How many times have we heard “My hubby did this or that” or “Look at my wifey doing her thing” and know the 2 are not married? I don’t discredit anyone’s relationship but I do take marriage very seriously. Marriage is a sacred vow between 2 people who love and respect each other and commit to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s so crazy to know someone who has taken the last name of a man who beat the begeezus out of her, is locked up for other reasons, and claims him as her husband. To be someone’s spouse is an honor not just a title. This honor is not bestowed upon many……………..unless you live in Hollywood! LOL
Living with someone and talking about marriage doesn’t make you married, it doesn’t even make you engaged, just makes you living together or, as my grandparents would say, shacking up. I know people who aren’t even living together claiming each other as their husband/wife. Until he speaks to your parent(s) and ask for your hand in marriage and gives you a ring, you are merely just a girlfriend, nothing more. We have to stop settling for someone calling us their wifey with no intentions of actually making us their wife.
When you are married, you are in it together for the long haul. Now, I’m not saying it always works out, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s not an easy journey. Being married will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life because it takes work to make it work. The work does not stop at the altar once you say “I Do”, that’s actually when it begins. It’s hard enough trying to make things work alone and now, being married, you have to make it work with another person factored in to every decision you make. There’s no more spending frivolously because that now affects your household finances. No more just up and going out and coming home when you feel like it because there is another person involved in that decision as well. You don’t stop dating your spouse after you say “I Do”, you have to continue to court them just as you want them to do for you.
Dating someone for an extended period of time does not make you a wife, you’re still just a girlfriend. This man may do everything for you, may take care of you and your children from a previous relationship, gets along with your family and friends, and takes you around his family and friends calling you his “lady” but at the end of the day, you are still just a girlfriend. If he is doing so much and says you are his everything, why do you not have a ring on your finger? Why has there not been a commitment to you and this relationship? If you both have agreed you don’t want to be married, that’s on you but don’t claim this man as your husband and don’t let him claim you as his wife because you both made the decision not to be married and own the titles.
Loving someone with your all doesn’t make you a wife, it makes you a loving girlfriend. There are many people who believe until they say “I Do”, they are still single and can, pretty much, do what they want because they are not married. We’ve all been guilty of giving a man husband privileges without actually being a wife. We feel and do so believing if we show him how good we are, he’ll see it and make us his wife. Sorry, Babes, it doesn’t work that way. If he is already getting everything a wife has to offer from you without having to commit fully to you, why would he marry you? Loving and doing everything for someone else is not going to make them marry you, they have to be ready and won’t do so until they are. It doesn’t matter if you wash his stinky draws, take care of his momma and family, are able to financially support the both of you, can cook like a high paid chef, sex him like no other ever has, none of this will make a man commit to you unless he’s ready.
There are some (many) privileges you should save for your husband and only for him because he’s earned the right to them. A boyfriend has done nothing more than earned the right to date you. A boyfriend hasn’t earned the right to have you submitting to him and catering to his every whim, you are only supposed to submit to your husband. Yes, I know that is a touchy word for most women these days but it is a necessary one to learn to understand and embrace. A boyfriend has not earned the privilege of you putting him before your children, he hasn’t even earned the right to be put before you and your wants/needs.
Unfortunately, we live in a society where marriage is no longer appreciated or respected because it’s easier to get divorced than to actually put in the work to stay married. Spouses are aware of the side pieces and accept it because “he/she comes home to me”. Ummmm………..NO! Just because someone may be taking care of the household financially doesn’t give them the right to stray and carry on countless affairs with other people. We need to get back to loving and respecting ourselves again so we don’t settle for less than we truly deserve. There may be a good man shortage but that is no excuse to share yours with anyone else. You are far more worthy and deserve fidelity from the one you love.
Talking about marriage means nothing if you are not engaged and planning a wedding or a ceremony to exchange vows, it’s still just talk. Talking about marriage with no true intent on getting married is like talking about going to a club or event, that’s how general the talk is. Marriage is not general, it’s serious. Marriage is a vow that you take before GOD, your family and friends to be committed to this person for the rest of your life. Yes, I know there are many that believe marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper and those are the same ones willing to walk out on it over something so small as leaving the cap off the toothpaste 1 too many times. Marriage is about compromise with and acceptance of the person you have chosen to spend your life with. When you are married, you become one with your spouse, it is you and them against the world, never you against them.
There will be times in a marriage when it gets very hard, so hard you’re ready to throw in the towel but you have to remember why you are married in the first place. Marriage is not 50/50, it’s 100/100, you give your all to this other person as they do you. Your spouse should be your best friend, the one you share everything with, all the good, bad and ugly, you are sharing your life and inner most feelings and secrets, no one should know you better than your spouse. Being married doesn’t mean you can stop fronting or trying, if you were someone else to get married, it’ll never work because representatives get tired and fade out, revealing the true you. Being married means you are and have someone there to talk to, be silly with, confide in, is your best friend, partner in all aspects of life, to grow and build with. There is no walking out and giving up because it’s a little difficult today. If you are not ready to fully commit to another person, please remain a girlfriend and label yourself as such.
Marriage is GOD’S ideal, it is why we were created. We were not created to share ourselves with multiple people, giving so much of ourselves we have nothing left over for HIM or ourselves. We were not created to be someone’s eternal girlfriend. I love the idea of marriage, of sharing my life with my partner, growing and building a life together with that one person I vowed to commit and fully open myself to for the rest of my life. While I may no longer be married, I was a wife and took my position very seriously, it just didn’t work. I am not bitter or angry, in fact, the wasband and I are very good friends and have a wonderful co-parenting relationship. The fact my marriage didn’t work hasn’t soured me on the possibility and hopes of, one day, being married again. It’s such a strong commitment and wonderful encounter, I believe everyone should have the opportunity to experience it at least once in their lives.