There comes a point in time in everyone’s life when the pressures of life and expectations are too much to bear. The pressure of being perfect at all times is more than one can bear and a heavy load to carry. When that pressure gets to be too much, we retreat to the place which gives us the most comfort, our dark place.
That dark place is more familiar to some than it is to others and some seek professional help because they can no longer find joy in the simplest things in life. When you can’t find your way out of the funk or it last for more than a couple days, there’s a chance you’re experiencing mild depression. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it happens to the strongest of people.
Depression has been such a taboo subject in families of all races and nationalities for centuries, it carries the label of shame which is why so many suffer alone and in silence. Having to deal with depression alone only makes it that much worse because you already feel bad about yourself for not being able to handle life and now you have no one to talk to about it without paying for therapy. Our loved ones care about us but, if they haven’t personally dealt with our degree of depression, they are unable to empathize and understand why you burst out in tears and retreat to your private space or seem to be snippy and in an argumentative mood. When you’re depressed, sometimes it sneaks up on you and you can’t truly figure out what’s wrong which makes it that much harder to talk about.
The hard reality is that no one is exempt from suffering from depression, it doesn’t discriminate. The people we look at who have the least also tend to be the happiest because they are appreciative for everything they have. Whereas, some of the richest people are the most miserable because no amount of material possessions fill that void which makes them feel unfulfilled with life. Depression could be spawned by the ending of a relationship or losing a job and wondering how you’ll survive from day to day or the anniversary of the death of a loved one. Your genetic makeup can also be a contributing factor, in this instance, it’s more of chemical imbalance which is triggered by certain experiences. I will own and admit I have suffered from serious bouts of depression and did so silently, without anyone close to me even knowing. Being an introvert, no one took notice or concern when I stayed to myself because that was my usual behavior.
I feel like I am the poster child for therapy because I’ve had many stints over the course of my life and sitting down talking to a therapist never got me out of my funks. What I gained from therapy was an understanding of how my thoughts about things that were happening were controlling me and how to take that power back. I learned the hard way, medication is not always the answer to resolving depression, it is not a cure, it merely puts a band-aid on the problem by numbing your emotions. There was a point in my life when the meds I was on just made me emotionally numb, I was unable to smile, cry, be happy, sad or even get angry. 
I realized, not only did my daughters deserve much more from me, I also deserved to feel life. They deserved a mother who got joy from seeing them happy and hearing them laugh so I got off my meds to be the best mother and person I could be and haven’t looked back.
When you’re depressed, you feel hopeless and as though you are a burden on others, you get trapped in your own head of negativity and it feels as though there is no way out. This is where mental strength and determination need to come in to play, getting out of depression is an inside job, no one can get you out but you. Trust me, when you’re in those dark periods, it’s hard to get out because all you think of are the things you’ve done wrong, could have done differently or better and maybe, just maybe things would have turned out differently for you. The reality is this, there is no “UNDO” button in life, we can’t go back and change the past, all we can do is acknowledge, learn from it and move forward with the life we have been blessed with. Everything that happens in your life occurs to grow you into the strong, wonderful being HE created you to be, take a moment and celebrate.
If you’ve never suffered from true depression, it’s hard to empathize when someone close to you is going through it. I’ll share some tips on how to be there for someone who’s going thru a dark period in their lives:
- Sometimes we just need someone there while we cry, we don’t need to talk about anything, just cry. If you can’t handle seeing someone cry, please don’t offer your shoulder for their tears.
- Understand we are not looking for anyone to fix the situation or solve the problem, there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s our cross to bear.
- Please don’t give your opinion unless it is asked for. Now, I know this is hard for most of us because we feel like we can see the solution and want to share to help our loved one but it’s not always welcome.
- Just listen, sometimes all we need is a sounding board or someone to vent to who will just nod and say, “I see” “Mmm hmm, then what”? It doesn’t even matter how wrong we may have been, sometimes we just need to say it out loud to understand our actions to move past it.
- If you can’t separate your personal feelings from the situation and listen without judging, please don’t offer your time or ear. The last thing needed is being judged when we already feel lower than dirt.
- Retail therapy always helps. Drinking, not so much. Alcohol is a depressant and will only intensify the depression and make us sadder.
- Be present, when you are around them, be there with and for them in the capacity which they allow you to be. Sitting in the same room with them doesn’t count if you’re paying more attention to your phone than your loved one.
There may be other ways you’ve helped your loved one thru their darker periods and I encourage you to keep up the good work. There are so many scriptures and sayings of encouragement that we already know and all I suggest is for you to refer back to them when things seem bleak. The most important aspect I hope you gain from this is you are not alone, if you ever need an ear, sounding board or even shoulder to cry on? I’m here for you because I know what it’s like to suffer alone and wouldn’t want anyone else to go thru that. Understand you are bigger and better than whatever is intimidating, scaring or hurting you.
Take my hand, put on those hot ass shoes and let’s walk out of the darkness together. 