Well, it’s another Friday night and you’re sitting in the house, no plans and totally content with your own company. You scroll thru social media and see friends’ posts of their active social lives and remember when this was you, when you were out every free evening you had drinking and socializing, living it up. Now, here you sit on the couch, in your sweats, munching on popcorn, watching movies or reality tv and fall asleep before 10 o’clock.
What’s happened to you? When did you become this hermit who only leaves the house to go to work or run errands? Where did your social life go? When’s the last time you actually went on a date or to a happy hour?
A bad relationship is usually the main culprit which causes us to retreat into our shells, shutting out the world and whatever it has to offer because it’s the people and situations within the world which caused our pain and soured us. A soured relationship could be romantic, friend 
or even familial. When there’s strife within any of those, the pain we feel is so deep because they’re all attached to our hearts which we try so hard to protect. Once we’ve been hurt or betrayed by someone we love, a wall begins to be erected around our heart and fear of being hurt again only solidifies that wall, making it harder for us to let anyone else in ever again.
The problem is, 9 times out of 10, we don’t even realize this wall is being built and try time and time again to carry on some semblance of healthy relationships but are unable to let anyone close to us again out of fear of losing yet another piece of our hearts and our hearts shattering completely.
In speaking with a friend, he shared with me he no longer knows how to court someone, he lost interest in even trying after he lost someone close to him and he’s more content with staying in the house than risking meeting someone new. The thing is this, we all need love in our lives, not just the love from our children or families, we need that romantic love, the one that makes us feel complete. Romantic love touches places in your soul which make you feel alive and as though life is worth living, without it, we’re merely existing each day.
Now, I know some of you will say “I don’t need anybody, I love myself and that’s all I need” and that statement is true and vital, you must love yourself in order for someone else to come in and love the real you. But putting on the facade of being happy and not needing or even wanting anyone long enough, makes you realize you’re not, you’re lonely and broken but it feels safer not to care than to try.
When you don’t take time to heal your wounds and past pains, you’re not whole or even open to fully accepting all love and life have to offer. A very good friend of mine once told me “Two half people don’t make for a whole relationship, it only makes for a f*cked up situation”. It took me a minute to comprehend what she was saying but then it clicked, if I’m damaged, I’m only able to give half of myself and when I meet someone in the same situation, how is that relationship successful? We end up spending more time fighting our own demons, blaming each other, arguing about petty things, and lacking trust in them all because of the pain someone else caused and left behind than we are connecting and loving one another. These unresolved issues will only grow deeper and deeper, building a wall between the 2 of you and eventually be the demise of what could have been a good relationship had you both taken a little more time to heal.
I will be the first to admit I want love in my life, I deserve it dammit and I know I’m not alone in my desire! We all want those good morning and good night texts which let us know we’re the first thing on their mind when their eyes open and the last thing on their mind before they close them, we want dinner and movie dates or just sitting in the house binging on junk food while watching movies or football on a Sunday afternoon snuggled with him, we want someone to go to museums/family gatherings/walks in the park with, someone to be our silly selves with, that one person whose hug puts all our broken pieces back together. 
We can want and desire this all day long but if we’re not doing anything to get it, what’s the point? How will you ever receive any of this by being a hermit? You’re not actually protecting yourself, you’ve just shut down and given up on any possibility of it actually happening. Wanting without action only deepens the void of love within us.
The reason so many of us are so unhappy and unfulfilled in our love lives is because we are letting fear dominate love and those 2 emotions cannot co-exist in the same space. While love is may be the stronger of the 2, fear is the easier one to give in to because if you fear something, you just won’t do it, there’s a sense of control but not with love. No matter how much you try to fight it, love is uncontrollable and many of don’t like that feeling of not being in control of every emotion and aspect of our lives. Sweetie, it’s time to loosen that grip 
and give in to love or just begin with giving in to the possibility of liking someone and letting them get to know you, if it doesn’t work out? It just doesn’t work out and you can move forward knowing that at least you tried. My parents always taught me that nothing beats a failure but a try, if you don’t try, you’ve already failed.
The issue with finding that love is being willing to take the risk to meet someone, to let them in to that once bright, shining, welcoming space of your undamaged heart which has now darkened from the damage it’s sustained. Here’s my question to you: What’s the worst that can happen? Say you actually get dressed in something other than lounge wear/sweats, go out one evening and see someone who’s easy on the eyes, do you dare strike up a conversation with them or do you continue to sip your drink alone, satisfied with the fact you left the house? 
I’ll ask again, what’s the worst that could happen if you engaged in a conversation with him? Will you die? Will anyone close to you die? No? Well, seriously, what do you have to lose? If there’s no connection and he’s a dullard, eh so what, you’re not married or committed to him, he’s someone you met at a bar and can just as quickly and easily get in your car, go home and put your sweats back on. Reality is, you have to be willing to at least try because, no matter how perfect they are? I can guarantee you this: they’re not going to come knocking on your door and sweep you off your slippered feet,
no matter how cute they are.
You don’t have to come on to or engage in conversation with every attractive person you see or approaches you, all you have to do is be open to the possibility of meeting someone with the understanding it may not be a love connection the first time out. If you’re in your hermit mindset, you’re closed off and others can feel and sense it and will never approach you. Crawl out that shell and experience what the world around you has to offer, go to a comedy show or an exhibit, I promise, you’ll begin to feel your pieces coming back together and the pool of possibilities deepen. All that matters is for you to get out there and try, your Boo is waiting for you, go get ’em!
