Hey my Lovelies! Yes, I know, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything but with new work responsibilities comes less time to sit with my thoughts. If I’m being totally honest, there was a stretch when I wasn’t okay but am so very happy to say that, at this moment, I’m good. During my not so okay moments, I had time to go internal and check myself in areas that shouldn’t be affected by the ignorance of others or even myself and it was reiterated how different we all are in every facet of life, regardless if we are raised in the same household or become best friends or lovers. It doesn’t matter the subject at hand and it’s usually not a loud, screaming difference which makes us feel we’re alike when we may just have a similar upbringing or mindset due to life experiences.
I speak often of how single I am but also how comfortable I am in my status but I’ve come to learn that how I’m choosing to be single doesn’t resemble what others think it should be. First and foremost, unless someone is providing at least 2 of the essential F’s in my life, that opinion doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. I have chosen to take time to learn who I am at this stage of my life and heal from all the bullshit I’ve put myself thru by being involved with individuals who didn’t know how to love and appreciate me. I have never been the type to get under someone to get over someone else, it is just not in me, I’m not emotionally built like that but I know quite a few people who jump from situationship to situationship to avoid feeling the pain of a broken relationship. If you are someone who is able to share your body without emotional attachment, more power to you and I wish you nothing but hookups without heartbreak.
When I say I don’t have time, tolerance, or patience for bullshit, I mean it with every fiber of my being because I am quick to dismiss or ghost someone when I see the first red flag as I’ve loved people thru them and ended up empty and broken as I poured and poured everything I had into someone who didn’t feel the need or desire to pour into me. Apparently, me being this way is taboo and some believe I should put up with foolishness that doesn’t sit right with me as to no longer be single like it’s a disease and the only way to survive is having a partner, shitty or not. Due to my readiness to quickly be done with someone after that first ick, I was recently told “That’s why you can’t keep a man”. Ummm, ‘scuze me?
Were there times in my life when I thought I needed to be in some sort of relationship, regardless of how shitty and uncommitted it was, just not to be alone because it made me feel more inadequate as a woman to be single? Yep, there sure were but that was then and healing me is not having that shit anymore. I used to hold onto people who weren’t worthy of me with a white knuckled grip and still cried myself to sleep on a regular basis because my heart was constantly breaking and they didn’t care as I always made myself available to and for them. The reality is, you don’t ‘keep’ anyone, people stay for a number of reasons and the harsher reality is most of those reasons aren’t because they are so in love with you.
I’ve come to learn and realize from my own experiences, as well as watching others, that people stay together more out of convenience and comfort than love. How many times have you heard someone say, “It’s just easier to stay because we’ve been together for so long” or “It’s cheaper to keep her” or “I’m comfortable”? I refuse to settle with someone for the mere fact we have a financially comfortable lifestyle or because I don’t feel like having to get to know someone new, I want to be in love with my best friend as we continue to grow and build together and others feel our happiness just from being around our energy. If we’re just getting to know one another and red flags pop up, what the hell is going to happen if I ignore the flags and move forward, do you really think they’re going to just *POOF* disappear? Hell no, they’re going to multiply and I’ll mentally be back at square 1 and I can’t be Big Bertha’s bitch while sporting unflattering prison orange because I kirked out and was violent with someone’s dusty ass son, I am healing, not yet healed.
It all comes down to what works for you and being okay with it not meshing with other people but more importantly, we have to respect one another’s choice and not judge or criticize how they choose to heal and live. Some may find it difficult to believe but I remain silent about a lot I see and don’t agree with as that’s their choice. Trust me, it’s not easy keeping my mouth shut because I am very opinionated and protective of those I care about but having had more unwarranted opinions about my choices voiced to me than necessary and never wanting to create stress, drama, and tension with someone I care about makes it easier to just not say anything.
If you’re single and choose to be a hermit? Do you. If you are single and choose to THOT it out every once in a while? Do you and them. I say all of this to say, do what works for you, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make your heart soar or someone who’s breathing makes rage rise up in you or settle for someone just not to be single because you’ll be absolutely miserable and that’s no way to spend your life at any age. I believe everyone’s person is out there and own that I probably ghosted mine at some point and that’s fine because I am loving me. Your relationship status doesn’t define you and defines you less if you’re in one for the wrong reasons. Be great my loves!
