Welp, it’s over, he’s not going to be your forever, for one reason or another, it just didn’t work. What’s your next move? Your first instinct may be to “bust the windows out his car”, scratch the paint, burn his clothes on the front lawn, bad mouth him on social media or even go to his job and cuss him out in front of his peers and co-workers. Getting locked up, having charges and a restraining order filed against you which will, in turn, cause you financial issues due to your newly acquired record, and ruining your reputation by coming out of character is not the way to start the healing process from heart break. So, put “Hot Sauce” away, put on some comfy clothes, get some junk food, turn on Netflix, get comfy on the couch and let it out. It’s normal and necessary to cry, Babes, you need to release that pain, it is a loss, start grieving, just don’t unpack and stay there. The tears come from the disappointment you may feel from the fact you thought this was going to be “the one” or your “happily ever after” and now? BAM! You’re single again.
Break ups happen, some hurt more than others because there may have been some form of cheating or abuse by someone you trusted with every essence of your being. This could be in the form of emotional or physical, both hurt and cut deeply causing damage to your self-esteem and ego, having you feeling as though you aren’t good enough. Although we carry these scars for the rest of our lives, we always have the option of whether we will become bitter or grow and be better. #choices
Here’s my question to you: Why you mad tho? Yes, you’re hurting, feeling betrayed, trust is broken and faith in people is shook, promises weren’t lived up to, your weaknesses were used against you, they weren’t who you thought they were. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to throat punch them for making you cry and breaking your heart, it’s a knee jerk reaction, we want to inflict pain on those who hurt us, it’s completely normal. Having these feelings of hate, animosity and even violence are somewhat normal in the beginning! When you begin to carry these feelings of hate and wanting to make this person’s life miserable months and years out? That’s far from normal and causing you to carry around unnecessary negativity, pain, anger and resentment.
How can you lead a normal life and find some semblance of happiness if you are still mad a relationship didn’t work out 10 months ago? Do you think he’s affected by you calling him all types of names to your friends? Do you think he lays awake at night feeling your pain? It doesn’t matter if he’s hurting or not, his pain is not going to take yours away, it is yours to deal with and heal from. Yes, you loved him and he hurt you. Many nights have been spent crying yourself to sleep, over analyzing what went wrong, not realizing, even if things been handled differently, it’s the past and he still wouldn’t be there. Sorry to break it to you, no matter what you did or how things could have been done differently, they weren’t and he wasn’t the one and not meant to be your forever. So, I’ll ask again, why you mad tho?
Too many times, people go to extremes with their hurt, which has now turned in to anger and rage, and cause damage that can’t be reversed or undone. So, you and your child’s father didn’t work out and he has moved on, why do the children need to be affected and made to feel they have to hate that parent as well? The fact the 2 of you didn’t work out as a couple means now you work that much harder as parents and doing what’s best for the child who didn’t ask to be here. No child should be made to suffer because you’re in your feelings, the issues between 2 adults is the reason the relationship is history. There are so many parents who want and try to be involved in their child’s life but the other parent is still hurting, angry, and bitter and uses the child as a pawn to make that other person hurt. Who’s the one who suffers the most? Yes, the child and for what? Because your ex didn’t turn out to be the person you thought they were? Yeah, that’s fair…………………seriously, why you mad tho?
Another, yet common, extreme reaction to a break up is sleeping with multiple people thinking it will do 1 of 3 things: help you heal faster, “To get over someone, get under someone else”, believe he will learn of it and hurt because you are sharing yourself with other guys, making him feel insignificant or have him begging you to take him back. NEWSFLASH! None of these will work at all. There will be no healing if you don’t take the time to deal with the pain of the loss, it will still be there no matter how many people you’ve been with, it doesn’t go away until you’ve acknowledged it, grieved and put yourself back together better than before you even met them. Going on dates will boost your ego temporarily because you feel desired and are getting attention from a man for a few hours on a date but when he’s not there, here come the tears of the pain you’ve tried to suppress and deny. Your heart will still hurt and yearn for your ex.
Why are you mad? You’re mad because you didn’t get an apology from someone who hurt you or there was no closure, it just ended or because you feel foolish for believing they would change and be better for you. Sometimes, you just have to accept the fact you will never receive that apology and move on with your life. Staying stuck in this moment of pain and questions of “why” will only make you a miserable person, never seeing the wonderful things life, this world and other people have to offer you.
Life is about choices, every choice you make creates your Karma, good or bad. If you choose to be bitter and destructive, that’s all you will encounter but if you choose to see the positive in all people, things and situations, your life will be abundantly rich with goodness and happy feelings. So, put on your big girl panties and choose to learn and grow from this experience, if you don’t, you’ll stay stuck and miss out on “the one” who will be your ”happily ever after”, you deserve it, we all do!