Hey, my Lovelies! I was recently out of town on business and was feeling out of place for the first hour or so until I sat down at a table of a more fun group of people. During some of the conversation, I learned this gentleman’s daughter was a veterinarian and remembered when that was my sister’s goal and dream job. There are some professions which are sparked in our youth and drives us to do whatever it takes to follow that path. I started to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up and, trust me, I’m nowhere near that profession but I’m happy with what I do.
When I was younger, there were a couple of ‘careers’ I firmly believed I’d build my life around: stay at home wife and mother or a nurse. It’s amazing how both kind of go hand in hand because there were, and still are, many days where I am diagnosing and making another human being feel better. I have told you many times before, I am very old school and, yes, my goal was to be Suzy Homemaker with my two beautiful daughters, handsome husband who happily went to work each day and came home to a clean house with a hot meal on the table waiting for him, and our perfect home with two dogs and a white picket fence.
Well, I was a stay-at-home mom for almost two years and that shit is not cracked up to be anywhere near what I envisioned as it was damn near impossible to keep a clean house with two toddlers constantly running around, pulling out toys, getting their clothes dirty, messing up their hair, fighting each other and naps while attempting to stay on top of all the laundry, feeding the children, and having a hot meal on the table when the husband came home. As you know, I am happily divorced from a husband who was not happy going to work while I stayed home, an empty nester who lives in a high rise which is more ideal of a perfect home than I’d ever fathom, on the friend side of parenting my now grown children, and enjoying my best life loading.
When I entered high school, my best friend had the crazy idea of us becoming candy stripers and I was fully onboard as, well, the outfits were just too cute for words. Oh, yeah, that’s right, I also had the dream of being a nurse so this would have been my introduction into that world. I’m aware that some will say that I didn’t set my sights high enough because I didn’t want to be a doctor and that’s fine because I’m fully owning that I didn’t want to spend about 12 years in college to become one.
We did not, in fact, become candy stripers because high school was enough pressure so, we became cheerleaders because, again, cute outfits. As I neared the end of my high school career, my bestie had another brilliant career suggestion for us: Stewardesses. Yes, I agree that at a young age, that would have been an excellent way to see the world but there was one hiccup for me, I was deathly afraid of flying so, that thought was gone quicker than it arrived.
As my high school career came to a close, much to my father’s chagrin, I made a less than stellar decision to not immediately further my education. I’m sure you’re wondering why this decision was something I was reminded of for years to come and it’s because instead of taking a free ride to Georgetown University, I opted to ‘take a year off’ which turned into never attending college. I could easily say not going after that 1 year was due to getting a car and having a car note and, while that’s true, I was comfortable in my good government job and going to the club several times a week, I was enjoying being young. Do I regret not going to college? I really don’t because I know that where my mind was at that time, I would have just pledged a sorority and partied which, while being a good experience, would have wasted a lot of time.
When I was married and raising our daughters, I got the urge to actually pursue that nursing degree again, with the girls being in school and pretty self-sufficient, I firmly believed I would be able to go to school part-time and get it done. As a responsible wife, I sat down to have this discussion with my husband so we could figure out how to make my dream come true but he hit me with the biggest dose of reality I had never once considered: working on children who had been in car accidents, beaten by their parents, or even house fires or dealing daily with bed sores which went to the bone. As many times as I had dreamt of being a nurse, I’d never stopped to think of the darker side of what I would see. I wrapped my head around the fact that, as a nurse, I’d never actually heal anyone, I’d merely make them comfortable by providing them medication prescribed by their doctor and watch them writhe in pain when their meds had maxed out. I don’t do well with loss and, as a nurse, this is something you experience on a regular basis as the patients you’ve gotten to know either pass away or get better and go home, no one stays in the hospital forever.
After my divorce, I dabbled in the funeral business by attending embalming and assisting with the preparation for funerals. This was something I firmly believed I could do because none of my clients were any longer suffering or in pain and my work would give their loved ones a sense of peace and comfort. I decided this is what I would do until I signed up for the courses and learned there was a required credit for public speaking and, while I get it because I had to interact with grieving loved ones, I fully own that I don’t do well in that type of environment. While I didn’t fully pursue my degree, I still worked with the funeral home as it oddly gave me a sense of peace until my Daddy passed and I’ve not been back since as there is a difference between death and loss.
While I may not have gone to school and gotten a degree to be a nurse, I have used my knowledge and country remedies to cure and make my daughters feel better when they are sick. I guess my path was never to get a degree to be technical in making others feel better, it’s more about my presence and authentic concern which soothes the souls, aches, pains, and discomfort of those I love and care about and that’s enough for me. When I was younger, I always assumed I’d always be happy but time, misunderstandings, trials and tribulations have taught me that it takes time, energy, healing, and the dissolving of the illusion of what ‘happy’ is, you have to experience it to understand and appreciate it. Be great, my loves!
