As most of you know, I am single, was once married but have since divorced the father of my two beautiful daughters and very fortunate to be very good friends with my Wasband. Now that we have that out of the way, would someone please explain to me what this new-fangled dating stuff is all about because a sista is truly lost when it comes to dating.
I’ve been on the dating scene for a couple years and it’s so different than prior to being married. The little bit of experience I’ve had dating is truly disappointing, depressing and discouraging which is why I’m still single. Some will call me a prude because I don’t go on one date and proceed to jump in bed with some nearly unknown guy, I’m looking and am worth so much more than a quick lay and so are you.
When did dating become all about sex first with the possibly getting to know each other later? I stepped out on a limb and followed the advice of a friend to give a particular guy a chance. I figured since he was older than me, he would have his stuff together and, for the most part, he actually did! However, just because he was over 50 years old with a steady and stable career, his own house, easy on the eyes, and actually a gentlemen…………………on the outside doesn’t mean he’s a keeper. When we had our first real date, he held my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, “We need to have sex to get it out of the way and get to know each other”. Ummm, wait, hold up, WHAT? 
Okay, if this is the “new” dating, I’ll be that spinster cat lady because I am not settling for nonsense such as that. I do not care how much money you have, how big your house is, or how many other women would love to date you, if you can’t show me respect, please step to the left because you are blocking my real Boo.
For me, taking a woman out on a date means actually planning it yourself from beginning to end; this is the way to gain my attention. I am in no way stating you need to spend a whole lot of money to pull this off because the best dates can cost under $15 but so many are worried about getting in our panties they believe the more they spend, the greater their chance of getting laid is. While this method may work for some, it doesn’t work for all of us, sorry, not sorry.
Men have stopped trying because women have stopped demanding something other than a nice dinner in order to give up the goods. The funny thing is? Most women don’t even know what a good, get laid dinner is! Taking a woman to the Cheesecake Factory is not a get laid worthy meal. 
Women have become so strong and had to learn to do things on their own that any sort of romantic effort by men is seen as weak and inferior. Both genders have been so hurt and damaged by each other we either don’t appreciate the effort nor do we bother to put it forth to make another person feel special. I’ve sat with my friends as we discuss the crappy dates we’ve had to endure with men who don’t appreciate us for who we are. I’m blessed to have the people in my circle I do but am saddened this lazy dating is happening way too often to too many good people.
However, all females are not like me and my friends and expect a man to go into debt to impress them with an extravagant date, believing the more he spends means the more he cares. This is so far beyond the truth but society has tainted our image of what courting and wooing a member of the opposite sex should consist of. I am very old school and believe a man should pursue a woman he is interested in but that’s not how society works nowadays. In present day, a guy wants a woman to approach him, buy him drinks and ask him out on a date. Huh? When did the roles do a 180? When did men stop being men and approaching women they’re interested in?
A girlfriend of mine got so tired of the lackluster effort being put forth by men, she actually created a Facebook page about it entitled: How to Date DC. She shares a multitude of ideas on inexpensive, sometimes free, ideas on dating with your heart and mind instead of your hormones. There are so many females who would prefer the bad boy who treats them like garbage that the good guys don’t even try anymore because they’ve been called corny or weak for believing taking a walk on the National Mall on a spring/summer evening was romantic and sweet.
HEY! Don’t listen to Fun’quisha! That is a good date and means more than a lobster dinner at a fancy restaurant. In this day and age, if a man is not driving a certain, high dollar car, wearing name brand everything with his pants hanging off his ass and has an ignorant demeanor, majority of females don’t want them. Can I just say I’m glad I’m grown and not in my 20’s anymore because I don’t find a guy whose jeans are tighter than mine sexy? Okay, I digress.
To me, the best dates are the ones where you take a nice walk in a scenic area, usually near water, where you can talk and get to know each other. See, I’m not a foodie so some fancy restaurant won’t impress me. If you want to impress me, take me to ColdStone so I can get my favorite ice cream and eat it while we talk. May not always be pretty but dammit, I’m happy!
GASP! Calm down, yes, I said TALK to one another. The further advanced technology becomes, the further we grow apart from one another, people are now breaking up via text message! They don’t have the cojones to speak to them face to face and break up with them, showing some semblance of dignity and the respect they truly deserve.
The art of dating has been lost in communication as well. When is the last time you actually spoke to someone on the phone every day? We are so technologically advanced we don’t know how to communicate, phone calls have been replaced by text messages or liking a status your loved one has posted. When was the last time you actually hand-wrote a letter to someone you care about? Yes, email and text are faster but they’re so cold and impersonal. When you take the time to pen a letter or even a card to someone, your love is in each stroke, you can’t say the same about an email or text.
Ladies, please don’t believe I’m speaking only to men right now, we have to do better as well. Men stop putting in the effort when they feel it’s going unappreciated. Even though I kind of demand the door be opened for me by the man I am with, I still say “Thank You” each and every time. When was the last time you planned a date with or even told your Boo how much you appreciate them?
Too many of us sit around all day, month and year waiting for our mate to plan every outing for us, never putting forth the effort to even make a suggestion. Do you not think they get tired of always planning each and every detail, hoping you’ll be pleased enough with their effort you might actually put some forth? As harsh as this is going to sound, it’s not always all about you and it’s even less about you when you’re in a relationship with another person.
Get it together and start making suggestions and planning outings that you know they like and will make them feel special because you expect no less from them, right?
I know it’s terrifying to be vulnerable with another person, you feel as though you’ll look like a corny, weak fool for doing something sweet. Trust me, there are people who appreciate the effort and will match it as long as they feel it’s appreciated. 
We all boast about being Kings and Queens but how are you ever going to find your royal partner if you’re giving up the most sacred part of yourself for a meal or some drinks? Let’s get back to courting and letting each other know we’re deserving of taking our time to actually get to know one another outside of the bedroom, you have so much more to offer than what rests between your legs; you have intellect, heart and passion for life. Being intimate is actually has nothing to do with sex, it’s about connecting on a mental, intellectual, spiritual and emotional level. So, check out my girlfriend’s page: How to Date DC get some ideas of what to do around town for next to nothing financially but everything emotionally. Go on out there and find yourself your Boo and woo their socks off!