Hey, hey, my Lovelies!! Well, well, would you look here?
We’ve survived another year! Last year, for me, was a lil different because I feel as though so very much happened but, at the same time, not much truly did. I have been very transparent about my healing journey which I finally took seriously and brought you along for the sometimes bumpy ride. My family has experienced a few losses which has taught me that everyone handles death/loss and grieving differently. For the first time in about 4 years, I was able to share the 2 biggest holidays of the year with both of my daughters, one of which turned out to be an absolute dumpster fire and, by the grace of GOD, the other was a lot smoother. I have come to learn a lot about myself as well as those around me and those visuals haven’t always been the prettiest but truly necessary. If you’ve been here for a while, you know I don’t do New Year’s resolutions because I am a little stubborn and don’t like being told what to do even if I made the list so, get comfy while I recap my year!
In the year of 2023, I finally grasped and embraced the setting of and sticking to boundaries and now stand 10 toes deep on them which doesn’t always please those who made setting them necessary but that is no longer my concern because my primary focus is protecting my mental health at all costs. I have also learned and stuck to “No” being a complete sentence and no longer explain why I don’t want to do something, I just don’t and that’s enough for me and will have to be enough for everyone else. I’m not even going to lie, in the beginning I wasn’t able to stand on my No or any of my boundaries because it felt mean and that’s not who I wanted to be but thru healing, I now understand that it’s not being mean, it’s standing up for and protecting myself. The main thing I learned about boundaries is that it’s not someone else’s responsibility to respect them, it’s up to me to enforce them.
Think about it this way, if they were respecting you properly, would you even need to set a boundary? Setting and sticking to a boundary looks like this: if you tell everyone that you don’t respond to text or phone calls after 9 pm and someone calls you at 9:03 pm and you answer, you’ve violated your boundary, not them.
The losses my family has experienced this year may not have been blood related but they were definitely love related and hurt just the same. There was a loss of someone who, for one reason or another, didn’t like me and quite often went out of her way to show just how much she loathed me. Please don’t get it twisted, the feeling was extremely mutual but when she passed, I still wanted to pay my respects for the loss of life. I was questioned many times over why I would want to attend the funeral of someone I couldn’t stand and I simply said, “It’s not about how I felt about her, she was someone’s mother, wife, daughter, sister, grandmother, etc. She meant something to many people and I’d like to pay my respects for her life”. This is a situation where it’s not about someone else’s understanding of why I feel the way I do; it’s about doing what I feel is right and proper within my soul. Paying respect to those who pass is how I was raised and I will never disrespect those who instilled this in me and not show up. I can’t promise to shed a tear but I will be present to pay respect for the loss of life.
Some may know and others may not but I love to bake, it soothes my soul to see others enjoying something I created. I also am of the mindset that if I can’t unbig my back, I’m bigging everyone else’s. This year, I was given the opportunity to expand my baking abilities as I was challenged to create vegan and gluten-free desserts without being able to tell they were missing any key ingredients. I am no stranger to altering desserts as I was married to a diabetic who loved sweets and I wasn’t about to have him slipping into a coma over some banana pudding so I learned how to make various desserts with a sugar substitute without the aftertaste.
Anyone who knows me also knows I don’t back down from a challenge, it actually makes me work harder to be better and I did just that. I won’t lie, my first vegan cake wasn’t the prettiest but dammit was it moist and delicious! I’d gotten away from baking cakes as COVID exposed how gross people can be so I focused on cupcakes so anyone could just take one and go about their business without breathing on, improperly cutting, or touching a whole dessert. I have also prided myself on my buttercream icing which has become such a hit that I did my very first paid baking gig! My Nana would be so proud as she was a baker and that’s where my love of it stems from.
When I began this journey of self-love and healing, I thought I had to totally do away with my inner Regina George by always being the bigger and more understanding person but trying to stifle my DNA only stagnated my healing. I learned that me being the bigger person in every situation wasn’t healthy as those around me just continued to disrespect and hurt me so, the Mean Girl who had been subdued for way too long was finally able to come to the forefront and handle shit accordingly. Embracing her doesn’t necessarily mean it’s how I handle every situation; it simply means she is always on standby to take care of business and no longer allow myself to be a doormat.
In 2023, I learned that I’ve been lied to for the majority of my life and this one hit hard. If there is one thing I truly hate, it’s a liar as I would rather you hurt me with the truth than disrespect me with a lie. Many don’t understand how one lie can snowball and affect every moment moving forward because everything done in the dark comes to light, you can’t do dirt and think you’ll remain clean.
When you lie to someone, you’re basically saying they’re too stupid to know the truth and I’m far from stupid. My Daddy made sure I understood how shit worked but he also taught me to give them the rope but never tie the noose as they will hang themselves on their own. Trying to maneuver thru life knowing what I know and absorbing what I am continuing to learn about the situation will take a lot of healing to move beyond. The healed part of me wants to confront this person with everything I know to be facts but the little girl inside is terrified of the confrontation and aftermath it will cause so, for now I wait for them to stand on the podium and grasp the rope.
In 2023, I fully embraced being free of human disappointment and absolutely refused to let someone’s dusty ass son disturb my peace. I was chastised for being so quick to dismiss someone for what was viewed as a minor infraction but at Fifty-Onederful I don’t have time or patience to overlook the foolishness and ignorance of grown ass males, I will not explain to a grown ass adult what they did wrong, they already know. I am repeatedly asked if I am dating or have a Boo and my answer isn’t changing anytime soon because I matter more right now. Do I want companionship? Sure, who doesn’t? But I’m not willing to put up with the unnecessary bullshit to have someone to cuddle with, that’s not a fair trade to me anymore. I have put up with way too much from those who either aren’t capable of loving me as I deserve or simply didn’t know how to handle the authenticity of my love and it’s their loss, not mine because I am a Queen worthy of everything who won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.
I’ve not been as present here with my blogs as I should be and truly slacked on any other writing project but in this year of 2024 that’s all changing as I have a lot to say and can do it better thru written word. My challenge to myself is to write at least 2 of the books I have in my mind to completion and publish them as I wasn’t given this gift for no reason and it’s time to shine as my ancestors’ wildest dream come true.
I am wishing you all the happiest, most prosperous, and peaceful year you’ve ever been blessed to experience. With the losses we experienced in 2023, it makes Tomorrow isn’t promised hit that much harder. This year, take a chance on the experiences which make your heart flutter with fear and anxiety as those are the ones worth taking. Be great my loves!
