I am a dreamer!

Hey, hey Lovelies! Have you ever had a dream so real that when you woke up you were living the emotion of the dream? When I was married, my husband had a dream where, I’m guessing, I had been unfaithful and he woke up pissed and stayed mad for quite some time. I guess my laughing at how ridiculous he was being didn’t help but, to me, this was hilariously unfathomable because I had enough shit going on in our marriage, with work, and raising our daughters to even attempt to offer someone else my time and attention. Let’s also factor in the fact that I am a faithful partner, once I commit to someone, theirs is the only attention I seek. Now, if he had had a dream that I went on a shopping spree and emptied the bank account, I could understand him being angry because that was so much closer to reality due to my shopping hobby.

Don’t get me wrong, I was raised to understand what specific dreams meant from a very young age and have earned the badge of “The fish dreamer”. I’m not sure if it’s country or what but, as I was taught, when you dream of fish, that means someone is pregnant and every single time I’ve dreamed of fish, we have welcomed a new member of the family. This might explain why I got so upset when my daughter called me a couple of months ago and told me she had a dream I was a fish! I refused to hear her out and simply said, “No, ma’am! NOPE! There is no dreaming of fish and me at the same time!” and she begged me to listen to her dream and why it made her cry. Hell, the possibility of me being pregnant at 49 brought tears to my damn eyes but I would probably be considered a saint as it had been so long since I had gotten laid, my name would be Mary because I had immaculately conceived the 2^nd son of Christ! Her dream was that I was a fish, even wore a little blazer and sat a desk in my fishbowl and worked every day.

This broke her heart because she could never hug me again and she couldn’t live without ever receiving that from me again. To her, me being a fish was worse than me dying because she could see me every day but never touch me. Yeah, yeah, that’s very touching but couldn’t I have been something besides a fish?!

Just like my daughter had a dream that stuck with her and my ex-husband had a dream that altered his entire reality for a few days, we all have that one dream that just hits us so hard it makes us question what’s truly real. I am an avid dreamer and even keep a dream journal on my bed so I can scribble down what I recall from the really odd ones so I can piece it together and figure out what my ancestors are trying to tell me. I have heard stories of people who have had their loved ones visit them in a dream and reveal specific numbers to play and they win the lottery. Well, I don’t have those types of ancestors, mine make me work hard to figure out what they’re trying to tell me even though they know I’ll get frustrated and give up.

I have had many dreams of my Daddy since he gained his wings and some feel so real that I wake up relieved that his passing was just a bad nightmare but the true nightmare hits when I realize I can’t just pick up the phone to hear his voice. Imagine being in a dream in present time and your loved one is there, life is what you deem as normal as you’re laughing and just enjoying your loved one and then…………………………you wake up. This type of dream creates such a delusion that you wake up in euphoria that their death was the bad dream. When I have had this type of dream about my Daddy, I’m not instantly snapped to reality when my eyes open, reality doesn’t hit me until I start remembering the day he went down and never woke up and my heart breaks all over again. While it is a blessing to have him visit me in my dreams, it hurts just as bad as the day he passed when I realize it was all a dream.

There is one particular dream that has stuck with me for over 20 years and it involves my brother. He passed away suddenly at the preciously young age of 27 and it absolutely crushed my entire spirit. When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, we opted not to learn her gender because, if GOD wanted us to know, my stomach would have been transparent. Before you ask, no, that didn’t apply to my youngest as I had a lot of pink everything and needed to prepare if we had a boy. When I was 7 months pregnant, I had the most vivid dream of my brother I’d like to share with you. We were on a row boat in the middle of a large body of water and he was holding a baby swaddled in a plush blanket and he couldn’t take his eyes off of the baby’s face. I will never forget the look of being so in love with a human being I saw in his eyes. He let his eyes leave the baby’s face long enough to look me in my eyes with a tear in his and said, “She’s so beautiful, she looks just like you. I am so blessed to have another niece to love on. Thank you”.

Even though I would never be sitting in a row boat in the middle of large body of water, this dream felt real, he felt real, I truly felt his spirit and energy with me. I woke up and smiled because, to me, he wasn’t dead and I was going to call him to tell him about my dream but before I could get my phone, I realized it was his spirit which visited me in that dream. It’s not just the warmth of his spirit that makes that dream stick with me it’s the fact he was truly holding my daughter in that dream because that is the child I call my clone as I truly spit her out. Anyone who knows us and has seen her will attest to the fact that she doesn’t look as though she has any other DNA than mine, like I created it her all by myself. The hardest part of waking up from that dream was that I mourned his passing all over again, I was sad and took time to cry in private for 2 whole weeks because I didn’t think anyone would truly understand how it felt. Yes, I cried and cried hard, I don’t think the pregnancy hormones helped at that point.

I have met people who tell me that they don’t dream and I can’t fathom such an anomaly. There are times where I don’t remember my dreams but I know I dreamt something and there are other times when I sleep so hard, I don’t even remember being asleep but I don’t wake up and believe I’ve not dreamed. I am of the belief that dreams are your subconscious thoughts which are only free to come to light when you’re resting and not pushing them aside because you have so much else going on in your waking life. Now, don’t get it twisted, all dreams are not always the sanest visions as some of mine have been a compilation of bat shit crazy to the point I begin to re-evaluate what I had to eat the night before that would cause such nonsense.

We all dream, whether they occur in a deep slumber or in our waking life, they are there to guide and bring us a semblance of comfort with the visits from our loved ones or feeling loved by our crush or getting that big promotion at work. If you’re like me and have dreams that tend to be all over the place, I suggest you get yourself a journal/notebook and a pen that you keep on your bedside table or even on your bed so you can jot down the fragments of your dreams you remember before they disappear, you’ll be surprised at what you learn when you put those pieces together.

I wish you sweet dreams and visits from your loved ones. Be great, my Lovelies! Smooches!