Small word, huge impact

Hey, hey my Lovelies! It feels like it’s been a whole minute since we’ve connected but, as you all know, life continues to happen and sometimes it’s a greater speed than we’re prepared for. As much as I’d love to say, and my family would love to hear, that I’ve been busy staying turnt up, I’ve just been busy and occupied with work and my daughters but that’s how my life is built right now and I’m totally fine with it as that’s where my focus needs to be at the moment.

This past week, we had a retreat at work and I got the opportunity to have general conversations with our board members and it was a great experience. One day at lunch, we began discussing reality survival shows and the things these contestants endure for clout. The discussion soon turned to what each of us would bring to the table in the event of an apocalypse and my spoiled ass blurted out “FEAR” as I’m extremely conditioned to and comfortable with my first world luxuries.

Per usual, I took time to process this whole conversation after the retreat was over as I was ‘voted off the island’ at lunch by bringing fear to the situation. Am I the handiest person? That would be a generous Hell No but I can make things work if need be. I was raised to know how to do things on my own so I would never have to depend on a man to put a bookcase together or change my oil but that doesn’t mean I like it. Now, I’ve never had the urge to hunt, kill, clean, and cook my own dinner and my limited palette is where I’d struggle as I don’t currently have the heart to eat a bunny or squirrel but tough times call for tough decisions. Give me a moment while I thank GOD for my lifestyle…………….

As I processed my inability to survive an apocalypse, I realized my parents didn’t raise me to die during the opening credits of a horror movie, they raised me to do whatever it takes to survive. After a little more thought, I can now say that, if my daughters were with me during this dark period, I’d do whatever humanly possible to make sure we all survive even if it means killing Thumper for dinner.

It’s amazing what you will do to make sure your babies are okay and, sometimes, that just means surviving yourself so you can continue to be there for them and I am that mother.

Being the overthinker I am, my mind refused to stop at surviving the end of humanity and honed in on my word of choice: FEAR. I began to think about how that teeny tiny four-letter word drives our lives in ways we’d never imagine. There are times where I view being afraid of something as more common sense than fear, for example: I love sharks but know better than to jump in a shark cage to get face to face with them in the middle of the ocean. I have said before that LOVE is the scariest emotion because we have no control over it but FEAR runs a close second because we can’t get out of our own way to face our fears and enjoy all life has to offer.

How many times have you considered taking a chance on love, a big move, or dream job but talked yourself out of it due to the fear of rejection or getting hurt? Personally, I can’t even come up with a number because I’m too comfortable in my box to take a chance and run the risk of looking stupid or getting hurt yet again. Yes, I am the same person who was raised by the adage of “nothing beats a failure but a try” and I have tried some things but there are many others I’m good with never experiencing and letting die by the wayside.

Have you ever dealt with a narcissist? What most fail to understand is that romantic partners aren’t the only narcissists in our lives as they could be a family member, coworker, or friend; narcissists come in all forms and genders. When you’re in relationship with a narcissist, it’s run solely by fear as they know the one thing which would break you is no longer being with them and they use it to their advantage at every turn. Being in an unhealthy relationship will have you sacrificing every part of who you are to appease someone who has proven time and time again they don’t give two shits about you and your feelings, they care about the control they have over you and the relationship. When I share stories from my marriage, people always ask me why I stayed so long and my initial response is that I didn’t want him to leave me. Pardon me while I take a moment to thank Jesus for growth, maturity, healing, and getting out of that shit show.

If you’ve ever been cheated on, lied to, broken, betrayed, or abandoned by someone you loved with everything you are, you’ll be hesitant and cautious when a real one comes into your life. Fear will cause you to overthink everything about this person and you’ll ask yourself questions, pondering their genuineness and authenticity which will cause you to miss out on the awesomeness of their being. Having experienced heartbreak, you promised yourself you’d never let anyone close enough to hurt you again which makes you pause when you feel happiness with this person as you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and refusing to be okay with there not even being another shoe, they are who they are and who you asked and waited for but fear has you stuck and sabotaging this good thing.

There is actually a good aspect to having experienced heartbreak as you, hopefully, took the time to heal and learn what you will and won’t put up with as well as what you deserve.  If you push fear aside and give this person a chance, what’s the worst that could happen? Yes, there is a chance it may not work out but what if it does? And, if it doesn’t, it’s okay, you’ve already proven that you will survive and are in a better place to heal this time around.

While love and fear are both strong emotions, you actually have control over fear as it’s your choice as to whether or not you face it, love doesn’t give you the option, it just kicks down the door and pimp smacks the shit out of you. I had a conversation with someone before who said “You don’t choose who you fall in love with” and, to an extent, I agree whole heartedly but, on the flip side of that, you have to give people a chance to get close enough to fall in love with them, example: how many people do you know who have seen the same crackhead in passing and fallen in love with them? I have pushed fear aside and ignored my gut feeling to give someone a chance, got sucked into believing them when they said they ‘weren’t like the rest’, and ended up looking stupid as hell when they were every bit of the other pieces of shit they claimed not to be like. I have overlooked red flags by saying they were pink which, somehow, justified me giving them chance after chance after they continued to show me who they were. Oh, how foolish and ignorant we can be when it comes to the possibility of love.

Thru my self-love expedition, I’ve become more self-aware and learned a whole lot about myself. When it comes to love, I’m not fearful, I just don’t have time, tolerance, or patience for the same bullshit that’s been spewed at me for decades. I am at the point in my life where I’m not okay with being in a situationship, with someone who isn’t willing to share their world with me and vice versa, with someone who thinks it’s okay to have me as secret, someone who doesn’t respect or appreciate me, and I damn sure am not settling for a friends with benefits or side piece situation. I was not put on this earth and raised the way I was to be treated as anything less than the phenomenal Queen I am, I’m a grown ass woman and worthy of nothing less than a grown ass relationship with someone who is worthy of all I have to offer, anything less can keep it moving. I have no fear of love as I know how wonderful and amazing it can be, I have a fear of settling for anything or anyone just to not be single. Trust me when I tell you, being single has a lot of perks and so much less stress than being in a relationship which isn’t serving you properly, you glow differently.

Your life is constantly created by the choices you make and it’s based off your decisions, not those influenced by others as it’s not their life to live, it’s yours. Be great, my Lovelies!