Hey, my Lovelies! Not too long ago, I spoke on red flags when dating at our age and I’d like to continue that conversation as I seem to have recognize and collect a couple more. Now, when I speak of these dating red flags, I can truly only speak from my perspective as what scrapes my soul may soothe yours and vice versa, I’m just sharing my take on the bullshit covered in perfume others are attempting to serve me. Go grab that spirited beverage, get comfy, and let’s get into it.

Being a mother, whose daughters are the only reason she is still on this earth, I refuse to deal with someone who is a parent but makes no effort in seeing, bonding, or even talking to their offspring. I’m not even going to ask for anyone to help me understand this behavior because, to me, it’s unacceptable. Yes, I get that the other half of their DNA is a total waste of skin but, what’s that got to do with the children? Oh, the other parent is difficult? So what! It is such an oxymoron to say you love your children but haven’t seen them in years. I’ve said it before and will keep repeating it until the dumb asses in the back hear me:

no child asked to be here, it is your responsibility to do everything in your power to not make them feel like a burden. There was a point and time you were a child who didn’t ask to be here and, yes, you may have an absent parent as well but, how does that make you feel? Having an absent parent in your life growing up made you turn your back on your own seeds because you survived with only one parent? If you have seeds you don’t see, nurture, and pour into, forget my face and existence as I’ve already forgotten yours.

Next is time and the unwillingness to make it for me. Look, I am not asking for you to be up under me 24/7 as I fear that would turn into a homicide situation and prison orange is not my color. When I am interested in someone, I want to spend time getting to know them and, I’ll refer to the age-old adage of, you make time for what you want. I understand collectively we are busy taking care of business on professional and personal levels as well as having some alone down time, I’d never interfere with that as I treasure my own.

To me, if you are not making time to see me, you are not interested and this has now become 1 sided which means, it’s time for me to reclaim my time. It is very unattractive for anyone to feel as though they have to chase you when you clearly showed interest.

What is so hard about taking someone on an actual date? Yes, I am aware that inflation is kicking our asses right now which is why I wouldn’t suggest breaking the bank on a single date as there are plenty of things to do that don’t cost money. I will also admit that I miss dressing up and going somewhere fancy but also have the understanding it’s not an every date type of situation.

Hell, invite me over or suggest a movie and pizza night at my place so we can just chill and enjoy each other’s company. Well, this type of date would be after I got to know and trust you enough to let you know where I live but is still a good time had by all. If you are not interested in taking the time to date me, you’re not interested in remaining in contact with me.

When I meet someone and take the opportunity to get to know them, I learn the things they like to do, I pay attention to their interests, hobbies, and ventures. Now, while it’s true I don’t do a lot, I do write, that’s my niche and how I express myself and if a guy isn’t taking an interest in that, I don’t feel he’s truly interested in who I am as a person. I met a guy who is a Star Wars fanatic and I honestly couldn’t bring myself to watch all 90 movies to learn about it because it truly doesn’t interest me, I’m not even going to front on this one.

However, when I saw something related to this franchise, I surprised him with a little gift because that’s what brings him joy and I let him talk about the series because I noticed he lit up at the mere mention of it. I am not asking for input on my writing unless I specifically ask for it, I’m just looking for support by reading my blogs and buying my book when I take the time to write it. It is free to support someone’s interests and means the world to them but is a slap in their face when they’ve supported you and get nothing in return.

I am all about privacy in every aspect of my life and do what I can to ensure it in my relationships as what goes on between me and another person is not everyone’s business. What I am not comfortable or accepting of is being a secret.

Now, some will say they are the same thing but they are vastly different as when you are with someone and you’re both private about what you do, others know you are in a relationship, they just don’t know your business. Whereas you feel hidden or as your Boo is ashamed of you as no one knows you exist, even when you’re in the same room with them. If you can’t let it be known you’re with me then you will not be with me in any facet.

Going from communicating on a regular basis to going a week or two without hearing from your person. I will be the first to admit I have a rather jankety sleeping pattern as there will days I fall asleep and am dead to the world at 7 pm and other days I’m wide awake, scrolling social media at 2 am because I just can’t sleep but that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring a text or phone call. I am not asking anyone to constantly contact me but a simple Good Morning will do the trick as I didn’t wake up next to you and lets me know you are thinking of me when you wake up. While I’m on communication, let me state I appreciate a phone call from my person on a semi-regular basis instead of nothing but texting. Yes, to those who know me this is a little contradictory as I am not big on talking on the phone all the time but I do enjoy hearing my Boo’s voice instead of just having to get my glasses to read conversations via texts.

Maybe I’m just different but when I’m interested in someone, I enjoy hearing from them on a regular basis and will begin the process of overthinking when I reach out and get crickets in return. If you can’t maintain the same level of communication, please don’t start it with me.

I understand and have been told numerous times that someone is listening when I speak and, if I’m comfortable with you, I tend to talk a lot. While someone has claimed to have listened, there have been many times I’ve not felt heard by them. As I stated, I can be rather chatty but during that time, I am sharing a lot about what makes me comfortable, what I’m learning are triggers, or even how someone else’s actions (or lack thereof) made me feel. Here’s an example of me feeling heard: we are together in at a function and there are people there who have been less than pleasant to me which will immediately change my entire disposition. Now, if attention was paid during a conversation, he would see the change in me, understand I was uncomfortable and get me out of that situation or just come stand with me to reassure me I’m not alone.

A dude who will just go about his business and party while I’m on the verge of a panic attack isn’t there for me and never really listened to a word I said.

As I’ve stated before, the dating pool at this stage of life is shallow as ant pee and has a bit of poo in it, this shit is not fun nor is it easy and it’s taking everything in me not to fully embrace the spinster title at this point. Yes, there are good people out there, I would never deny that as I feel I am one of them but that also comes with the understanding that everyone has some shit with them. I am not perfect and am not seeking perfection in a mate, I am merely seeking someone who enjoys being around and with me, is a decent and respectful human being, and doesn’t judge me for my idiosyncrasies. If I meet someone with those qualities, we can be goofy together, and it turns into forever, great but I’m not forcing anything, just letting it flow naturally.

Keep your eyes peeled and don’t ignore the obvious red flags being waved in your face, you have too much to offer another person to settle for mediocrity.