Hey, my Lovelies. As I was sitting at work today, my daughter text me to inform me that a well-loved celebrity had passed away. This individual wasn’t your typical celebrity as we watched him start from the bottom on So You Think You Can Dance and it took him more than one time to make it to the finals. I will be the first to admit that I’m not usually impressed with some of the latest dances as most look foolish but this artist was captivating because his personality lit up the room more than his crisp dance moves. He was a street/hip hop dancer but had the determination and drive to be so much more and he was. He went on to the semi-finals which opened the doors to movies, television, and choreography for some of the biggest names in music. He met his wife on the set of the show and they share 3 beautiful children. My heart breaks having to type that he took his life at the young age of 40 years old. From the outside looking in, it appeared he had everything anyone could dream to have but inside, he wasn’t okay.
Stories like this are why I speak so much on the importance of mental health and understanding it’s okay not to be okay but, it’s not okay to stay stuck there alone. Yes, I know it’s easier for some to say than for it to actually be done but I’ve been there more than once. I don’t know about you but I wasn’t raised to know it was okay not to be okay, I was raised to push thru any issues and get on with life because I had shit to do. I don’t fault anyone in my upbringing who taught me to do this as they were none the wiser as it’s what they were taught to handle trials and tribulations in their lives. So many times, we look at our elders and all we see is strength because they pushed thru every dark period of their lives because they had shit to do, no one ever took the time to ask, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?” or suggest they take a day or few to themselves to refill their empty cup. My elders weren’t raised to know they could take a moment to handle their mental health, taking a break when things got heavy was a sign of weakness and it’s still that way with some people today.
To some, choosing suicide is a very selfish act and, to a degree, they are absolutely correct because of the pain caused to those we leave behind with so many unanswered questions and possible guilt. In my opinion, it is viewed as selfish by those who’ve never been to the point where you just want the internal pain to stop, you want the sadness to lift, you want the thoughts of unworthiness to stop, you want to be able to just cry but can’t because you have others looking up to you for your strength and smile. As I stated before, yes, I’ve been at the point I didn’t want to exist anymore and thought about how I would do it but there were a couple of things which stopped me: #1 going to hell for eternity and #2 I couldn’t do that to my Daddy, Mommie, sister and, later in life, my daughters as I knew it would have absolutely destroyed them. My statement is not to negate the fact that there are many who have loved ones who are destroyed by their sudden absence but, trust me, it does get that bad sometimes where you feel as though you’re doing them a favor by unaliving yourself.
We are all busy with our daily lives but that doesn’t mean we can’t take a moment to just check in on those we love and care about because many are dealing with these types of thoughts and just hearing your voice can bring them back from the brink. If you don’t know what it’s like to wake up every day unable to find anything to spark joy in your heart as a dark cloud hovers over your entire being while you struggle to just exist and function with a semblance of normalcy, consider yourself lucky and blessed. What most don’t understand is that the one person in your life who always goes out of their way to make others laugh and smile or ensure they’re taken care of is the person who is struggling the most. The one who is always looking out for others does so to ease their darkness as seeing others smile and feel loved is enough to get them through another day.
The harsh reality is that we can spend every waking hour with someone and never see their pain because they don’t want to burden you with what they deem as insignificant worries and troubles. When you’re in a dark place, you feel worthless and as though no one would care what you’re going thru as they would only point out all the great things you have going for you. No amount of money or material things will soothe a hurting spirit and, most times, you can’t put into words what is wrong because you yourself don’t know, you just know you’re not okay.
While it is okay not to be okay, it’s not okay to suffer in silence and alone. I understand you may feel as though you don’t have anyone to talk to and that’s fine, grab a pen and some paper and write it out, you’ll be amazed how cathartic it is to just get it out. I do not have the all the answers on how to get from under the dark cloud as everyone’s journey is different, I can only speak on what has worked for me with the understanding it can change at any given time and I’ll have to make adjustments to pull myself back up. Your mental health is your responsibility as no one lives in your head and thoughts but you. If you feel yourself stuck in the darkness and as though nothing is going your way, make that brave move and find someone to speak with, preferably a professional as your friends and family aren’t trained in the way to help you thru this and their love for you will make them biased and you’ll fake being okay so they don’t worry.
If no one told you today, I am proud of you for how far you’ve come even if you’re not where you want to be, you’re not where you were. Be great, my Loves.
