Hey, my Lovelies! Have you been taking time for yourself and practicing self-love/self-care? As mentioned in my last blog, I have definitely been loving myself! I have added waking up every morning to “Good Morning, Gorgeous” by Mary J. Blige, this song automatically puts me in a good mood and I feel even more settled into my skin when I look in the mirror and address myself as “Gorgeous”. As I mentioned previously, prior to my journey of self-love, this wouldn’t have been possible because I didn’t think I was worthy of that greeting but that was then and this is now, there’s no arrogance in the greeting, just love.
As we are all aware, today is Father’s Day, the day we celebrate our first loves and sons celebrate the men who taught them how to be a man, today is not the day to celebrate the deadbeats out there, I don’t believe this is a blanket holiday. If you’ve not taken the time to be present in your seed’s life, not poured love and lessons into them, gone about living your life as though they don’t exist, don’t reach out to form a bond, aren’t present even when they’re in your presence, and are considered a sperm donor you don’t get a grill, tools or clothes today, there is no reward for being absent and selfish.
As you are aware, my Daddy gained his wings 12 years ago but this year is harder for me than the last few because so much has happened that I’ve not been able to share with him but I know he sees the woman and mother I’ve become and is smiling down on me from heaven but there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to see that smile and hear that voice in person just one more time. Yes, for some of us, this is a very difficult day but, thru my tears, I will celebrate my Daddy with you.
My Daddy wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot, but he was mine and poured into us love and lessons he felt would serve us in our lives. Anyone who’s ever interacted with him knows he loved to talk and tell stories and, as his daughter, there were lessons in his words that I am watching come to fruition in my life at every turn. Who knew his gift of gab was planting seeds to help me become the woman I am today? Even though majority of his stories were met with an eye roll and attitude from me, he never stopped sharing and I appreciate him for his perseverance and faith that they would one day stick and make sense and I am so grateful.
As a woman who has gone thru heartbreak and divorce, I now have so much more respect for my parents for never giving up and push thru their pain and still adult as parents even though they were mentally struggling with their own shit. When I was 6 years old, my Daddy became a single father who was responsible for raising two daughters which meant he now had to do hair, buy doll babies, break up constant fights between me and my sister, pick out and iron our girlie clothes, and still be the protector and provider, making sure we ate, had a roof over our heads, and never felt the struggle.
I have been questioned, in the past, about why I put my Daddy on a pedestal after all that transpired between him and my mother and, I’ll say it again, that was their adult relationship and not the one I had with my father. My Daddy didn’t always make the right choices in life but how many of us have? I know I’ve not made the most stellar choices but, like him, I’ve learned and don’t want to be judged on who I was. Now, if you do nothing but make shitty choices in life and make no attempts to better and improve yourself, yes, at that point, I’m judging the hell out of you but if you’re trying, I’m here to support your growth.
I am grateful to my Daddy for showing me so much love and grace when I was too selfish to show the same to him as I know I wasn’t the easiest child of his to get along with because I had somewhat of an attitude all the time. I am grateful to him for being my protector even though I tested his police training on a couple of occasions. I am grateful to him for allowing us to make him the center of our jokes and pranks and never getting mad even when I loaded his cigarettes to explode. I am grateful to him for being present and making me talk even when I didn’t want to as he knew I needed to get it out or I would break. I am grateful to him for the love and adoration he showed my babies which left such a lasting impression they still cry from his loss even though they were young when he gained his wings. I am grateful to him for loving and accepting me for exactly who and how I was, never trying to change me nor judge me and my appearance. I am grateful he was my first love and instilled in me what I deserved from anyone who vied to be my partner. I am grateful to have his smile, eyes, and kind and understanding heart. My Daddy never told me how to live life, he lived his and let me watch.
I learned a tidbit recently that stated Father’s Day is #20 on the list of favorite holidays and that’s sad as I couldn’t come up with 20 celebrated holidays in the year. How is Columbus Day #16 and fathers being four places lower?! There are so many men who are out here killing it as dads by learning how to braid their daughter’s hair, teaching their sons how to be men, teaching their daughters how not to get played by some raggedy ass dude, teaching their sons how to treat women, being the listening ear with words of wisdom from his own experience and doing this all while still being the protector, provider, and hero who is never down. While not all heroes wear capes that doesn’t mean they don’t exist and aren’t a hero to someone in their life.
If you are blessed to still have your father in your life, be sure to pour love into him, tell him he’s appreciated, and sit and listen to his stories no matter how many times you’ve heard them as that brings him joy. To those who’s fathers have gained their wings, know he’s never really left you and has been doing more from heaven than he’d ever be able to physically do for you here on earth. There are also those who didn’t have their biological father in their lives but had a strong male role model to shape and form them into the adult they are today. Join me, my Lovelies, in raising a glass to toast the Daddies/Dads/Pops in our lives!
