and can’t authentically suggest my daughters push their fear aside if I’m not doing the same, I have to be their role model or they’ll search elsewhere and end up down the wrong path. Yes, I’m glad you recognized it, that is my O.C.D. stepping forward and, when it comes to my daughters, I will never relax or try to reel it in when it’s for their better good. I used to think it to be a curse that my daughters, one more than the other, inherited my innate fear of stepping out of the comfort zone of the tiny box of familiarity but I began to appreciate it for the blessing it truly is because I was forced to get out of my box to guide my girls out of theirs. In coming to this realization, I now have a greater understanding of how frustrating I must have been for my parents who only wanted me to experience all life had to offer. I have one daughter, the youngest, who didn’t really show much fear from an early age, she just went with the flow and I admire and am so proud of her for taking chances without batting an eye. While her nonchalant attitude is impressive, it’s frustrating as her parent because it’s hard to punish a child who doesn’t give a shit about anything as her feelings on everything seems to be “Ah well, is what it is”.

After almost 50 years, yes, I said almost as I’m not claiming that number until April, on this planet, I’ve come to see how many opportunities I have missed out on by staying in my box and not having faith in at least trying. How will any of us know if we do or don’t like something or are a beast at a task if we don’t take that first step to try it? As my Daddy always said, you only fail when you cease to try. Be great, my Lovelies, and try something new today! Smooches!