Yesterday, we celebrated Independence Day and I started thinking about the true meaning of ‘independence’ and realized it’s not merely about us as a nation, we all have, enjoy and need to create our own personal independence. Independence is about freedom from oppression and being able to stand on our own two feet.
Believing and living a lie is a form of oppression because we aren’t free to be ourselves and do as we truly feel. This lie could be something as simple as putting on a farce of having a lot of money when we don’t know from day to day if our lights will get cut off or whether we will have the funds to put food on the table for our families. This is a lie many live on a regular basis. I’ve never been one to front about what I have, if I have something, it’s because I’ve saved and sacrificed to obtain it but never at the expense of my true responsibilities. When one puts on the façade they have a materialistically extravagant lifestyle to impress others, they fail to realize those they are seeking approval and acceptance from don’t truly know them. We let pride stand in the way of saying “Hey, I just don’t have it this week” for fear of looking like a failure or not up to certain standards.
Toxic relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, or friendship are very oppressive because we are so worried about pleasing someone else, we never take a moment to think about what makes us happy. That friend who is never happy about anything in their life, complains all the time, or is just plain negative is an oppressor of your happiness, bringing you down with their misery. Being a true friend, you are there for them because you want to help them feel better, see the brighter side of life and everything they have going for them because you empathize with their struggles. Being there for others, we tend to avoid boundaries out of fear of looking like a bad, uncaring friend or not being there for them, all the while neglecting our own issues. Setting boundaries is not a punishment to your friend or friendship, it’s necessary for you both to be healthy and helpful to each other.
What about that job you drag yourself to every day? You know the one! The one that makes you dread Monday – Friday because you are so miserable from the moment you open your eyes knowing where you’re going? Yeah, that one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you just up and quit your job calling your boss your oppressor as you storm out of the building, not a good look at all! I’m suggesting you seek a position that makes you look forward to getting up and hitting the road each day, one that makes you feel you have a purpose and are appreciated. That position may not even be in the field you are currently working but it’s out there waiting for you to find. The next time Suzie comes over to tell you yet another adventure of her 9 cats, take that time to tighten up your resume’ and look for something new and exciting, her cat stories will be there after lunch.
You ever hear a rumor or someone else’s opinion about yourself that is not true yet you focus on it, wondering why anyone would start or even believe it to be true? Unfortunately, this is all too common and the saddest reality is those who start the rumors and share their opinion don’t truly know or care about you, they’re battling their own insecurities and it’s easier for them to try to break another person than deal with their own demons. This holds you back as well because you’re in your head, constantly worrying about your reputation and what others may think of you. People are going to have their own opinion of you no matter how good of a person you may be. While this actually has nothing to do with you, you hold on to it and it brings you down because you feel less than. To claim your independence/freedom in this scenario, all you can do is distance yourself from the negative people and continue to be yourself, never letting small minded people change your heart and actions. Rumors and negative opinions are shared and started by insecure people who feel threatened by all of your awesomeness, let them talk, knowing and having confidence in who and how wonderful you are. There are some people who will never see the good in you and that’s fine, their closed minded opinions are not your cross to bear and will keep you from seeing all the blessings you really do have.
Loving someone with every fiber of your being and not have those feelings reciprocated as you deserve and are worthy of is one of the biggest oppressors many of us experience but fail to see because we are so blinded with being in love. To open your eyes to the reality of what’s truly going on in a romantic relationship is harder than taking the step to find a new job or distancing yourself from someone you considered a good friend but it’s necessary in order to break the chains that are holding you back. Sometimes, all it takes is having a conversation and being vulnerable when you communicate, other times, it may be realizing you need to close that chapter of your life and move on. Either way, you’ll regain your freedom.
Too often we don’t even realize we are our own oppressor because we only see the good in people and situations, never understanding how much it’s suffocating us and sabotaging our overall well-being. When we put everything on hold to tend to other’s needs before our own, we’re not giving ourselves the opportunity to grow as we were designed.
It’s time to claim and gain your independence from whatever is oppressing you and stunting your growth, you can’t grow if you’re being held down or back by unhealthy relationships and situations. Life is far too precious and short to sit in a cell/mindset of oppression! You, and only you, hold the keys to your happiness and freedom. Take a deep breath, step out on faith, and use the key to open that door and step out of the cell with the intention of living and enjoying your life to the fullest! From this point on, never give anyone else the keys to your happiness, it’s your responsibility, not theirs and no one is going to work harder for it than you. Happy Independence Day!