Hey, hey my lovelies! I know it’s been a minute since I’ve touched base with y’all but I’ve been busy reveling in the repaired relationship with my mother! Yay us! Trust me, I thought that her 8 full days visit with me would’ve resulted in a death and jail sentence but, I am happy to say that we are now closer than ever with a lot more understanding of one another and I couldn’t be happier. After the visit with my mother, my baby came and spent an extended weekend with me and we actually enjoyed the time with one another and, let me tell you, being the parent of an adult is different but also refreshing.
With that being said, having spent time with my mother and having a very heated (and necessary) Come to Jesus meeting with her and then taking the day off to go to museums with my daughter, a lot of things were put into perspective for me. There are times that you need the shit shaken out of you a lil bit in order to assess all relationships in your life, where you want to be, what you want from them, and which ones no longer serve any purpose in your life. So, bear with me while I quote Auntie Maxine and reclaim my time.
Have you ever held a grudge with someone for their actions or words towards you? You haven’t? Yeah, me either. In the next blog, we’ll discuss this and other lies we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel like bigger, better people but for now I’m going to get into grudge holding. When I was younger, yes, I held onto grudges for so long, I would end up forgetting why I was even mad at the person but that didn’t matter to my petty ass and I stayed mad because somehow, they deserved it.
Yes, that was so incredibly stupid and immature but, to be fair, I did say I was younger and have since learned that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I’m over here fuming and they are living their best lives! The audacity! This is one way I reclaimed my time years ago and have been continually banking it ever since. I have come to realize that you can hold someone accountable for their actions, forgive them, and move on with your life without them, why give them your energy as you carry that burden of anger? Life is too short and that shit weighs you down, reclaim your time.
While we’re on the subject of grudges, have you ever disliked someone because your friend or family member didn’t like them? You have carried such disdain for a person you never met in person but have already judged and convicted them based on a story told to you by your friend/relative from their perspective. Yep, guilty of this as well because I thought that if I hated someone that had hurt or offended someone I cared about, it showed loyalty but it showed ignorance a lot more.
Here’s a perfect example: my father used to beat my mother but never laid a hand on us and I didn’t hate him. I was challenged and come for by someone I cared a lot about who questioned why I adored my Daddy and the answer was simple – the relationship between my mother and father was theirs, the relationship I had with him had nothing to do with it, I was a child. Was I proud of what he did to her? Hell no but I was proud of the man he became and fact he apologized to her, her parents, and us for what he did as well as changed his behavior. I am not judge and juror, I can’t convict him nor can I hold a grudge against him for his choices, those were his to live with for the rest of his life and, trust me when I tell you, it ate him up every day until he took his last breath.
I grew up living by adages shared by my family and the one which comes to mind right now is “Not having a dog in that fight”. I’m not sure if this is something country others wouldn’t understand so, here’s a simple explanation: Have you ever had a discussion with someone, it gets heated and then a 3rd party who has nothing to do with the price of tea in China jumps in and stirs the pot, aggravating an already emotionally charged situation? The 3rd person had nothing to do with the discussion but took it upon themselves to get involved and, in turn, ganged up on 1 person by siding with the other. This person who didn’t have a dog to bring to this fight has now made the situation worse and taken it upon themselves to be angrier than the original two individuals who were working their shit out fine. This is a huge time and energy waster because now there are 3 people who are pissed off with one another, straining relationships unnecessarily because someone who had nothing to do with it felt it was their right to get involved.
Let me be clear when I say this, no they didn’t! If at any point you see two people you care about in a discussion that’s getting heated, be the cooler head and resolve it, don’t pour gasoline on it and then light it with your words and actions, that helps no one. I, personally, believe those who interfere in situations that have nothing to do with them are miserable souls looking to disturb the peace of others, don’t give them that power. The way you reclaim your time in this situation is to just remain calm, never raising your voice regardless of how ignorant they get, agree with your person that you’ll continue this discussion when it’s just the two of you, and walk away with your head held high.
How many times have you been told that the reason someone can’t be with you is because you deserve better than they are showing you? Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Now, this person knows at their core they aren’t willing to give you what you deserve, not that they can’t, they just won’t because you’ve not demanded or even requested anything different from them. When you hear this, you will be able to feel your heart shattering in your chest because the only reason you put up with their shit was because you hoped and prayed they’d show you the same respect they’d shown others or at least give you what they knew you deserved but chose the punk way out. But wait, they don’t just let you go, they stick around enough to keep your hope alive without putting in the effort you deserve, all the while holding you up from your happy ever after, and you’re foolishly enough in love to accept those lil crumbs they toss your way every now and then. So, let me get this straight, we both agree that I deserve so much more but only from others all while accepting the lackluster shit you toss my way when you’re bored or horny?
Yeah, nah, reclaiming ALL my time and giving it to the person who recognizes what I deserve and goes out of their way to give it to me.
I know these examples only begin to scratch the surface of how we’ve wasted so much of our time due to immaturity, misery, toxicity, and love and I will continue to share areas where you can easily reclaim your time (feel free to share your time wasters in the comments). The truth of the matter is it’s a choice that we make based solely off of emotion at the time but moving on is also a choice and that’s how you reclaim your time. No one is perfect, we all slip and back slide because we are forever growing and evolving, we don’t know everything and once it’s all figured out, our time here is done. It’s not, initially, going to be easy to reclaim your time because it’s easier and more comfortable to behave the way you always have so, how’s that working out for you? Has letting someone come in and out of your life at their leisure lead to your happy ever after? Has sticking your nose in other people’s issues and stirring the pot mended relationships? Has carrying someone else’s grudge added 1 second to your life? Has holding a grudge towards someone altered their life in any form or fashion? The next time you’re confronted with any of these situations, embody Auntie Maxine Waters and say aloud, “Reclaiming my time”
and walk away with your head held high!
