Hey Lovelies! In my last post, I spoke of attending an event where I got to dress up which is something near and dear to my heart as I love to be fancy whenever I can. As I chatted with my Mommie about the event, I went into detail about what I wore, how I did my makeup, reassuring her my nails and toes were done, and everything was in place and on point as I was aware of the fact I was representing her when I was out. Being who and how she is, she adamantly agreed and the conversation grew from there.
From a very early age, it was made crystal clear to me that I represented my parents whenever and wherever I may be, regardless of whether they’re standing nearby or 1,000 miles away, I am always a direct reflection of them and I was never to embarrass them with my appearance or actions. This is something I’ve taken to heart ever since it was instilled in me and take pride in my appearance at all times. Being a 70’s baby, my formative years were during the 80’s and 90’s when fashion, hair, and makeup would be deemed cringe worthy by today’s intricately beat face standards but you couldn’t tell us we weren’t killin’ the game back then.
I actually like the fact you can nail down the era of a high school photo based on the hairstyle whether it be the rock-hard poodle bangs which used a massive amount of hairspray which began the depletion of the ozone layer or the many different angles cut into our hair to make the perfect asymmetrical. I had the asymmetrical where the long part covered my eye completely and my mother silently showed her disdain for it by not paying for any pictures where I didn’t have 2 visible eyes.
Have I made less than stellar choices when it came to hair or makeup back in the day? Since it was my face and hair which I had to deal with, I’d say No but that would not be agreed to by my mother and sister. Yes, there was a point in time where I drew my eyebrows on with what gave the appearance of a black Sharpie® but I believed in my heart of hearts they were on point and brought out my eyes since my natural eyebrows are damn near transparent.
As I look back at pictures from that era of my life, they did appear a little extreme BUT they gave me confidence and the more my family bitched about them, the more I would do them because they complained about every aspect of my appearance anyway so, this was just another gripe. It wasn’t until I met someone who’s opinion meant the world to me did I finally give them up, I don’t even own that eyebrow pencil I could have bought stock in anymore. Do I still do my eyebrows? Yes, as my genetic pool still hasn’t blessed me with thick, luscious eyebrows but my wallet has afforded me better products which actually compliment my face and I no longer look permanently surprised.
I will be the first to admit it appears I went thru a hoochie mama faze as I had the big, stiff hair, huge bamboo earrings, ridiculously long and extravagantly decorated fingernails, and an unending wardrobe of spandex. Again, back then, you couldn’t tell me I was not the shit! Back then, I was very thin and tall, I didn’t have a fupa, hell, I barely had a booty so, I thought spandex was the best way to dress when I went out.
I must point out that I only dressed like that when I was out in the clubs as I knew my mother would come to my job and beat my ass in front of coworkers if I even thought about wearing club clothes to my good gubment job. When I went to work, you’d never know I partied as hard as I did because all my dresses/skirts were at least knee length and I never wore open toe shoes. It wasn’t until I was looking thru pictures of my cousin’s wedding and laughed as I asked, “Who’s that hoochie mama?” and my laughter was silenced when I was told it was me and I realized I wasn’t representing my family well and decided to do better.
As I mentioned, I partied hard from the ages of 18 – 24 and never missed a day of work due to being hungover as my mother told me, “If you have to miss work due to partying, you need to cut out the one that’s not paying your bills”. Now, that’s not to say I showed up fully sober to work every day because that would be a whole ass lie BUT I was there every single day as she only said I couldn’t miss work.
Had I missed work every time I had been out, I’d have been seen as unreliable and I couldn’t do that at a job my Daddy had gotten for me as it would have made him look bad. Even in my hay day of partying, I still carried myself with respect and the knowledge my parents knew a lot of people I didn’t and would tell on me if I was seen acting a fool in public.
I have carried this mentality with me throughout every phase of my life. When I was a wife, I made sure I always looked presentable as I was representing my husband, there was never a time I would go to the store in jammie pants, a tattered t-shirt, no bra, and a hat to cover the bird’s nest I didn’t take the time to comb thru.
When I became a mother, it was even more important to look and carry myself accordingly as children could be cruel and my daughters would have received the brunt of the comments about my appearance and school is hard enough without someone talking shit about and making fun of your mother who constantly looks like she gave up on life. Here’s the funny part of all of this: my sister is the total opposite of me, she gives zero shits about how she looks when she leaves the house and says, “I’m not trying to impress anyone, c’mon, let’s go”, no ma’am, you will not embarrass me by looking homeless.
Let me state for the record that I do not take pride in my appearance for anyone but myself, I do not color coordinate my clothes and ensure everything I’m wearing is clean and wrinkle-free to gain the attention and approval of strangers on the street. I carry myself as the Queen I am in part out of respect for my parents so others don’t think they raised an untrained circus monkey but I also do it for myself as I’m a lady and carry myself as such. This is one of the things from my upbringing which I have carried forward and instilled in my children who are very mindful of their appearance and behavior when they leave the house because they don’t want the lecture for causing me embarrassment.
As a woman, we have more weight on us than most realize or care to acknowledge because, somehow, we carry the sole responsibility of the appearance of our homes, children, partners, and selves. There are some who don’t take pride in their partner’s or children’s appearance because they feel it’s not their place to put limits on their choices but I just don’t happen to agree with that. I feel if I’ve taken the time to make sure every hair is in place, my clothes are clean, well-fitting, and wrinkle-free, my partner should take the same time and care to do the same for me. The one thing I can say about my ex-husband is that he took pride in his appearance whenever we went out, hell, he primped more than I did at times but, that’s what you do for your partner so they have a sense of pride to have you on their arm. As for my daughters, it would be very selfish of me to be dressed to the nines and have my children looking like ragamuffins with their hair all over their heads.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, a parent, or childless, there is always someone you are representing: your parents. Yes, there are those of us who don’t have one or both parents but that doesn’t mean you don’t still represent them in your actions and appearance. No matter how much of a dumpster fire you life may be, hold your head high and stunt on everyone around you.
Always remember, the most important person you represent at all times is the one looking back at you in the mirror, don’t embarrass them by dancing on table tops at a bar, going to the store after rolling out of bed and looking like it, or carrying yourself as anything less than the King/Queen your parents created and raised. Be great, my Loves!
