Hi, my lovelies! I don’t know about you but, when I was growing up, we weren’t allowed to compliment or brag on ourselves as it was deemed as being arrogant or conceited. We were raised to be silently humble, regardless of how good we looked, we had to keep that shit to ourselves. A couple of years ago, a friend of mine tasked me with creating a list of 10 things I love about myself so I could begin my ‘self-love journey’ and I got stuck at #3 because all I could hear was my elders telling me not to be vain because it’s unattractive and, to this day, I’ve yet to complete that list.
When I saw this challenge to share my favorite part about myself, I decided that it’s time to humbly brag on myself because I’ve come a long way to overcome the damage done to my self-confidence and self esteem at the words of others to become the fandamntastic Queen I am today.
One of my most favorite parts of myself is my heart, not the one that’s beating and keeping me alive but the one that allows me to feel, love, and be loved. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy the organ in my chest is healthy and continues to beat on a daily basis but I’m prouder of the heart that’s been shattered and ripped apart by those I’ve loved and trusted not to betray me. The trauma I have put my heart thru has, at times, been physically painful. Yes, I say that I put my heart thru trauma because it was my choice to stay with people who showed me who they were and I kept going back in hopes my love would be strong enough for them to realize the damage they were causing. I have spent many nights shedding tears that soaked my pillowcase, get up the next day as though nothing is wrong, and never given up hope on sharing my heart without worrying about it being returned broken.
My heart is big, pure, and beats strong despite being held together with Scotch ® tape. I have known people to get hurt and allow themselves to become bitter and set out on a mission to destroy other people because one person hurt them but my heart won’t allow me to do that. I am known to be the giver of many chances because, while my eyes may have seen them, my heart has ignored the mountains of red flags
to see the good in people even when they can’t see it within themselves and, no matter the amount of pain I may endure, I would have it no other way. I understand that hurt people hurt people and it’s not up to me to even a score of sorts because their actions aren’t my cross to bear and I forgive them so I can move on with my life without the weight of pain and resentment.
I am grateful for the package that Mommie, Daddy, and Jesus put together and my next favorite part of myself is my physique. While I may not be the baddest bitch out here, I am finally comfortable and feel damn good in my skin. I haven’t always been appreciative of my figure because I haven’t always had one and envied the girls in high school with the small waists, big butts and hips, and ample bosoms because I didn’t possess any of that, I was slim and long. For most of my life, I have dealt with body image issues because I would see other females who were a lot thicker than myself and feel inferior and as though I couldn’t compete for anyone’s attention. I am proud to say this is no longer an issue nor concern as I don’t need some random dude’s raggedy ass attention to make me feel good about myself, I do that on my own.
I am grateful that I can eat pretty much whatever I want, not kill myself in someone’s gym, and it doesn’t show on my 5’9” frame. I used to hate being what others deem as tall because I felt awkward as I towered over most of the males around me when I was in high school which caused the rift between me and heels, I didn’t want to add to the height I was already ashamed of. As I’ve matured, I have come to appreciate the blessing of height and proudly wear my 5” stilettos without being fazed by or concerned with the fact I can usually see clear across a crowded room as majority of the people in there are under 6’ tall. My physique may not be what used to be called a brickhouse with a donkey ass, abnormally tiny waist, and child smothering breasts but I embrace my natural grown woman curves as they fit and compliment my frame perfectly.
My next favorite part of myself is my face. When I was younger, my features were deemed to be too big for my age as I had big ‘funny colored’ eyes, fat cheeks, a big mouth, and, alas, the cleft chin. My ‘funny colored’ eyes aren’t strange or outrageous, they’re simply hazel and change from light to dark depending on my mood at the time. I inherited my eyes from my Daddy and used to do everything I could to make them stand out but the amount of makeup I would apply only distracted from them so, I no longer wear makeup unless I’m going out for the night, I just let them naturally shine bright on their own. Children, and most adults, can be extremely cruel when pointing out something different about you which usually isn’t a bad feature or even a flaw but they make you feel like shit for it anyway. Some people are so broken, they get mad at you for being whole.
I have come to appreciate and admire the dimple in my chin because it’s something I get from my Nana and I’m one of the very few in my family who is blessed with it. I love my ample lips and, prior to having to wear a mask in public, I made sure to pick the perfect shade of lip gloss or lipstick to emphasize and draw attention to my mouth and spotlight my relatively straight teeth. I am blessed to have been able to suck my thumb for 18 years and not need braces nor have an extreme overbite. Oddly enough, I’m also grateful for my Resting Bitch Face because it prevents people with intentions of doing nothing more than wasting my time of approaching me as I don’t have time, tolerance, or patience for bullshit and my face conveys that without me ever having to utter a word.
I love my brain! Yeah, I know that sounds odd, corny, geeky, and weird but I really do. I love the way it retains and thirsts for knowledge. I have been blessed to have people in my life who have encouraged me to use my brain and not my looks to make it in this world as looks fade but knowledge is forever. Trust me, I wasn’t that appreciative of my mother when I had to read the dictionary when I was younger but I am so grateful for that experience now as I am able to hold intelligent conversations using ‘big’ words correctly. I am somewhat of a word nerd and love doing crossword puzzles and learning new words, I light up like a child being shown a new toy. My brain also enables me to be quick witted which some consider being a smart ass and I am totally fine with it because I never lie, just point out the obvious and that can be a bit much for some to swallow at that moment.
Every favorite part and aspect of me is tied to my lineage, connected to someone I love, respect, admire, and adore. I now know resenting any part of myself is a slap in their face so, today, I stand tall and proud of the strong, beautiful Black Queen with a pure heart, captivating eyes and smile, intelligent mind, and somewhat of a smart mouth. I am falling more in love with myself each and every day as I gain appreciation of not looking like what I’ve been thru.
We’ve all been picked on and apart by someone who wasn’t happy with themselves and took it out on us which caused us to take it to heart and dim our shine because words really do hurt. Take a moment to look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful/handsome you are, compliment the features that make you who you are, wear that outfit that shows off your assets, do whatever it takes to embrace the fabulousness of you! Stop hating yourself for everything you’re not and start loving yourself for everything you are!
