From the moment we are born, we are handled by someone else. As we grow and mature, we continue to be handled and told how to act, what to and not to do, what to wear, where to go, and who to date and like. We never think much of it because it is coming from those who love us and have our best interest at heart, therefore, we follow along, abiding by what is told to us. I know the word “handled” is usually used when it comes to celebrities because they always have someone else handling their actions for the betterment of their image and career but it also applies to everyday people just like you and me on a daily basis. Have you picked up a magazine or watched TV lately? They’re flooded with images of what we should look like, eat and how to act on a daily basis. That is a form of handling as well because it’s telling you to lose weight or wear a certain type of clothing to be accepted by others.
We all need guidance throughout our lives and those who are genuine and truly care will provide us with it. There is a difference between guiding someone and handling them. When you guide someone, you take the time to get to know them, their likes and dislikes and help them improve upon them. When you handle someone, you couldn’t care less about what they do or don’t like, you tell them what to and not to do, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be for them. If someone is comfortable wearing not so revealing clothes, don’t put them in an outfit that makes them look like they should be standing on the corner asking men if they like to party. You may be comfortable showing all of your assets at all times but it can make others feel very self-conscious and exposed. Everyone has their own comfort level and it doesn’t matter if it exceeds or pales in comparison to yours, it’s who they are, let them be themselves.
We’ve all had that one friend who believes we should dress this way, do our hair and make-up as they see fit, even if it isn’t who or how we want to portray ourselves. We abide by their ‘suggestions’ because we feel they are only saying and doing what’s best for us, they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t care about us, right? Eh, not so much, we are their project. We want acceptance so much we change for them even if it’s not comfortable for us. When you are not free to be and do what feels most comfortable to and for you, you’re being stifled and judged for who you truly are, that’s being ‘handled’. You become a shell of someone you may not even recognize but never speak up because they want and know what’s best for you, right? WRONG!
This handling didn’t start with friends or a job, it started with our parents. No, you can’t blame them, they did what they felt was best for you because you literally didn’t know any different. From the moment you take your first breath, you are told what religion and race you are, what to do, how to act, etc. and if you act differently than they believe you should, you get in trouble and chastised. It’s sad, really, when you can’t be on the outside who you actually know you are on the inside for fear of being punished or not accepted. We bend and contort our personalities to conform to the image others have of who they want to be around. The reality is, the ones who don’t let you be who you truly are at your core aren’t your friends. How can they be your friend if they don’t accept and constantly try to change who you truly are? When we don’t receive that acceptance, we look in the mirror and believe it’s something wrong with us, wondering why they don’t like us and do what we feel we need to in order to be liked. Sweetie, there’s nothing wrong with you at all, it usually the insecurities within those around you where they don’t feel complete unless they’re controlling someone else’s actions.
Marriage is another relationship in which we are handled. You may despise your in laws but act a certain way to keep the peace within your own household. If you speak out of turn or tell someone how you truly feel, it’s not accepted because that is not who they feel is right for their son. The reality here is you married, plan to raise a family and build a life with him, not his family. Do you have to play nice every now and then? You sure do but you don’t have to be stifled and accept disrespect from those who live in glass houses. No one walking this earth is perfect and no amount of bending to the whims of another will make you perfect, we’re all flawed but it’s easier to point out another’s flaws than to look in the mirror and recognize our own.
You were not put here to be who anyone else tells you to be, you are a child and creation of GOD and HE doesn’t make mistakes. Be true to yourself, do what you like and feel is best for you and the people who share the same mindset as you will find you. If you were raised as one religion but don’t feel it applies to who and how you are today, it’s okay to explore other religions to find one that fits. Even if you don’t find one that fits and choose to stick with your own religion, you haven’t lost anything, in fact, you’ve gained knowledge of other religious practices. If you’ve never worn make-up and connect with those who do, continue to let your natural beauty shine. If you like to go out, drink and have a good time but associate with those who just sit there and look pretty, associate with more like-minded people. You’ve been through a lot in your life, we all have, take the time to get to know who you truly are and embrace her, she’s been waiting for you, she’s been held down and suppressed for way too long. Never dim your shine to appease anyone else, if they can’t love and accept you at 100%, they don’t deserve you.