Hey, hey my Lovelies! Yes, I know it’s been a hot minute since you’ve heard anything from me, I’m still here healing and thriving, life has just been life-ing a bit more than I’m used to. I’ve been attempting to get a life and, to be honest, this shit is a lil exhausting for an introverted hermit because I need time to recharge my energy after peopling and before I can fully recharge, I’m invited somewhere else. What has been saving me is remembering “No” is a complete sentence so, I’ve been using what I’ve learned to continue to have my peace. On one of my outings, I stepped way outside of my box of comfort, aka my home, and went to the movies because my childhood is now on the big screen: Barbie®! Grab yourself a beverage of your choice, spirited, caffeinated, or just soothing, and let’s get into it because it was everything to me.
It probably doesn’t come as a surprise to most that I played with Barbie ® dolls when I was a little girl as most young girls did. I say most because I share parents with someone who loathes everything about her and showed her disdain on a regular basis by beheading or removing limbs from my precious dolls. I am a GenXer and a light skinned Black woman and during that time, there were only two shades of the iconic doll: blonde hair with blue eyes or extremely dark with shorter, kinky hair. Yes, I was raised to be a proud, Black child and woman but every little girl wants a doll that looks like her so, my parents bought the blonde one as her skin color was closer to mine. At my young age, I didn’t care because I was able to use my imagination to create a wonderful life for her and Ken and dress her up in her fancy or casual clothes, depending on what the day had in store for her. Yes, my parents also bought me Ken because, well, they’re a couple and you can’t have one without the other.
As you know, I love my daughters with every fiber of my being and can’t explain the level of excitement as well as anxiety I experience when they were old enough to introduce them to
My excitement was because I now had adult money and was able to afford to buy the dream house, her remote-control car, and more clothes than was probably healthy that my parents weren’t able to for me but the anxiety came from the possibility they wouldn’t share the love for her that I did. I will admit it was a little selfish because I used them as my reason to restock my lost collection of dolls and was in awe walking down the aisle and seeing the wide range of shades of the icon and was elated at being able to buy my girls dolls that looked like them. To some, this may not be a big deal but the inclusivity was a huge deal for my inner child who had to choose the doll who was closer to her skin color instead of her true ethnicity. I can’t explain the joy my inner child jumped with when I saw the love for her in the eyes of my children and, I’ve come to learn, she inspired them just as much, if not more than me. My only peeve about my getting them the dolls, clothes, and accessories was the fact she was always naked regardless of how many multi-packs of clothes and shoes were purchased.
I will admit that I used to love going to the movies as it was a full experience with the nice chairs, large over-buttered popcorn with M&Ms ® poured in and just being able to forget about my troubles for about 2 hours but COVID ruined it for me. As much as I hate being around people and their germs, I was excited to go and see my iconic doll on the big screen and not one bit of it disappointed. I went with a male friend of mine who is younger and, well, a guy so he didn’t get why I smiled thru the majority of the movie. My smile was plastered on my face because of the authenticity of the movie, it was as though they took the time to tap into the brains of all little girls and made everything to absolute perfection so, regardless of age, everyone could appreciate what she truly means to us. In speaking to him after the movie, I explained why it meant everything to me and he stated he felt the same about Transformers® and I realized at that moment that, regardless of gender, Hollywood has created movies which speak directly to our inner children and I hope they understand how much that means to us.
While the movie was very light-hearted, cute, and authentic, there was also a deep message which spoke directly to each and every female because we felt seen and understood. I can’t speak on how or if it hits men the same way but I hope it gives them a better understanding of how hard yet wonderful it is to be a female. As little girls, teenage girls, young adult women, and grown women we are faced daily with trying to perfect and maintain the multi-faceted dualities of what’s expected of us and it still never being enough. To give an example, here’s a quote from the movie “You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you!”
The light shone on the struggles of being a woman was damn near blinding but it was also so warm because, finally, someone not only got us but shared it with the world. I would say in this day and age but our appearance, whether drop dead gorgeous, average, or less attractive has always been a gauge on how we’re treated but it’s a double-edged sword because if you’re pretty, other women are threatened by you and fear they will lose their partner to you and, on the other side of that coin, if you’re less attractive, you’re the subject of ridicule and nasty comments. While I will agree that feeling another woman is somehow competition has something to do with your own insecurities, those insecurities were instilled in us at a very young age because the little girl with the perfect curls, new clothes, and brilliant smile seemed to garner more attention from the boys and all the other girls just wanted to be around her because she was pretty. Unfortunately, if you were less attractive or odd looking, no one wanted to be your friend regardless of how pure and wonderful your heart was.
There is also an unrealistic stigma on weight for females which, apparently, doesn’t exist for males because they are content walking on chicken legs with a belly bigger than a woman in her 3rd trimester. It wasn’t until I was having a conversation with my sister did I finally understand this too is a double-edged sword because I was ‘healthier’ and she looked as though my parents never fed her.
While I was never obese, I struggled with my weight because I thought I was supposed to look like my extremely thin sister as I thought she had it easier due to her looking cute in clothes bought from a store that didn’t carry my size. I struggled so much to gain the approval of my mother that I became anorexic and, by the time I got some help, I was 5’7” and weighed a whopping 97 lbs. but I was thin and could finally share my sister’s clothes. Granted, the clothes didn’t look the same on me as they did her because I am not built to be that small, I just looked sick but, in my mind’s eye, I looked good because, again, I was thin. I have since come to learn that she was ridiculed and talked about for being TOO thin! So, let me get this straight, we’re expected to be thin, but not too thin but also have curves but not too many because then we’re deemed as fat so we have to struggle to find the perfect in-between weight, shape, and size regardless of how miserable we are eating a leaf of lettuce with 1 tbs of dressing to maintain said shape?
Wait, who are we doing this for again? Some will say we’re doing it for the attention of men but the reality is we’re also doing it to feel accepted by our own gender and not slandered for having a little pudge.
As empowering as this movie is for females, it seems to have bruised some male egos simply because it empowered women, make it make sense.
So, we can struggle internally with the stupid, unrealistic standards of society but have to remember to stay quiet and never share the struggle with other women to let them know they’re not alone? I think not! Let’s follow in the footsteps and mindset of the icon Barbie® as she was never threatened by a new Barbie®, she embraces all versions of herself with love and acceptance. Regardless of how others have made you feel, you are beautiful inside and out, never stop shining and get comfortable in your skin. Be great, my loves!
