My Inspirations

Hey, hey, Lovelies! How many times have you been minding your business and you see someone walk by looking absolutely fabulous and decide to let their fashion sense inspire a change in your own? Well, I’ve tried to step out of my box and add more colors and patterns but I am a confirmed two-color-Annie and feel uncomfortable in busy clothes. As I go thru my daily life, I understand you can find inspiration anywhere such as someone’s work ethic, their generosity, or just their laid-back nature. Today, I am going to share what it is about those in my life who inspire and give me the strength to keep going no matter how dark and dismal life may seem.

I come from a long line of extremely strong and proud women who inspire me in every facet of life and make me want to be and do better as, not just a woman but, a human being. Some of you may be aware but most probably aren’t that I have had a very strained relationship with my mother for decades. Yes, yes, I know, I only get one but I’m very strong willed and was determined to have things on my terms. Take a guess how that’s worked out for me.

I’m blessed to say that we’ve both taken the steps to work on and make our relationship better and healthy as we’re both getting older……..well, her more than I (still not claiming that 5-0 til April). My mother’s strength is truly unmeasurable because she has endured enormous amounts of pain, heartbreak, and strife over the course of her life but you’d never be able to tell it from looking at her. My mother endured physical abuse at the hands of my father and stayed with him in the hopes it wouldn’t happen again and the love they shared would make him stop.

To save her own life, my mother did the unthinkable and left without her reasons for staying: me and my sister. Since the issues were between the two of them, she felt leaving us in the only home we’d ever known because she knew he wouldn’t harm us and, he never did. I can’t imagine the pain she endured being separated from her babies but she did what she had to do to be around to watch us grow up. My mother put the shattered pieces of her life back together, found a place of her own, and regained custody of us while working her way up the career ladder until she became management in her company.

My mother has always been the epitome of a classy woman to me as she never had a hair out of place, carries herself with dignity, demands respect from all who encounter her, and stops at nothing to make sure my sister and I have everything we need, even if that means she goes without. For the longest time, I thought my sister and mother got along so well because they were so much alike but that’s not the full truth. You see, just as there are different versions of ourselves we share with different people, there are different versions of my mother and she is who she is with me because she knows that’s the Mommie I need to be who I am. Honestly? For so the longest time, I craved the carefree relationship she and my sister share but now realize the one we share is the one I need to be the best version of myself. I have always gotten the strict, strait-laced version of my mother which caused me to emulate her demeanor and behavior because it’s truly who I am at my core and only my mother recognized that as a mother knows and understands her children as no one else ever could. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and say that I’m living my mother’s life as my marriage ended in divorce, causing me to be a single mother and struggling to maintain my sanity and feed my children. I can narrow down one way my mother inspires me because her entire being is the reason I strive to be the best version of myself I can offer the world as I want to always make her proud with my actions.

I speak all the time of how big of an asshole my sister is and, she truly is but, GOD forbid, anything happens to her and I will be no good. My sister has been the only constant thing in my life for its entirety. When our parents were going thru their shit, it was her who came to comfort me, pushing her own fears and feelings aside to make sure I was okay. Sure, she tortured me but she was only fulfilling her role as a big sister and, boy, did she ever take that role seriously!

My sister and I are as different as night and day, existing on total opposite ends of the spectrum and weren’t close growing up because, well, duh, she was my tormenter and I kind of hated her for a while. While it’s true we weren’t close, I would have dared anyone to make a move to harm or insult me because before they had a chance, she’d be in their face ready to beat the brakes off of them and she’s still that feisty and ready to fight for me. There is a 2.5-year age difference between the two of us but she took on the role of a 2^nd mother when our parents split up and we bounced between two houses and she continues mothering me to this day.

I am inspired by my sister’s strength as she chose to be a single mother even though she never even planned to have children and my nephew is such a handsome, well-rounded, respectful young man thanks to her guidance and upbringing of him. My sister and I don’t always agree on child-rearing practices and it took a minute for her to understand what worked for my nephew was not going to work on my girls but she eventually got it and showed me more respect as their mother. When I fell on extremely hard financial times, my sister didn’t bat an eye and took care of me and my girls, putting aside her dreams for home ownership to make sure our lights stayed on. I have spoken of the fear of her being taken from me via breast cancer but cancer is no match for the strength of my sister as she fought with everything she had to beat it while smiling and laughing thru the pain of chemo. I know my sister has gone thru hell but she’d never share the details as to not burden or worry me, she is my protector in every sense of the word. She has a sort of 6^th sense when it comes to me because whenever I’ve been going thru something, she drops whatever she’s doing and makes her way to be by my side, regardless of distance or time. This is not only true for me, she is there in the same capacity for my daughters, before I even have a chance to ask, she’s making plans to take off work to be there when I can’t.

I may talk a lot of shit about my sister but she is my person, the one I can stay on video chat with for hours and never run out of things to talk about, the first one I call when I have some tea, the one I go to for advice, and, essentially, my hero and best friend. When we lost our father, I never saw her shed a tear because her focus was on being strong for me so I could break because she knew it would be even harder on me if I saw her breaking as well. My sister is my external bravery, giving me the courage to do things I’d never do on my own but with her by my side, I can do anything.

While there are so many women in my lineage who inspire me, I wanted to take a moment to thank my Mommie and Sisser for inspiring, teaching, and guiding me to be the Queen I am today. Without their strength and examples of how to make it in this world, I couldn’t begin to fathom who, where, or how I would be. These marvelous women inspire me to be a proud, strong, respectful, and independent grown ass woman. I admire them for everything they and do because none of what they do is intentional or for kudos of any sort, it’s just who they naturally are and that’s the most beautiful thing about them.

I’m sure you have someone in your life who inspires you and I ask that you take a moment to let them know as I’m sure it will mean the world to them.

I love you Mommie and Feesher, thank you for being you and all you do for me and the girls.